monay

Cassie McKay would recognize your name anywhere, in any tone of voice, and even in any written language if she paid close enough attention.

Perhaps the feeling that made her capable of doing that wasn’t the best one, but she was still capable of it.

Because of guilt.

You had been one of the most loyal and kind people Cassie had ever met, and in a way, the empathy she brought to her work came largely from core memories with you.

You met halfway through your freshman year of high school; it was raining heavily, and you came across her smoking near the window when you opened the accessible restroom.

“Oh, sorry.” You say as soon as you see someone inside and move one hand to cover your eyes while tilting your chin down in the same motion; you don’t realize the situation, you just think someone probably forgot to close the door.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” She was startled by the noise and looked at you, waving her hands against the smoke so it would go out the window.

When you hear the sound of the cigarette butt being stubbed out in the water and hear Cassie move, you take your hand away from your face and look at her.

She was very pretty, and you tilted your head as you stared at her.

“What?” she asked, a little too bothered by your stare.

“Nothing.”

“Already judging me? Shit, if you knew how people here work.”

“I’m not judging you,” you said as soon as you entered the bathroom and headed toward the sink to wash your hands. “But it’s kind of pretty stupid to hide to smoke and forget to lock the door.”

Cassie stared at you as you approached; she opened her mouth to retort, but as soon as she realized that you actually needed the support of the bathroom grab bars and weren’t there to hide like she was, she fell silent.

The sound of running water against the sink fills the room; you let the water slide through your fingers and cup a little in your hand before placing your wet palm behind your neck, sighing and seeking some comfort in a bid to change your body temperature.

“They have a swim team here, if you’re interested.” Her voice came out low; she seems to be trying to break the tension, and you breathe slowly before turning your face toward her.

“Pass.”

Silence falls once more, and you walk slowly toward the door; she creaks as you step into the doorway.

“You’re not going to…”

“Don’t worry.” You glance at her briefly; you don’t need her to finish the sentence to understand that she doesn’t want any trouble with the school administration.

It’s on a day much like this that things change between you two. You were sitting at one of the cafeteria tables, at the far end, to be specific. You were still getting used to the new school, and even though you already had some acquaintances and maybe even friends, those friends already had other people much closer to them than you.

And well, transferring in the middle of the year doesn’t help you much; people already know each other, and those first few weeks of “Where are you from?” and all that were already over.

Cassie sits across from you, snapping you out of your daydream. She’s holding a sandwich with a single bite taken out of it.

“Sorry, I was going to buy you one as a thank-you for not snitching, but it turned out I was 50 cents short.” She gestured with her hands as she spoke, and you found it kind of funny how random she was being. “Which is stupid because that’s like pocket change for these guys.”

Cassie sighs, shaking her head as she looks out the large window next to you.

“Anyway, do you want some?” She offers you the half-eaten sandwich, and you let out a little laugh. “It was just one bite, and I don’t have cavities.”

“Jesus.”

Things only got better after that day; you started to notice that Cassie didn’t seem as lonely as you’d thought she was, but at the same time, she didn’t really seem to have any friends, just people to hang out with for things you’d started to really hate.

It was common for you to wake up in the morning and see a bunch of voicemails from her, in which she was clearly upset or drunk and talking nonsense or just updating you on how a party had gone or any gossip she could remember.

To a certain extent, you were always invited; she always said you should go and that it would be amazing, but the parties and places Cassie seemed to frequent just made you uncomfortable and anxious at just the thought of being there.

Not only because it seemed awful, but you’d also see her with people you had absolutely no interest in actually getting to know.

Until one day, when she just told you she was going and you were a little too annoyed with the situation, you just agreed, even though she didn’t invite you this time.

“What?” She was sitting on her bed; you were sitting on a very comfortable beanbag chair in the corner of the room.

It wasn’t common for you to go to her house; this was the second time, and the first time was just so she could quickly go in and grab the history book she’d forgotten for her afternoon class, you hadn’t even gone inside.

