PearlFlakes

I can’t seem to forget that night. Love had never felt so right. There he was, sitting in front of me right in my knees. He looked so desperate. He looked like he did love me. Because I sure as hell didn’t love me in that moment. He used to make fun of me. Small things, I guess. But those small things lead to big insecurities I didn’t want to bring up. He would sometimes talk to me as if I’m worthless, and suddenly his eyes changed every time he looked at me, because he knew I was his everything. If he lost me, he’d lose himself. It was the kind of love you didn’t know existed until you were in the moment. And there were a couple million moments that summer. His words hurt me, but his gaze hugged my soul. And everything was right again. Because in that moment when he kept telling me, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you. He picked up my feet and put his lips to my toes. As he kissed each one he looked straight into my eyes. And those kisses were all it took for me to forgive him. Because that’s how simple love is. One touch, one kiss, and you’re done. I felt like he was a part of me. Especially the night I left. we had just made love, and he laid down. We looked in each other’s eyes for what felt like a million years, and tears did not stop rolling. His red and wet eyes made my heart go up and down. And soon he closed his eyes for deep sleep and I kept looking at him. He was so beautiful, everything about him. His eyes..his soft lips..His hair. I could have stared at him for hours. In that moment, I felt love. With him, it was a come-n-go kind of thing. It always will be.

I can't remember clearly now, if I loved him enough. I can't remember now..if I put my hands on his cheeks enough..? Feel the scruffiness of his chin, and the softness of his cheeks? Did I put the palms of my hands on his forehead enough? Did I mumble enough sweet nothings in the corners of his ears? Did I softly kiss his neck enough to mark what's mine? Because I seem to keep forgetting each day. And as each moment passes by, I try to recall the last time I kissed his lips long enough. Long enough to feel that uneasy feeling in the pit of my belly because I'd be leaving soon. And I didn't want to leave. I really didn't. I hate goodbyes.