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On one hand, yeah Kafka absolutely would sneeze like a dad. He absolutely would accidentally give people heart attacks from how loud he sneezes and then he'd apologize profusely
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND
IMAGINE everyone sees that Kafka is about to sneeze and they cover their ears. But then Kafka sneezes like a kitten and gives everyone in close proximity a cuteness aggression. And then they tease him about it.
This image is basically how almost all of my headcanons work. And my delulu in general.
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Alsnkshskajalnskanakbdiwhwj I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS IDEA AND IT LIVES RENT-FREE IN MY HEAD BCS jqianamsjkqjskdkwj
So the trio goes out drinking, they have a few days off, and all of them are pretty drunk. Hoshina is about-to-pass-out drunk bcs I love lightweight Hoshina.
And that night, Mina decided to wear red lipstick. And obviously she wanted to kiss her boyfriends. Hoshina, drunk out of his ass, saw the lipstick marks that Mina left on Kafka, and went: holy shite, gimme lipstick too. So the two of them kissed Kafka silly 'til all three of them were giggling like lovestruck teenagers. And then they passed out snuggled together, covered in lipstick, Kafka had it the worst.
The next day, Kafka woke up alone bcs on his days off he refuses to get up earlier than 9 a.m. He was a little hangover bcs his kaiju body quickly burned through alcohol, but Kafka COMPLETELY FORGOT that he was covered in lipstick kisses. So he went out half-asleep to get coffee.
Everyone were dead silent when they saw Kafka's state. Kikoru took a quick picture while Reno had a silent breakdown. Kafka was so confused when Iharu started to laugh his ass off, Haruichi wolf whistled while struggling not to join Iharu on the floor. Aoi didn't react at all besides slightly raising his eyebrows and giving Kafka his phone so he could see what's going on with his face.
Kafka turned so f-ing red that his face matched the lipstick color.
Everyone absolutely teased the shite out of Kafka and started questioning him who did this. At this point no one (but Okonogi. She knows everything XD ) knows abt Hoshikafmina and they want to keep it that way. While Reno does mental gymnastics because wtf?!?!?!? He's never seen Kafka with anyone nor Kafka mentioned being in a relationship with someone so that must be a new development? But why didn't Kafka tell him???? He could barely keep his kaiju form a secret so no way in hell he'd manage to keep his relationship a secret so what's going on-
Kikoru immediately posted the picture into their group chat, where both Mina and Hoshina are there and few other ppl. The two of them pretended to be shocked and also teased Kafka as they decided that this is hilarious. Mina even typed in the chat if anyone might confess to being responsible for Kafka's look.
Hoshina decided to take this a step further and posted that picture that Kikoru took in Twitter with a caption "Alright, who did this? Maybe someone wants to confess?" To cause even more chaos and throw everyone off their scheme.
For shits and giggles Tae decided to post a picture in the replies to the post that Hoshina made, where she had her lips painted the similar shade of red and she was holding a lipstick. And the caption was: Maybe I did... (jk he's not my type and everyone knows that. I made sure of it.)
That post absolutely BLEW UP. Even a few other officers posted their pictures in replies where they were with lipstick of similar color and all of them confesses that "lmao nope. I didn't do that." Thus a trend was born. At first it was just the 3rd division, then it was surprisingly the 1st division, then the 2nd, and slowly people from even outside of JAKDF were posting pictures w lipstick. Even Hoshina posted one, and so did Mina but with an excuse that "Hoshina made me do it..."
But in secret, they were absolutely delighted. The next time they went out drinking, they gave Kafka even more kisses on the face, neck, even going under his shirt- And they had to beg Kafka not to remove the lipstick when he woke up. Mina and Hoshina are lucky that Kafka loves them and that he can't say no to them when they're so giddy and happy. It's not like he has any dignity left, so there's nothing to mourn.
The next day was even more chaotic, and an update was posted in Twitter about Kafka returning even redder this time. It became somewhat of a silly defense force mystery, and Twitter was absolutely loving it. Kafka's mysterious lover was officially titled as "smoocher" because of obvious reasons. (Though Hoshina complained that it was too cheesy and obvious.) Kafka not once mentioned or slipped about his "partner". One of the funny things was to watch people assume that the "smoocher" was a single person. Mina and Hoshina even got an account on Twitter that both of them have access to so they could just mess with people AND Kafka.