She had a bunch of posters on the walls and shelves with some books you’d never heard of; it was really cozy and somehow didn’t seem like Cassie’s place.

“You always invite me. I can go today.”

“Really?” She narrowed her eyes as she stared at you, doubtful; you didn’t even look her in the eyes. “Who are you trying to get into your bed?”

At the time, you didn’t know exactly why that question had bothered you so much, why it had made you feel so uncomfortable.

But a short time later, when Cassie would walk away from you completely and you’d have all the time in the world to grieve and make sense of your feelings, you’d know why.

Before you could answer - even though you didn’t know yet what you’d say - her father knocked on the door, but walked in without waiting for a reply.

“Hey, darling, I just got some french fries and-” His eyes laid on you and he clearly had a surprise expression on his face, mixed with happiness that he tried to contain. “Oh, hello.”

“Hi, Mr. McKay.” 

When you just answered he smiled so big and Cassie moved her eyes up between the two of you, she knew her dad too well.

“Sorry, I didn't know Cassie had a friend over.”

“Oh, it's alright, it's nice to meet you.” You get up slowly and are about to walk to him, but he notices your struggle and moves inside, closer.

You move your hand to shake his and it's like he is on another level of disbelief from what he is presenting.

Cassie watches you two interact with uncertainty, but also some… fondness.

That she would never say out loud or even acknowledge, at least not for now.

“Not the usual for Cassie to bring people home.” He smiles and she rolls her eyes.

“Oh, I was just very excited to meet you so I followed her and she couldn't say no when I entered.”

He laughs at your joke, amused and gives little taps on your shoulder. 

“Nice kid, nice.” He turns his head to Cassie and then to you again. “You staying for dinner? I can go buy some more-”

Cassie interrupts him. “No, dad, thanks, we are going out today.”

“Well, what a shame, you should come another time with more time, Cassie's mother makes such a good lasagna and I am sure you would love to see the family album of Cassie's-”

She cuts him again and you smile at him. “Dad.”

“Alright, alright, I will leave you two.”

Neil squeezes your shoulder one more time before he leaves and you glance at Cassie, still sitting at her bed with her back resting against the wall.

“Your dad is very cool.”

“Yeah.”

“You should invite me for that dinner, I would enjoy seeing your pict-”

“Shut up.” She says before throwing a pillow at you.

A little later, she is down at the kitchen, actually picking some chips and fries for you to eat before heading to the party. She is putting some things on the plate when her father approaches.

“What's the name of your new friend?” Neil asked as he stirred a spoonful of sugar into his coffee, glancing sideways at Cassie; apparently, he’d figured out why his daughter had been acting differently lately. For the better of course, slightly, but still.

She answered your name without looking at him, already feeling the weight of his gaze.

“That’s good… You could really use the company of someone as kind as—”

“Don’t do that, Dad.”

“I’m just saying.” It was obvious that you weren’t the kind of person Cassie used to have around, if she ever brought people into the house at all (which she never did), from the few people Neil had seen her talking to or hanging out with, it was clear you were different. “You can tell when someone has a good soul.”

“And you could sense that from the five seconds you spent staring at us in the bedroom?”

“You might not understand this now, but you can sense these things, Cassie.” He took a sip of coffee before continuing. “You’ll learn.”

“Sure.” 

At that moment, she couldn’t have cared less about her father’s words, but with every moment she spent with you, his comment became more and more relevant.

The party ended up not being that bad after all. Cassie still seemed a bit skeptical that you were actually there with her; she’d come over every so often to check on you, to see who you were talking to and if you were talking to anyone at all, while she’d suddenly step away from you to do who-knows-what things, that you weren’t sure you wanted to know about.

And you two grew closer; you started holding her hair more when she threw up in the early hours of the morning and now listened to her slurred words firsthand.

