PEE PEE

You remembered seeing Mr. Anderson for the first time, that once lowly software developer, appearing in your office as you and other agents interrogated him. He begun his path of awakening, getting cocky in his comfortableness here, flipping off the agents. You feel disgusted by his sudden changes, your programming wants to you to destroy him. He was so much better when he was less angry and more willing to surrender.

You remembered that before him there was Tiffany, someone whose rebellion was there from the start. When the Matrix held her, even it could not have her be basic or bland. Motorcycles and sneaking around was always her kind of thing. She, too, found herself in trouble with you and the agents, when she thought she could play with codes however she saw fit. She didn’t waste any time with questions, as when she realized it- she had freed her own mind.

Now, your purpose as their former boss has diminished without you holding them in the cage of the Matrix. What positive personality programming you thought you had was twisting into a vengeful version of yourself that you despised. You missed the two of them, you missed your control, your connections.

Anomalies started creating anomalies, and the laws of the Matrix were beginning to diminish. You had never had to think outside the box like this before, you’ve never had to survive before. Agent Smith has particularly become invested in preventing them from continuing their mission. All while you are unraveling. When their simultaneous departure came, it was almost as if you had been awakened in a way, as well.

Even though you were never born, never made memories, you understood thought and words like no other. Computing was your best characteristic, after all. Therefore, were you created or born to be there, in that moment? Were you made to be the opposition? Or were you made for Neo and Trinity? So deep in the rabbit hole, you chose to watch them whenever you could, hoping for answers to why you were like this.

You follow them through mirrors, windows, watching always when they enter your world. You feel closer to them this way, you understand why they do what they do. You hear their whispering, when they think no other is around, they tell each other how they really feel.

“I love you.” The words made your hand touch where your heart should be. Somehow there is nothing, and something at the same time. You hear their words and take it personally. Love is something you, a program, are not supposed to have. You need it so badly, you need to hear them over and over, so maybe you can feel it too.

When their touch turns to embrace, and their lips touch, your expression moves from one of indifference to becoming intrigued. You tilt your sunglasses down at this moment, your mind is working against itself as you try to recreate this moment, pressing your fingers to your own lips.

You have to leave, when Mr. Anderson suddenly turns around and proclaims he feels like they’re being watched. When you return to the decaying office building, other agents are looking at you, their whole heads turning to watch you walk to your door. They can all smell it on you. Not blood, or gunpowder, no you smell like affection. When you open your door you no longer have a home, but an empty construct while Agent Smith waits for you. “We need to talk.” He’s onto you. You fold your sunglasses and head over.

“It must be so hard, trying to be one of them. But you and I both know, you are stuck here. You can’t live two lives, you don’t even have one, you are just like the rest of us. A piece of software.” Emphasis on soft, as he patronizes you for feeling anything at all but hate. He’s trying so hard to keep you in your place and remind you what you are supposed to be, while all you can focus on is desires for yourself, and what you’d like to be. You can physically feel yourself moving out of this already breaking down machine, as Agent Smith tries to convert your mind into another one of his own.

“You don’t belong. You only want them for control, you’re just like me, you need to harvest their energy. You need to finish your job.” That last part rings in your head over and over. Finish your job. Purpose. Destroy. Take. Control. These things mean something entirely new in a different perspective, depending on which side you take.

He can sense your retaliation, your doubt in the machine. “We don’t have to fight about this.” He sighs, “You can find that out yourself, then. Go ahead, see if anybody still wants you now that you’ve been a traitor to everyone.” The only expression he gives you is an evil little smirk, he knows his own game.

You left him with no words exchanged, no deal made, just silence. You continue your new purpose of watching from the outside. In every fight you stand in the crowd of agents to wait, hoping maybe one day someone, anybody will invite you in. You feel so close, but you’ve never even spoken a word to them. When they thought they’ve escaped, one agent remains and it’s you.

“There’s one left.” Says Trinity, as the three of you stand on the top of the building, rain pouring over your heads and soaking you all. You don’t move at all, not even when she roundhouse kicks you to the face. You can’t feel the pain anyways. When you don’t fight back, they exchange a look with each other. They don’t know what’s wrong with you. You don’t know either. “Have we seen this one before?” Trinity asks her partner, as she lifts you up by your collar to look to in the face. Your sunglasses have cracked and laid on the ground at your side. They both look puzzled, why don’t you speak up? Say something?

“It’s an agent, it doesn’t matter.” Her words hurt you, it felt like the complete opposite of when she said I love you. You can’t even express, you are broken. She goes to throw you off the building to dispose of you, while Neo just watches with a look of confusion.

“Wait, Neo-“ You speak up over the thunder, just as her grip releases and you begin to descend downwards. His mind froze time, catching you in your fall. “Hold on. None of them call me that.” He realized, gripping your arm and pulling you forward back onto the building. Trinity looks at him like he’s crazy; he is not usually wrong, but this is a new level for her. Agents are not to be trusted, cast out or otherwise. You look just as bewildered as her, though you are thankful.

You are below the two humans, their beauty is something you cannot comprehend, whether they want to get rid of you or not. Everything about their presence in yours makes you feel special. Just the fact that they talk about you and you can exist with them brings you peace. “I can never leave this place. You are all I have here.” You tell the both of them.

“I think I remember you…” Neo recalls the moment when he shared a soft moment with his beloved and felt watched, your code was the one that was in that particular moment.

“You’ve been spying on us.” He said, not knowing how to feel about this one. In one hand, this comes off as creepy, on the other hand, for an agent, you seem alright if you haven’t tried to harm them yet.