Next time, they decided to change lipstick color. Almost every time they'd get a different color. There was pink, blue, red, white, black, yellow neon green, cyan, and many other colors that they could get their hands on. It was glorious and all three of them were now committed to the bit.
There's an account that makes updates on the "smoocher situation" that Haruichi manages bcs it's funny and he's lowkey invested now, and one day after going out drinking Kafka was completely fine. Or at least it seemed so before he said, and it's a quote that Haruichi later posted on that acc: my face might be fine, but my back hurts like sh*t. When Hoshina saw that post, he lost his marbles laughing.
I love this idea. It's so f-ing cute and stupid. I need to write a fic about it, or someone write a fic bcs at the rate that I'm working gta6 will come out faster than me posting the fic XDDDDDDDD
Your honor. They're silly and stupid and in love. I rest my care, your honor.
When I saw this panel, I immediately thought of this. Taking ibuprofen together as a love language XD
So the other day, I was scrolling Pinterest and found this beautiful art (obviously not mine pls don't execute me)
And ofc I had to check the comments, AND THEY KILLED ME.
One wise commenter said
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE THIS IS F-ING HILARIOUS I HAD TO SHARE THIS W THE WORLD.
Inside every Kafka fan, there are 2 wolves fighting. One is horkny and the other is wholesome. The two of them keep perfect balance. Though mostly the horkny one is active and no one gives a shite abt it XDDDDDDDD
Never change ppl. Never change <3
Shite, now I wanna talk abt how much of a slut Kafka is again LMAO
Uh, a question. Are animation memes still a thing? Like darkside and a bunch of other stuff that I'm too lazy to remember... :p
WELL ANYWAYS WHO CARES BCS I REMEMBERED A FEW OF THEM AND REALIZED "Holy shit. They perfectly fit Hoshina. I love it."
If you don't know what I'm talking about, just look it up on YouTube.
First one is MEATGRINDER meme. It's just Hoshina being a menace and scaring Kafka for shits and giggles.
The second one is Nasty Dog meme. It's just Hoshina being Hoshina. And by that I mean he's horkny for Mina and Kafka. No horkny jail can hold back that man.
Oh shite I just realized DARKSIDE fits Kikoru and kaiju no. 15. Niiiiiiiiice
HOLY F-CK I FORGOT ABT THE SIBLINGS MEME
The og video is a masterpiece. Obviously, this is w Reno, Kikoru and Narumi lmaoooo It fits them perfectly. Kafka unofficially adopted them all lol
YOU SAW NOTHING I TOTALLY DIDN’T FORGET ANYTHING SHHHHHHHHH (._.')
Ahem- I'm not saying anything- Cough cough- if maybe someone could animate at least one of those my life is yours forever- Cough- whoah who was that. Must've been the wind.
Are there even any kn8 animators out there??? Nvm probably not, so moving on lol
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE CAPTAIN MINAAAAAAAAAAAA ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Shakabshebiqhqnejwjjekekwjq One of the best gals <333333
Wanted to share some headcanons for her on such a wonderful day <3
Mina likes weighted stuff. Big heavy coats and jackets, weighted blankets, also strong hugs. It brings her comfort.
Whenever she feels absolutely done with everything, she lets Bakko sit in her lap. Or when things get too dire, Mina would just lay on the floor with Bakko purring on top of her.
She scared both Hoshina and Okonogi the first time they saw her like that. Mina had to reassure them that Bakko wasn't crushing her and that's exactly where she wanted to be.
And for the very same reason, you're more likely to see Hoshina sitting in her lap than the other way around. Though Mina jokingly complains that Hoshina is too light for her. Kafka on the other hand is absolutely perfect. The only downside is that he can't purr like Bakko- Oh wait. He's a kaiju. He's so purrfect.
Honestly, Mina really missed Kafka before he joined JAKDF. And not only because of his bear hugs.
Mina is a piece of shite but she's really good at hiding it. She enables both Hoshina and Kafka in a way that no one knows that it was her. She mastered the art of pretending to be the only stoic and responsible person in the room. Okonogi was absolutely horrified the first time she found out and that there's two of them (Mina and Hoshina). One of the reasons Hoshina fell in love.
