rebar apologist

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester Word Count: 3,632 Additional tags: Fluff, Angst, Crack Treated Seriously, Oral Sex, Frottage, Dean's cowboy kink

Okay—he'd been half-joking about the fetish thing. Half. The last time Dean had the flu, Sam suffered through a full marathon of Eastwood: two days of gun smoke and spur jangles while Dean sweated out a fever beside him. A Fistful of Dollars. The Outlaw Josey Wales. Unforgiven. Sam made it through Pale Rider by counting ceiling cracks, but Dean—sniffling, wheezing, pale—watched it with pure, glassy-eyed devotion.

Every time Sam's eyelids dropped, a bony elbow would jab his ribs—"Look, Sammy, this is the best part." Chin dropped to chest, Dean's voice would grind into a low growl: "Dyin' ain't much of a livin', Boy."

Then he'd grin, thoroughly pleased with himself, and shoot Sam the smarmiest of winks.

I knew this anon was going to come one day lmaoooo

Yeahhhhhh—the long and short of it is that I changed the outline too many times, wrote myself into a corner, got frustrated, and then the longer I went without updating the guiltier I felt. Many such cases, etc.

I also felt like I needed to have spent more time in the beginning giving Sam more characterization. As someone who spent 10 years rp-ing Sam, I was surprised by how easy it was to sweep him under the rug when writing Dean's POV. Especially at that age, especially in the super-close POV I was trying to maintain. By the time I got to the point where I wanted them to be pining for each other, it was like oops, forgot to give Sam a personality 😭 (Which is, perhaps, the most Dean problem to have.)

It's the first fic I ever uploaded on a chapter by chapter basis, so it was definitely a learning experience. Honestly, I still haven't given up on it and I plan on reworking and reuploading it eventually. I deleted it because 1.) when I do rework it I want to re-start from scratch, and 2.) it was sapping my inspiration when I looked at it on ao3 and new it wasn't the best version of itself. I'm sorry anon!!!!