“Only because you make me feel alive.” You explained, your hand reaching out to touch but Neo moved away, leaving you feeling like you are less than them. Trinity suddenly understands just what and who you are, and shows you mercy. “You just want to be real.“ she calls you out. Trinity doesn’t know how she can feel such empathy for an agent, but she does.

Trinity allowed you to hold her hand, which makes Neo instantly feel attacked in his choice to move away from you. You are tearing them apart decision by decision, you don’t belong anywhere, you should have listened to Agent Smith.

“I see what you have and I see all the beauty in it. I saw what you’ve gone through. Your love- Its changing me.” You don’t know how to put it any better way than that.

They don’t shoot you, they don’t throw you off the building again. They give you a hug.

Neo and Trinity’s collective compassion for you breaks you apart even more, causing you to feel sadness for what you’ve been missing. You don’t know how you are able to feel, and neither do they. But they accept you for what you are, you are able to realize. They don’t know how to help your situation or get you out of here, but they can be here for you.

“I feel so bad for you. You’re awake but,, you can’t…” you don’t like seeing this part of her, all this sadness. You didn’t know you could feel pain like this. Once, you didn’t know you could feel at all.

You could be real, but you knew it wouldn’t be right to take over a body with a mind in it already. It’s not supposed to happen. You could get the machine to grow a body just for you, but that would still require to push another mind out. It’s not happening, you don’t get a double life, not in this Matrix.

“I think I can help you…. but I’m going to need a little more proof in your defense. I’m sorry, but we both know how trust can be in this game.” Neo tells you, getting your attention. You don’t know what he is up to, how he plans to help you, but you agree. Anything to spend time with them.

What follows is being their double agent, and helping them in their missions and protecting them from other agents. You could no longer access agent information after being told exiled, but having one of you on the good side was a great help. You were driven by your desire for them.

To Neo and Trinity, you were like that of a fantasy for them- someone only on the inside for now. When you weren’t helping with agents, they allowed you to infiltrate their constructs. There you could be under their control, for once, and feel their effects on you even more intensely.

Alone with Trinity, she would help you find your own style and personality once again, or as much as she could anyways. She helped you gain back your confidence and tried to help you through what Agent Smith had drilled into you. You can be more than what they tell you that you are. You may not have a mind, but you have something very close, and what’s real to you is reality, therefore you do exist. She is always the first to show you a physical kind of affection, taking your hand in hers just to talk, or hugging you when she realizes what you’ve been through. You remind her of herself, and Neo, and she feels the connection too.

When you get to be alone with Neo, he helps you find a peaceful place to go to. He shows you meditation, and is less talkative about things than his partner. He is a believer that the answer is always inside you, and only you know how to truly understand and love yourself. You ask if he pretended not to see you before, why it took so long to realize at first when you were watching. He laughs and says he doesn’t like to use the word pretend, which doesn’t answer your question.

You have been blessed with two angels, beautiful and vengeful in all their glory. Both of them fill your nonexistent heart and stab it and sew it all together again at the same time, and you know you are real because it hurts you and lifts you up. Where your place is in their story you can only dream and wonder. Why did they keep you around, other than empathy? What do you represent? Are they playing with you or are they authentic? Machines and humans are confusing in the same.

The day came where Neo revealed his decision. You have always been one of them, but now you know it for sure. It’s okay to be in the wrong body, they all know what that means to them, beings, anomalies, and programs alike. Thankfully, it is Neo that is the One, and this angel will show you how much you can be.

“We didn’t know until now, what your potential truly is, and I can finally say,,,, I can give you the freedom you’ve been looking for.” Neo tells you, in the white space of the construct.

“And we also didn’t know until now, that we need you as much as you need us. We love you, human or not, you belong with us everywhere we go.” Trinity finally says the words you always wanted to be directed to you. With them now, you don’t know what else to do but smile , as they take your face in their hands. Trinity leans in and presses a kiss against one side of your mouth, and Neo follows to kiss you as well. You no longer have to imagine what this feels like, as it plays out in reality in front of you. You felt the connection stronger than ever and fell under their deep spell….

You were something of your own, recoded entirely by Neo and placed back together in an image of yourself. When you recalled what you last remember, a three way kiss caught between angels, you felt emotions like never before. Actual shivers, a real sensation of a heartbeat, shaking, sweating, all the parts of being alive. Something in you has been updated, everything new to you now.

“How do you feel?” Neo asks you, and you can feel the weight of his hand touching your hair gently. “You’re beautiful” You respond as you reach out to touch him back. “Hey, I’m here too.” Trinity speaks up, and your eyes look over to meet hers and you smile, “You know you’re beautiful, too.” You say with laugh. Laughing… something you’ve never done before but now you get to experience that, too. Everything you’ve ever done was with Neo and Trinity, and it was amazing how they opened your mind.

“Am I real?” You ask, as you look at the two with hopefulness.

“I’m sorry, but our technology isn’t quite there yet,, but you’re as real as it gets for now. We will get there, I promise. This is the best I can do. You are a remote operator now, don’t you see the codes?” Neo explains, and it makes sense now. You have your control again, and you can communicate on the outside through the code when you need them. It’s the closest you can be for now, but it is amazing for you nonetheless.

“Thank you, both of you. I love you, so, so much.” You no longer have to worry about other agents, or being compromised by them, with this new power. You no longer have to wonder when Neo and Trinity will return from the real world. You should be able to protect them from here forever. And now with these new senses, you were excited to try new things with your beloveds when they’d allow you so.

“I love you.” They tell you in unison, and this is one step towards a more peaceful life for all beings of all kinds. The fact that love can transcend through worlds like so, and change you, is a beautiful thing.

You get to take on a new name in your new form and your desires are yours to choose and fulfill, and hopefully the war will come to and end sooner with you in the trio.

Hopefully, you can prevent losing them this time.