Hi!

Do you want to see more sword crime? 👀

Write that one-shot. Those 3 chapters will be the best 10 chapters you ever wrote

ohhhh shit. target is recalling their up & up baby wipes (fragrance free & fresh cucumber scented) because they're contaminated with Burkholderia cepacia complex and Burkholderia gladioli, multiple people are reporting discoloration & infections. i just got a call about it cuz i had purchased those but i've already gone through them 😅 so no refund for me. but im fine. if you have these they're saying you need to immediately stop using them and bring them back to target for a full refund. this bacteria can cause life threatening infections in children/infants and people with compromises immune systems (ESPECIALLY cystic fibrosis!!) and i know lots of other chronically ill people follow me!!!!

If you use baby wipes go check them NOW. A lot of Burkholderia bugs are antibiotic resistant so infections can be really difficult to treat.

I realize this is a cast iron gate but I’m choosing to believe it’s a magic protection ritual

It IS a magic protection ritual, and it summons an iron gate to protect you from intruders. 

“I cast Iron Gate!”

As a blacksmith I have been called a wizard by several small kids

TBF mystery girl might be into that...

... now I want a gothic novel Steven Universe

long distance friends pets feel like celebrities because you can only be parasocial with them

As per my last clay tablet,

CCing Ibbi-Ilabrat on this one just to make sure we’re all on the same page!

“The sesame is visibly dying” makes me lose it every time. My sesame #mysesame

yknow how some museums will have replicas of artifacts for you to touch? they should do that but with things i can put in my mouth. like little candies shaped like roman coins or potsherds or bits of egyptian glass or what have you. let me eat the artifacts. let me in. let me innnnnnn

the "rip ___ you would have loved ___" meme is inherently more fun with ancient characters. rip clytemnestra you would have loved morse code. rip theseus you would have loved the airtag. rip callisto you would have loved wearing shorts.

rip Icarus you would have loved parachutes

my fav relationship ship dynamic is where it doesn't matter if you call it platonic or romantic or queerplatonic because they always act the same in every type of relationship. and the way they act? fucking weird.

"Love/sex is what makes us human" Wrong. It's the obsession with rectangles. look around you and count the number of rectangles you see.

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

Love character relationships that can only be described as "whatever the fuck these two have going on"

go, go my skeleton lovers. my boners if you will