I'm a non-usamerican in a discord server with almost exclusively usamericans and I've run into a very weird communication problem.
Background: disagreeing loudly, complaining, and hurling low-level insults at each other reddit-style is not only normal in my culture, but also a way of bonding with people. I'm aware that this is not the case in female- and/or queer-dominated usamerican spaces (including said server) and have always been careful about that point.
Only, in this server, there doesn't seem to be ANY expressing of alternative opinions allowed. You agree, or you keep your mouth shut. How did I find this out?
At first, I was having a great time in the server, until one day another member with whom I thought I had a good relationship and even co-wrote a oneshot with said (not in the vent channel) that people who write rpf are "cruel and disgusting" and I, a known writer and reader of one historical rpf show, very politely and in a friendly way went haha yeah modern celebrity culture breeds parasociality like crazy and some people don't respect boundaries, but there are all kinds of rpf and there's nothing parasocial or cruel about most of them, like historical rpf (Hint-hint nudge-nudge like the one I don't know how she could've missed that I write/read?? Not that I think any rpf is cruel and disgusting, but this seemed to me like a gentle way to check a friend, as I assumed her to be) The conversation in that channel ended instantly. By all members involved. For the entire rest of the day. I thought, oh, well, thorny topic, must've hit a sore spot.
Another day, another person was complaining about mint-free products, of all things (also not in the vent channel), so I said haha as a mint allergy haver, those are a godsend for me, leave them all to me. Insta-end of the conversation. By everyone. Weird, I thought, but maybe it was a boring convo?
Yet another day and the exact same thing happened over a minor difference in how I see a certain blorbo's certain action. I was starting to get a bit creeped out at this point.
That same day, a mod refered to me as "confrontational" when talking to another member (where I could see) and that's when I got fully creeped out and started scrolling through the past conversations in that server and realized that NOBODY ever expressed disagreement over anything, as far as I was able to find in almost half an hour of scrolling and reading people's convos.
And no, the server's rules said nothing on the topic, so it wasn't a violation. And no, this didn't happen to me when I was agreeing with people, so I don't think it's an attempt at bullying me either.
Is this as insane and creepy as it seems to me, or am I so influenced by my culture that I literally never noticed that I shouldn't express disagreement ever and that disagreement=confrontational??
This sounds like a toxic pit of 20-somethings who need to grow spines and learn boundaries, thus allowing them to also learn to weather minor momentary discomfort in a conversation.
Yes, lots of fandomy spaces full of Americans can be broadly conflict averse. The tone in which you would naturally argue with people at home would be unwelcome, but this isn't that. This is wall-to-wall red flags.
Granted, we only have your own description to go on, but if what you've written here is accurate, no, that's not normal for us either.