But whenever you tried to implicitly tell her how bad she was doing and that she needed to try to change a little, or even when you suggested that next weekend you should just do something different and not go to the same places she always went to, she’d ignore you, not just ignore you, she’d dismiss you. She’d raise one hand high, her mouth still near the toilet, and make a signal for you to leave.

You knew that was the moment you had to leave the bathroom, walk around the house, drink a glass of water, get one for her, and then go back to the bathroom.

It had become a routine and was making you feel worse and worse. You didn’t know if you cared too much about her or if it was just something anyone would feel or do.

It was at a party at a guy’s house, a guy that she held his hand for a long time when you got there with her, that things came to a crucial point. Things weren’t awkward between you two, but Cassie was changing, and you didn’t know how to handle it.

Right after you arrived, you obviously lost track of her; no matter how hard you tried to keep up, you were never 100% able to. It wasn’t until you went down to the basement that you saw her again. She was in the corner of a couch, staring at the ceiling and somehow alone there. There were people nearby, of course, but you could tell she was alone.

“Cassie…” Your voice sounded a little too worried this time as you stopped in front of her and looked down at her.

“Don’t start.” She clearly got annoyed very quickly by your tone of voice; it hadn’t been a very good week. You knew how her parents were giving her a hard time about her grades and absences from class.

But it wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t as if you hadn’t tried to help in any way you could. At certain times, you have to understand that there’s nothing you can do to help and you have to put yourself first.

And you were just a few hours away from doing just that.

“I didn't say anything.”

Cassie gets up with a sigh and wraps one arm around your neck, resting her face against the bare skin of your neck.

She sighed against your skin, and you took a deep breath.

“Cassie—”

“Shut up,” she murmured as her lips came a little too close to your chin, touching it lightly; you could smell the alcohol on her breath, and your chest ached.

“We’re not going to do this like this.” You placed one hand on her shoulder, pulling her away slightly and holding her in front of you, her body feeling a little too limp.

And she clearly hated your rejection, for all the wrong reasons.

“Can you stop being such a dick?” Her eyes narrowed and she almost slapped the hand that was resting on her shoulder. “Why do you always come to parties if you’re just going to judge me the whole time?”

You know that this said more about her than it did about you, that she was clearly projecting, that she felt this way because she was judging and belittling herself for her own actions.

“It’s not like we’re dating for you to give me such a hard time, fuck.”

She moved one hand to brush her hair back, taking steps backward until she fell onto the couch again, and you stared at her.

You didn’t know exactly what to say, but that made you go get a drink in the kitchen and walk around the unfamiliar house.

But you didn’t last long; you were about to leave, this time not caring whether she came along or not. You looked for her among the partygoers after not finding her in the basement, just to let her know you were leaving. The house was packed, but you could spot her vibrant hair and big eyes in the crowd, you always could; it was almost something to put on your resume.

You took small steps, squeezing your way through the sweaty people dancing; the music was so loud this time, it was extremely annoying for you.

Cassie scratched her nose and took a sip from the glass bottle in her hand.

“You’re together, aren’t you? You two always come together... Just because I was going to set you up with someone right now...” A girl at her side was talking to her.

“No, of course I'm not dating. Do you think I would be with-”

You heard her clearly, and it seemed almost like a joke, how loud and clear her words rang in your ear amid all the noise.

Your eyes met after you’d spent some time staring at her; you felt your arms go limp. Her words caused you physical pain, a strange reaction in your body that made you leave the party the very moment she looked at you.

You started avoiding Cassie McKay, 

And Cassie McKay began showing up at school less and less.

Cassie felt guilty and terrible about what had happened, because she knew she’d messed up, but at the same time she was starting to feel more and more that it had been for the best—that she didn’t deserve you anyway.

It was around 2 AM; you weren’t talking to Cassie anymore, you didn’t even say hello to each other in the hallways, and you never picked a sandwich to eat during breaks.

Your phone vibrated for a long time before you answered; an unknown number was on the screen, but as soon as you picked up, a voice you vaguely recognized called your name.

