These are Thoughts and They are Mine

My dad had one of those heart attacks that people like to call “widow makers.” It happened at work where there were people around and he could help quickly. If it had happened at home in the studio apartment he lives be himself, he would not have been resuscitated in time. There’s no reason that I’m telling you this, I just want to tell somebody. I don’t know what to do, because he’s currently 5 hours away and something like this does not feel real when you don’t actually get to see the person laying in the hospital bed with a bunch of tubes coming out of them. I suppose I’m just numb to it at the moment, which could be the worst thing to be honestly.  Also, I’ve heard a million times that you should tell the people you love that you love them when you have the chance and I always agreed, but never truly felt the weight of that until yesterday. Please, tell people that you love them.

I met a boy that tells me it's hot how smart I am and that it's hot that I want to get my masters someday, and that it's hot I'll probably be working 2 jobs this summer. He said he thinks it's cute that I always put on lotion before I go to bed because it's my little way of taking care of myself. Today he told me my eyes are pretty. He told me his room feels empty without me. He always tells me to get home safe and text him when I get there. He's kind, and he's patient, and he is way too good for me. But he holds my hand and kisses me in public, and I don't have any idea what I did to deserve him.

Sometimes I think about the ex that asked you to cut her, and I wonder if you told her all about your exes the way you told me I assume you didn’t because telling me has left plenty of cuts everywhere you’ve ever touched me So if you had told her, she never would have needed to ask

-just getting out of bed is like running a marathon

I Need You

For the days you don't wake up until noon and then still can't get out of bed for another hour even though you promised yourself today would be different For the days when the what ifs can't stop circling around your head and screaming about how much better your life could of been For the days it feels like your soul is turning orange and rotting with the autumn leaves but no one takes pictures of you or says you're their favorite season For the days when you only eat because you know you should For the days you feel like you’re wasting every inch of space you’re occupying but no matter how hard you try it feels like the only thing shrinking is your mental health For the days when you can't stop thinking about how every person you know has people that love them but you've eaten every meal this week alone For the days when not even music sounds good anymore For the days you're reminded that you're the last of your friends (who haven't talked to you in days) without a significant other For the days that you know would disappoint your mother if she wasn't 2 states over For the days you avoid your roommate because you want her to think that today you actually left the apartment For the days you just want to run away but you know the problem isn't where you live it's what lives inside your head For the days you start to wonder if the reason no body told you it would be this bad isn't because they were keeping it a secret but because it isn't this bad for them For the days when even going to bed is a battle because you know as soon as you wake up you're just going to have another one of those days

1. People with high functioning depression are not lying about having depression 2. People with high functioning depression aren’t just overreacting about normal human emotions 3. The emotions and experiences of people with high functioning depression are just as valid as those of people with different kinds of depression 4. People with high functioning depression are not recovering from a different type of depression. They’re not necessarily recovering at all. They may be getting worse. 5. People with high functioning depression aren’t lucky they don’t have a different form of depression 6. People with high functioning depression aren’t high functioning because they’re coping really well with their depression 7. People with high functioning depression aren’t necessarily going to know how to help you cope with your depression 8. High functioning depression is its own form of depression 9. People with high functioning depression might not show any signs of depression 10. High functioning depression can be just as crippling and dangerous as any other form of depression. It may even be more dangerous because often times you won’t notice the warning signs 11. People with high functioning depression may not know they have depression because it hides itself so well 12. People with high functioning depression deserve just as much help and love as people with any other form of depression If you have high functioning depression, your feelings are valid. You deserve love and support. You are allowed to ask for help. You are not alone.