Sea Druid

Hazbin

Snake King’s Bride

Adventures At VoxTek

Has-Been Amongst Hazbins

cw: taxidermy, cannibalism, mutilation, brains in jars, flaccid penis.

so you know all those funky attractions across America with like the wax statues or monster museums?

so basically it was this a little ranch in the woods that put on display all these weird attractions think of like a Renaissance fair, but for old scary myths.

so they were all these brains of like… a cannibal cult just in these jars right? And then, at a different point in the fair there was this town of the taxidermied skins of this cannibal cult… (kinda like a wax museum)

and someone warned the main girl and her guy side kick as a crowd was leaving for the night “oh you don’t wanna go in there. these things sway with the wind, so it’ll just be you and they’re trying to remember all of their positions, so you don’t freak yourself out.”

but like in any horror movie, they don’t listen they go inside it’s creepy and then they see this woman in this old Timey Victorian cowgirl set up if that makes any sense? she was wearing a more Victorian style, puffy dress and bonnet, but she was speaking like Sandy Cheeks; the whole “howdy y’all” thing

hey, so this one comes up to the main duo and she starts speaking to them, warning them to leave because it’s almost night.

and then, for some reason, I start hearing my own voice in my head say “oh, these people are definitely gonna come alive as ghosts.”

then she starts telling the story of how one of the visitors of married one of these taxidermy skin suits in poem form I think?? and it was rhyming and talking about his flaccid penis… it ended like this:

You, the spouse of Vincent, Whitman, come to take him home after every one of his TV segments. No matter, if he’s just a simple weatherman or hosting his own primetime show.

The sounds you want me to greet him with “hey, how’s the most beautiful person in the world doing today?”

he smirks at you and responds with. “I don’t know. How are you doing?”

decades of the same lovey-dovey crap that everyone’s sick of…

and then he dies…

decades past and eventually you go too. You end up in hell for some unspecified and unimportant reason.

you see him again… well, you recognize his voice.

he’s now a CRT TV…

in your time apart Vincent has become so self-conscious. He was once an utter heartthrob and now… he’s got a block of wires for a head! you meet him again as an overlord… after Alastor’s rejection, he’s become even more self-conscious…

and the first thing you say to him as he tries to run away hoping and praying that you don’t recognize him…