“Sorry to bother you at this hour, I know you probably aren’t with her, but Cassie hasn’t been home since yesterday and I don’t know who else to call.” Neil spoke nervously into the phone, his voice full of anguish that made you sit up in bed.

“Oh, hi Mr. Neil.” You rubbed your eyes, trying to wake up. “I’m sorry, I have no idea where Cassie is right now.”

He sighed, as if to say, “It’s okay, thanks,” and you both fell silent for a while.

“Do you know anyone I could call, kiddo?”

“Sorry no, I don't-” There is another moment of silence, you ponder what to do. “I can check if I can find out anything, maybe she posted something, alright?”

“Thank you, thank you.” He was clearly relieved just by the tiny reassurance you gave him. “Please call me and let me know if you find anything.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you so much, dear.” He says again and it's about to call off when he adds. “You are a very good friend to her.”

“I tried.” 

He gives a tiny sigh and you know he is probably thinking the same thing you are, but you both don't say anything.

After he rang up, you go to Instagram, searching for anything that might get you to see Cassie, and, of course, you find out, because the people she hangs out with always love posting things no one else cares about every weekend.

This time tho, you cared about a lot.

You didn’t tell Neil right away; you quickly threw on whatever clothes you could find to leave the house and headed to one of the parties. When you were close enough, you sent a text message to Neil saying you were coming to pick her up.

“Is Cassie here?” You asked as soon as you stepped into the room, turning toward a couple making out on the couch. This time, the house wasn’t very crowded, and you couldn’t be picky.

And you were too tired to be picky.

You clapped your hands in front of their faces, and they both glared at you.

“Cassie McKay.” You ignored the weight of their anger in their gaze. “Is she here?”

“Damn, in the bathroom upstairs probably.” The guy answered and nodded in denial as you left, getting back to making out.

It wasn’t hard to find her in the only bathroom in the house; she was sitting on the toilet with the lid down, and you opened the door without knocking.

She looked up at you right away; a guy was sitting in the bathtub, staring at the ceiling.

“Get out,” you said when you noticed him. He started mumbling something, and you cut him off mid-sentence. “Get the fuck out.!”

He looked at Cassie and snorted when she didn’t react, leaving the bathroom and bumping into your shoulder.

You closed the door as soon as he left and gripped the doorknob tightly.

“What are you doing here?”

“We are leaving.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Do you think I care about answering your questions given the situation you’re in, Cassie?”

It was the first time you’d said her name without any affection, and she could tell.

“I don’t care what you’re going to do next, but right now we’re getting out of here and I’m going to drop you off at home.” You sighed, looking at anything but her. “Your dad is worried sick, and I’m doing this for him, okay? Not for you.”

There were so many lies in every last sentence you’d spoken, but you weren’t going to let that show now.

You opened the door again and waited for her to get up and walk past you.

“Did my dad call you? I told him not to worry, damn.” She said with a sigh, slightly irritated as you walked down the stairs.

“Wow, how nice of you, Cassie.” Your tone was so sarcastic that she looked at you questioningly. “Telling your dad not to worry, and then staying out on the street and not coming home for days? Man, that’s really considerate of you.”

You were already in the middle of the street when she spoke up.

“I really don’t need this right now.”

“Of course you don’t, Cassie.” You shouted, raising your voice and turning toward her, taking a step back toward her. “But that’s what you’re going to get, ok? You’re going to have to put up with me here and now because, unlike those idiots, I care about you, even if you clearly don’t care about that.”

She fell silent, and you felt a weight on your shoulders again, sighing and turning toward the streetlights with their dim glow.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I am—”

Cassie began to say, her voice coming out softer, as you started walking again and she followed your pace.

“We don’t need to do this, Cassie. It’s good enough that you’re leaving; save your words for your dad.”

She moved her tongue inside her mouth, as if biting back the words she wanted to say. You paid for her bus fare, and you remained silent during the short ride.