Mina’s favorite prank is doing smth insane and soooo out of character in front of an unsuspecting victim, and then staring them dead in the eye and saying "no one will believe you." And then she'd leave as if nothing happened, leaving the person behind traumatized and questioning their sanity. Works every time.
Remember how in the last post where I was sharing angsty AUs I said that Mina is safe for now?
Well, I used a technique called LYING.
No one is safe from angst.
Ok, so remember how Hoshina preached abt not getting attached to anyone? (And then he fell in love with Kafka like a hypocrite lol.) And how cold Mina seems (even though she's really not). Manga explains it that Mina went through a lot of bs when JAKDF found out that she had high aptitude w guns and that she has to be a reliable captain.
In B-side during Hoshina's flashbacks, Mina seemed a lot less distant ig? She seemed more relaxed and closer to her subordinates.
What if something happened that gave both Mina and Hoshina trauma and made them colder. Hoshina obviously kept smiling and acting the way he always did, but he got more serious and "professional". Mina buried herself in work and stopped interacting with most officers.
What if both of them befriended someone? Like some time before Hoshina became a vice-captain, but after he got into the 3rd division. Maybe he was one of the new recruits. A calm and chill dude, but if you get him going he could get quite loud and competitive. He reminded Mina of a certain someone. Hoshina liked him because he was quite a good fighter and a nice company.
If Mina closed her eyes, she could almost see Kafka being there by her side-
And then the guy died. During one of the missions, he was caught off guard by a honju. He could've been saved had Mina or Hoshina been faster. It left both of them shakened and hurt.
Ever since Hoshina and Mina keep their distance. Okonogi and the platoon leaders are the only people who they are close with.
And then a new batch of promising officers joins JAKDF. And with them, Kafka Hibino who turns everything upside down.
But anyway- HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY- I MEAN MOTHER- I MEAN-
Me in the morning: Oh boy! What a lovely day! I sure hope nothing ruins it- (Or when I'm showering lol)
My brain in the morning for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON: Here you go ma'am, the angstiest f-ing ideas ever. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Me: ... why must you hurt me this way...
I'VE SUFFERED ALONE FOR LONG ENOUGH. HERE COMES THE ANGST. (And I'm writing an angsty fanfic that I'll post sooner or later teehee ;> )
What if Kafka didn't pass the test and he got turned into a weapon. When they were dissecting kaiju no. 8 it... wasn't really struggling or acting up as much as scientists expected.
And then the numbered suit/weapon was done.
It was a nightmare fuel.
People who tested the suit... were scarred for life. Once someone wears the numbered weapon and it's activated, they go through hell. They experience visual hallucination (similar to one that Reno had when he first tried wearing no.6, or idk what the heck that was but it's similar), but instead of a kaiju, they were met with thousands of wailing souls and a man who was covered in blood, his body was intact but there were deep wounds as if something tore into him with surgical precision. But it all would quickly fade away as all the tester would hear was bloody screaming. Something out of horror movies when someone was dying a gruesome, slow death. The bone-chilling screaming from agony of being ripped apart only to be put back into something else. The testers would feel as if they were crushed by a f-ing building, and it would feel as if they were ripped apart. They felt the same pain the man went through.
All of the people who attempted to wear weapon no.8 would pass out from the sheer power of it that was tearing them apart and from the absolute psychological horror they went through.
And every failed attempt made things worse. Doubt began to creep in. Was the creation of weapon no.8 a mistake? If no one could wield it... Then maybe it would've been better to keep kaiju no.8 alive...
Even Narumi Gen requested to try it. He didn't fair any better than other people. While he lasted a lot longer, after all it isn't his first time dealing with a numbered weapon, he couldn't handle it. The suit's power was overwhelming, but the human screaming was something else entirely. It made Narumi realize something horrifying. They didn't kill a kaiju and turn it into a weapon. No, they killed a person. A person not different from anyone else besides having a core and kaiju abilities. The guy had a life, friends, hell, he managed to even get into JAKDF. Narumi didn't really pay any attention before, he didn't care. But now he started questioning things. Questioning JAKDF's righteousness. He was quite shakened by the experience. Who wouldn't be?
