Dealing with fruit flies makes me sympathetic to how the theory of spontaneous generation held on for as long as it did. Where the hell did you little shits come from. Get out of my fruit

Today round ass puppy revealed to me, exhausted, at the end of my rope, that her training wasn't working not because she didn't understand, she did, she did, but instead because treats, chicken, turkey and pork apparently weren't enough motivation. She began obeying every word with startling accuracy as soon as she was offered something else. Doing backflips and stunts with pyrotechnics as prompted for the promise of a pea. A pea. She's a dog. A pea. A pea. A pea. I have to carry peas around now. On my person. Personal peas. 🫛 peas

hey I went to “things get better for you” island and they said they’re excited to meet you soon

it’s psychological horror to YOU. to me it’s a romcom

I want to see the fall of LinkedIn during my lifetime

ur not alone if you dont have a romantic partner ur literally fucking normal and ur fine. you dont Need romance to live, you are a person not some sort of bacteria that requires dating to subsist. if you really do desire connection theres friends and mentors and allies and strangers on the street & this world is full of people just like you. you can never be alone. never never never fucking let people pressure you into dating or marriage. theres no innate need for romance ever. the world will turn without it and you will still live a beautiful life on your own terms. not other people's. theres no care and no joy in a lifestyle thats not yours

butch trans women you will receive power beyond this mortal realm.

butch trans women you will receive one thousand hugs and kisses and held hands. butch trans women you will never be alone

butch trans women you will rend those who expect rigid behavior and presentation from you into dust and ashes. and you will live so joyously

Tumblr is the reason why I have something I call the cashier test which is, if i told this to a random cashier at the grocery store, would they think you're crazy at best or at worst would they be warranted in leaping over the counter and beating the shit out of you. Karl Marx mpreg is crazy, but not beating the shit out of you crazy. The cashier will probably talk about you to their coworkers and it might even make their day. Telling someone they're complicit in their own oppression by working a minimum wage job at a grocery store makes them warranted in leaping over the counter to beat the shit out of you.