When you arrived at her house, Neil opened the door before you could knock. He sighed with relief; together with her mother, they hugged her and chatted briefly before Cassie was pushed inside the door by her mother, unable to say anything else to you.

Neil looked at you from across the street as they walked in; he came over to you and hugged you, tears in his eyes. “Thank you.”

“It’s okay.”

You weren’t quite sure how to react, but you appreciated the small gesture and patted him on the back the way he used to do with you. He sighed and wiped his eyes, stepping back.

“Want to come in? Are you hungry? Have some tea? I can make you something or take you home.”

Neil was clearly tired, probably exhausted from the day’s emotions, but he still wanted to thank you somehow.

“No, it’s okay, Mr. Neil, thank you.”

He nodded in agreement, and you smiled slightly. Before he went inside, he spoke in a louder voice so you could hear him.

“Let me know when you get home.”

And you did.

But you never talked to Cassie after that.

On graduation day, Neil gave you a hug and congratulated you; Cassie wasn’t in your line of sight, and you were already trying not to think about her anymore.

And it got easier after a while, but now with her right in front of you, in the middle of the hospital chaos—something you already hate simply because it’s a hospital—your stomach churned, and you had to turn toward the floor so you wouldn’t throw up on the hospital bed.

Perlah quickly helped you, and Ogilvie glanced briefly at Cassie; you hadn’t mentioned any issues with nausea, queasiness, or stomach pain, it was just your leg hurting too much.

But as soon as she walked in, it happened—once again, a physical reaction bringing you back to McKay.

She said your name in a very soft, gentle voice after you sat back up more comfortably, moving closer to the end of the bed. She stared at Ogilvie’s open computer screen displaying your medical history and continued speaking without looking at you.

“Do you still take your pain medication without eating first?”

You took a while to answer, not because you didn’t want to admit that you did that or anything medical, but because she remembered it and you didn’t know what to do with that information.

“Yeah.”

“Did you do that today?” You answered yes, and she nodded before finally looking at you.

Ogilvie watched the conversation with some curiosity, and when McKay stopped asking you questions and giving explanations, he asked, “Acquaintances?”

“Kind of.” It was the first non-medical thing you’d answer all day. Cassie turned her gaze back to you, and you weren’t sure what that meant.

It was a little while later that she came back into the room, looking at the tablet in her hands with the test results.

“You doing good?”

“Could be better.” Your voice came out a little low and hoarse; you stared at your feet, a thick bandage wrapped around your thigh and calf on your right leg.

She gave you a warm smile and moved herself to your side, checking the medicine that was going to your veins.

“I wish I could be seeing you under different circumstances.”

You mumbled, without really answering the question. “I never imagined you in medical school—that’s really cool, Cass.”

The nickname slipped out of your mouth almost automatically and seemed to hang there like a thread between you, slowly reconnecting you.

“Thanks.”

There’s a very noticeable silence between you, but it doesn’t bother you; it just hangs there, as if everything that needed to be said were being slowly carried away by the noise of the ER machines.

“There’s a high thc level in your test results.” She says after a while, looking at you carefully.

You remain silent, your eyes falling to the floor again with a small sigh. “Yeah, I really should have found a better way to meet you again, shouldn’t I?”

“No, it’s fine, I just didn’t expect to see you like this, at my work and—”

“I think you’re the only one who thinks that.”

“I doubt it; everyone used to talk about your potential all the time, how great you are.”

“That was before.” You tilt your head to the side, resting it on the pillow. “A lot has changed.”

“A lot can still change, then.”

Silence falls again, and she steps back slightly, running a hand through her hair as she considers her next words.

“You know... I’m sober now.” Your eyes turn to her at the same moment. “Nine years, six months, and counting.”

Your mouth opens slightly in surprise and your eyebrows rise before you speak. “That is wonderful, Cassie.”

It's like seeing the best outcome in front of your eyes, how the girl you liked so much during your school year is now a doctor in front of you, sober and happy, heathy, smiling like you've never seen before.

