If I were Amanda Seyfried I simply would have chosen gay Colin Firth to be my dad. I mean what were her other options? James Bond who can't sing? Pennywise's dad? The choice is clear.

i love student housing. i’m in the common room waiting for a friend and there’s some dude crying on the couch w a bunch of his friends around him and i can only hear bits and pieces but someone asked him “who gets the minecraft server if you guys break up?” and he started crying harder and a 3rd person reached over to smack the guy who asked it on the back of the head

university is the best place on earth bc everyone has like 400 iq points but we’re all collectively only using 18 of them (7 on weekends but we have to share them)

Ew university students aren’t smarter than anyone ever at any point

bitch i’m fucking screaming

the walking dead, game of thrones, and breaking bad were just superwholock for men

Game of Walking Bad

why the fuck is this so funny

you know how people call other people like “king” or “queen” endearingly? do you think we’ll be like “omfg CEO” in a post-capitalist future 

Last week I joked that my very cerebral, retired-police-chief-grandpa is basically Holt from Brooklyn 99 and then today someone said, “damn, we’re out of decaf” and he just deadpans “well there’s no need to get hysterical.”

Yesterday he said “if you need to insult the same person twice you’ve already failed in your goal to devastate them”

My Yaya was trying to remember the name of a guy who stole money from her in high school today and my grandpa instantly pipes up “his name was Bernie Ryan and he was a scoundrel”

Say what you will about “friends” but all of the memes about how dumb and unrealistic it is have in-universe explanations

Monica can afford that giant apartment in manhattan on a chef’s salary because she’s living there illegally, it was her grandmother’s rent-controlled apartment and the landlord doesn’t know her grandmother doesn’t live there anymore

Rachel isn’t fired from the coffee shop despite being overtly terrible at her job because her boss has a crush on her

They hang out with Ross because he’s Monica’s brother and they have to

What was the explanation for why it wasn’t funny

they’re new yorkers

The most dangerous flightless bird in Australia is sitting under a beach umbrella stealing grapes.

Where else you want her to sit

tumblr is the only social media site where it’s completely useless to have a lot of followers

God bless whoever wrote that comment

why the hell are we still on this stupid website

not straight enough for facebook & too ugly for instagram