The only people who could wield no.8 without getting their heads fried were Mina, Hoshina and Reno. The first out of the 3 to try using no.8 was Mina. And she didn't handle it well. Unlike all of the previous people who tried to wield no.8, Mina didn't experience any of the psychological horror or the immense power that would crush the users. All she saw was Kafka crying. He would apologize over and over, beg for forgiveness because he failed. He failed to stay alive, failed to stay in control. Mina couldn't handle it, tears started silently rolling down her face and she wasn't even aware of them. Once no.8 was off her, she stated that she wouldn't wear it again any time soon. She needed time to process her feelings. (She didn't want to watch her childhood friend suffer like this. She didn't want to wear his f-ing corpse.)
Hoshina was the second one to wear no.8 without going through 9 (or should I say 8-) circles of hell. Unlike Mina, Hoshina managed to put aside his feelings (it was hard and heartbreaking). Hoshina even somewhat consoled Kafka enough so he'd stop crying and work with him. Hoshina could practically feel how Kafka clung to him, as if afraid that he'll leave. That he'll leave the same way Mina did. Mina and Hoshina were the only familiarity that snapped Kafka out of his agony and provided some comfort.
(I didn't think up anything for Reno lol. I had enough pain T-T)
Once Hoshina got to the combat testing, everyone was shocked. Even with lower percentages, no.8 did massive amounts of damage. It could easily destroy a horde of yoju without going over 40-50%. What even a bigger surprise was when the limiter was removed, there was absolutely no strain on Hoshina's body. He could easily move and unleash bigger combat power without sacrificing his body or risking overheating.
Because no.8 wasn't just a kaiju. He was human. He knew what it meant to be human and how much humans could handle before starting to bleed or injuring themselves. Weapon no.8 was alive. Kafka was a sort of guardian angel that regulated strength so it wouldn't harm Hoshina. Kafka could also alert Hoshina of danger and where kaiju were located. Without the limiter, Hoshina could easily fight even giant Daikaiju without the risk of overexerting himself. That's how powerful no.8 was. If Mina wore no.8... she could probably end daikaiju with a single shot.
Phew, first angsty idea is done. Now the second one:
Heavily inspired by the song Tongues & Teeth by The Crane Wives :_)
What if, during the attack on the Tachikawa base, Mina was too late. She couldn't take out 10 in time. What if Hoshina passes out and 10 would trigger the bomb. Kafka would go on and sacrifice himself to save everyone. But 10 would escape and take Hoshina with him. Only Hoshina's blades were left behind.
Hoshina Soshiro would be proclaimed dead. Kafka would be taken away, and he wouldn't know what happened to Hoshina. He would blame himself for not being able to save Hoshina.
Mina didn't take it well. The death of one of the closest people to her and the betrayal of her childhood friend hit her hard, though she had to put on a strong face through all of that.
Some time passed. Kafka fought with Isao and didn't get turned into a weapon. But before he got assigned to the first division... a kaiju attack happened. It was in the area between the 1st division and the 3rd, but closer to the 3rd. At first, there were just a bunch honju with yoju. But then... a daikaiju signal would appear.
Hoshina would appear on the battlefield. Or at least, something that wore his face. It looked like Hoshina, but with kaiju traits of no.10: a tail, a horn, hard kaiju plating, cold blue eyes, a sick frenzied grin, and none of the calm sharpness that Hoshina held. Not a single trait that indicated that Hoshina was still there.
The kaiju immediately demanded a fight with the strongest person here. But it didn't wait for an answer as it went straight into the battle with wicked glee. It easily tore through the defense force, its speed was too high, enhanced reflexes made it practically untouchable, and it was too small. And Mina could recognize Hoshina's graceful and practiced moves from a mile away. It made her insides twist in pain as she wondered what happened to Hoshina. If there was any way to save him. Was he even there-
The hesitation made her slow. She couldn't keep up. And in a blink, she was in the air, being held up by her neck. Bakko was thrown away harshly by the kaiju's tail. As she stared at the familiar face, she doesn't know what she's expecting or looking for. Recognition? Guilt? Realization? Regret? Pain?
But the kaiju out of nowhere shouts that it wants to fight kaiju no.8. And slowly, she feels the kaiju squeeze her neck as she struggles to breathe.