“I'm very happy for you. Really.” Your smile reaches your eyes. “Really that is- amazing news.”

She smiles kindly at you, not sure what to answer, when Perlah breaks the moment by checking in your leg and medicine, McKay leaves when her phone rings.

A few minutes later, she’s meeting her dad in the break room.

“What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” Neil smiles and raises his hands at his daughter’s worried tone.

“No worries, dear, I was just at an appointment upstairs and took the opportunity to bring you the phone Harrison left at home.”

She sighs in relief after hugging her father and heads toward the coffee machine, scratching her forehead.

“I thought he’d give you a hard time about this.” Neil chuckles as he sits down in one of the chairs; Cassie doesn’t respond, and he stares at her questioningly, clearly sizing her up. “Everything’s fine?”

McKay takes a moment to answer, as if thinking hard about what to say. When she says he wouldn’t believe who’s here and mentions your name, Neil seems happier about that than he is to see his daughter.

“Really? Really? like The- Oh my God, that is amazing, I think the last time was… I don't know, at your graduation? Wow.” He says smiling and nodding, but then realization comes in. “Wait, in the ER? Why? What happened?”

“You know it's doctor policy to not talk about it right?” She smiles warmly as she looks back at her father and takes a sip of the coffee.

“Put me in that room and I will hear every word you said as a doctor.” She laughs, it's true, you would probably tell Neil about your health if he asked you.

“We should have dinner.”

Her face changes at the same moment, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“What?”

“You look down, Cassie.” he says kindly, scratching his chin. “Whatever happened… isn't it kind to just invite? Maybe it will be good for you to get back to good friendships or… relatio-”

“Stop.”

“I'm just saying.” He moves his hands up smiling a little and avoids her eyes, some things never really change. “Just think about it… I can't count the times you said how you wanted to talk again, get things right and clear, you two- it was… such an impact in your life, Cassie.”

There is a lot of fondness in his voice.

“That night could be get so bad if-”

“Don't go there.” She says as she puts the mug in the sink and crosses her arms.

“Sorry.” He sniffs a little and gets up, moving closer to her and patting her shoulder. “Just think about it, love, it’s good to get back sometimes.”

And he leaves her with a lot on her mind. When she has to come back to see you, she still doesn’t feel ready, but it’s her job, after all.

Cassie smiles at you as soon as she walks in, revealing the dimples you’d forgotten she had.

After a few test results and more boring hospital stuff that you’d probably ignore at some point, she says she’s going to get her discharge papers, but before she walks out the door.

“You… you know, I just saw my dad.” Her words make you look up in surprise. “You should come over to his place. For that dinner.”

You smile slightly at the sincere and surprising invitation.

“Do you still have that photo album?”

When you walk into the house you recognized from years ago, a little boy sitting on the couch glances at you over his shoulder, but quickly turns his attention back to the TV.

“You have a kid?” You look at Cassie and then back at the boy, searching for any resemblance.

Cassie looks at you and then at Harrison, who is completely engrossed in the cartoon.

“Well, yeah, I forgot to mention that.” She says, a little surprised at herself for having forgotten, not that you’d talked for very long, but still.

The truth is, she was so worried and anxious about you that she ended up not talking much about herself in those few minutes.

“I didn't know you were married.”

“No, I-” 

And before Cassie could answer, Neil appeared from the kitchen, cleaning his hands with a towel.

“Divorced.” He smiled and nodded his head, keeping quiet for some seconds to make sure you understood what he said. 

Cassie closed her mouth and bit her bottom lip, tilting her head to the side and sighing. Her father could be a little too bold sometimes. She whispered a ‘yeah, that…’ and put a hand behind her neck.

“Feeling better? Cassie said you showed up at the ER.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You spoke, smiling a little awkwardly at the conversation, and handed him a wrapped box, which he accepted with a smile.

“Of course, you brought something,” he smiled, holding the gift in his hands.

