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just bought the flaming raging poisoning sword of doom at Claire’s

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

Sometimes your bad coworker will be like "I can't do anything right & I ruin everything I touch :(" and you can't even comfort them because like damn. Yeah. You really can't do anything right and you do ruin everything you touch☝️

HE'S GETTING FIRED. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!

so cool when i say hi to a cat and they do a big stretch like i dont think that has anything to do with the words i just said to you i said but i think its awesome that you got long

i love sending people my totaled car as a reaction image it’s so funny

nip over to troy, bit of rough and tumble, big horse, bish bash bosh, back home to ithaca. simple as

the fun thing about having a mental health crashout in your thirties is that sure yeah you're crashing out, but at the same time there's a part of you standing across the room smoking ben affleck style, going yeah yeah you're crashing out. you crashed out before you will crash out again can we wrap this up yet. and the most annoying part about it is that they're right, and that that does Not stop you from crashing out even a little. love and light on planet earth.

notice how everyones 30 now

Adding charms and keychains to random things definitely improves the living experience

it doesn't matter to cats what kind of bad week you're going through, they'll come into your room and start doing repeated bulldozer attacks on you

i didnt expect these to hit so hard but then they kept going and going….my god

The lion is concerned. The lion is honestly really fucking worried.