Luckily, Kafka arrives in time and the daikaiju drops Mina as he loses interest in her. But instead of lunging at no.8 immediately, the kaiju finds rubble that is sharp enough to be used as blades. As it looked for them, a third eye opened on it's chest and the creature complained about the setback, but Hoshina...? snapped at it in irritation, saying that he's tired of fighting like a barbarian and he wants to properly enjoy the revanche.
The fight was an uphill battle. Kafka struggled a lot because the daikaiju was overwhelming him and he couldn't go all out because all he could see is Hoshina's face, absolutely shining with excitement and living in the battle. The kaiju grew in size and threw away its weapons as Kafka finally stopped holding back. In the end, Kafka managed to defeat the not-Hoshina, and it was captured.
The kaiju always got offended at being called Hoshina or vice-captain, proclaiming that it was nothing like that boring human. It was fine with still being called 10. The kaiju was cold and distant, it didn't care about anything but fighting. There were multiple times when it managed to break out of containment. The only thing that could stop it was kaiju no.8. Kafka would just put 10 in an air jail until it calmed down. Kafka was assigned as 10's babysitter so he could keep him in check. That obviously brought up some complicated feelings.
10 refused to work with the defense force, though it also didn't want to return to no.9.
Though at some point, 10 gave in and agreed to assist on a mission. And that shook up a few feelings and emotions that 10 didn't want to deal with. 10 was a mix of Hoshina and kaiju no.10, though sometimes they could split back for some time. And that mission reawakened Hoshina and made him realize a few things.
Hoshina lost everything he worked so hard for. He lost his position as vice-captain that he fought tooth and nail for. He lost his friends and subordinates and their trust. He lost his body and free will. He lost his two closest people. And when sometimes his name slipped out from a few individuals, he always snapped and got annoyed because... he no longer was that man. To be constantly reminded of what he had lost... It felt like salt being poured over a wound. It was easier to forget and to push away. Though that still hurt. 10 had a breakdown... but Kafka was there for him. Though 10 refused to say anything.
But he was glad that Kafka was a stubborn idiot who refused to back down.
Both of these aus can have... somewhat happy endings??? I totally already made up them bcs OH GOD THESE HURT :_[
Pov me: *makes Kafka and Hoshina suffer*
Mina: *sweats nervously* Sh-She's right behind me... isn't she?
Me: *stands there. MENACINGLY.*
Once again, thank you for reading my yapping. As you can see, I'm an avengers level threat- I MEAN A WORLD CLASS YAPPER. So you reading my bs means a lot to me <3
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Personal headcanon that I know is not canon but I'll give up on it only when I'm DEAD.
Kafka can cook really well. Like- Mina burns down kitchens just by existing there, and Kafka can make Gordon Ramsey cry from how good his food is or smth XD It's all about ✨️balance✨️
He honestly gives off mama's boy vibes. He'd watch his mom cook and he would help her out, ask her a bunch of questions about all the dishes she'd make. At some point, he'd start making simple things, and then it would all spiral on from that point.
He would probably bring cookies he made himself to school and give them out to classmates. And for that, they would think he's the coolest and worship the ground he walks on.
Mina would obviously be his test subject as he started out. She'd give him her honest opinion and tell him what he should change. Little did she know she would create a monster.
I think we all can agree that Kafka is hot and in his college days, he'd feel a little adventurous (after all, he needed to get his insane dad lore from somewhere XD ). And we all know that the way to a person's heart is through their stomach. His godly cooking skills would absolutely get him biches- lol
I think cooking is one of his love languages. He loves watching people he cares about enjoy his food. He's happy that he could brighten their day at least a little bit with what he made. He remembers everyone's preferences, if someone's allergic to something, people's favorite foods and snacks.
And then he fails to join the defense force, and Mina leaves him behind. And he spirals into depression. He had no strength or want to make food himself. There was no one to cook for.
But after he meets Reno and joins the defense force, Kafka's want to cook returns. He wants to show his gratitude this way.
Someone absolutely cried when they tried Kafka’s food for the first time. Kafka makes small cute lunch boxes for Hoshina and Mina.
After Narumi found out about that, he tried to convince Kafka to join the 1st division. He failed spectacularly.
(I thought I was gonna die in the process of making this meme. WHY IS FINDING THOSE FACE PICTURES SO HARD????? Also I had to make it look somewhat presentable... it still looks shitty. Good.)
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