“Cheese,” you nodded and slipped your hands into your pockets. “I hope you still like it as much as I remembered.”

“Of course.” He smiled and took the things to the kitchen. “Come in, come in.”

A short time later, you were all sitting at the table having dinner: Cassie’s parents, her son, you, and her.

She watched you interact with the family as if you were that high school girl again, feeling something blossoming once more inside her chest.

But this time she would acknowledge those feelings.

It was a gentle conversation; they asked how you were doing, what you’d been up to lately, and what life was like in your new home, far from the neighborhood where you used to live.

And when Cassie's mother takes Harrison to tuck him in his bed, because of course, the greatest grandparents would have a little bedroom for him in their house, Neil leaves you two alone with the lie of needing to call someone urgently.

Cassie glances at him; she knows him and how he never has the urgency of calling someone if it's not his bingo night. 

And by the way he has been behaving, the little comments about you, she knows it's just to leave you two alone. The whole night has been things like:

“Oh, I can't believe you are that close to that guy at the zoo. I saw him on the news. Harrison loves the zoo, right kid?” 

“No, you don't have to worry about that, I'm sure we will have a lot more dinners that you can help with,” and then he glanced at Cassie and gave a little blink.

“Isn’t that near your workplace, Cassie? You guys must have almost run into each other a few times by now, right? How nice…”

And at some point, even her mom chimed in.

“Neil said how much he liked you. I couldn’t remember much about you, but it’s nice to get to know you again! You and Cassie were so sweet… I still have a lot of photos… of course, she didn’t like to take many, right, honey? But there are a few.”

And you even got to see some photos; it was sweet, seeing that Cassie you knew so well from years ago, and then turning to the side and noticing the same person, who wasn’t exactly the same person from the photos, she was so happy, so well, so beautiful, and clearly embarrassed by the family album.

And that just grew and continued; you started getting closer and closer, not just to Cassie, but to her family.

It's a night similar to your last talk when things change, when you are invited to dinner again, when you two are left alone because of a call that Neil needs to get another time.

When Cassie makes sure that you are getting your car safely at night again. 

And the dim light of the light poles of her parents' street reminds the two of you of your last talk, the one you had before you took her home to her parents and then never talked again.

The breeze passes through your nose, leaving the point of it pink and cold. She looks at you with her arms crossed, trying not to let the wind and her feelings get the best of her.

But she remembers the words she bit, that night, years ago.

“I wish I could've said more to you.”

You turn to her, not inserting the car keys into your car, leaving your hand against the window of the driver's seat as you turn to look at her.

“I’m back here anyway.”

“That is nice.” The silence of the night and empty streets makes your heartbeat seem a little too loud. “You know, I… I'm really glad for who you were.”

“I'm still alive, Cassie.” She chuckles, nodding with her head as she caresses her own elbows with her arms crossed.

“It's not like that.” She moves her eyes up to you. “I never really said how glad I was for having you around, still after everything… I- How… You were very kind to my father and family.”

You smile, moving your eyes to your car and then back at her, leaning your back against your car now, a hand scratching your chin.

“I lied.” She looks at you, unsure of what you are talking about. “You know I didn't do it because of him… that day.”

She nods and starts to take little steps to get closer to you.

“I-” She opens her mouth and stops.

“I really did it for you.” You nod, you feel your neck shivering, it's colder than it is supposed to be. Cassie used to give you that, all the time, physical reactions from your emotions. 

You’re standing very close together; you can see the zipper on her jacket fluttering in the wind and the way her dimples reappear. It’s even more beautiful than you thought it was.

“I know.” Her voice reaches your ears so softly, almost like a whisper.

“I am afraid I might like you more than what my body can handle, Cassie.”

“It’s okay.” Her voice continues soothing your chest, her hands go to your jacket, pulling the zipper up, and then resting her hand on your jawline, caressing your cheek with her thumb. “I have extra space for us in mine.”