Magpies and Shiny things

first rule of storing tupperware is have fun and be yourself. second suggestion is slam the cabinet door quickly and don’t worry ‘bout it.

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

Ilya going through the same nauseous shock I went through getting into a relationship where you suddenly realise you’re Not the Big Scary Wall of Nothing you’re actually a simpering romantic idiot fool and that’s ok. He catches himself literally kicking his feet while texting Shane post-cottage and has to suppress The Internal Grigori to remind himself he’s allowed to feel this way, actually, and he has been for a long time.

#my family does this thing#when we've majorly unfucked a room or done chore that we were putting off#or whatever. Any sort of household Improvement.#'Come brag on me.'#I means come look I cleaned/rearranged/did dishes/put away the laundry#and the scripted response is 'oh nice it looks SO much better in here now'#like my mom did this when we were kids.#'girls comr brag on the garage I finally organized it so I can get my car in there'#and we go and 'ooh' and 'aah' and tell her how nice it looked and how she did a good job#and we could have her 'come brag on' us for like doing the dishes or cleaning our rooms#I do it to my wife now too#it's a dialogue that means#'I did a chore and it feels like an Accomplishment even if it objectively wasn't a big thing. Please acknowledge this.'#and#'Wow you sure did do a thing. It has improved our material circumstance even if only in a small way. Thank you for doing it.'#like yeah scrubbing the pans is my Job and it's a Little Task but sometimes it feels like a Big Task#and it's nice to have an Accepted Script where I can just demand 'I have functioned as an independent adult praise me with great praise' - by @thepioden

we need to invent a spray tan-style treatment but instead of spraying you with tanning stuff it sprays you with heavy duty spf. and it lasts a few weeks so that way you can just get your spf spray a few times a summer instead of having to spend 10 minutes every day getting sticky and oily and making sure the sunscreen is all rubbed in. how do i get on shark tank

not to be that guy but girls will read lemony snicket’s love letter to end all love letters ONCE and then have strange ideas abt romance forever

@three-leafed-clover

okay you people are driving me fucking crazy. shane hollander has an eating disorder. shane hollander does not have fucking anorexia. shane does not think he's fat, shane is not afraid of gaining weight- he is a professional athlete in a high contact sport, if anything he would be worried he weighs too little. what he has is orthorexia- he's fixated on health, on being at absolute peak performance, "my body is a microchip a grain of sand could destroy it" type shit. he doesn't hate fast food because it's high in calories, he hates it because it's low in nutrients. his issues with food don't come from body dysmorphia or self image concerns, they are a manifestation of how rigidly he attempts to control his life, how obsessed he is with perfecting himself, how hard he believes he has to try to make up for his perceived failings. it's not about fucking weight.

a lot of rpf can be explained by the fact that actors are all like that with each other constantly but i never want to say that on here because it feels like telling a 7-year-old santa isn’t real

actors hanging off of each other constantly isn’t a sign that they’re fucking it’s a sign that they were once in a BFA program and never relearned normal boundaries. when actors are fucking and it’s complicated they won’t even stand in the same room with each other.

Something so funny about rereading one's own unfinished fics. Like wow this is pretty good! Almost as if was written exactly according to what I personally like in fact! Someone should finish it!

number one thing i want for public bathrooms is for them to be unisex accessible safe private and clean. number two thing i want for pubic bathrooms is for them to have flat surfaces in the stalls you can put your handheld items down on when youre shittin. ive encountered it in like two bathrooms ever and it changed my life for real.

"Marleau feels terrible he did not mean to hurt you." #i stand with my cancelled wife #even if my cancelled wife almost killed my future husband #my cancelled wife did not mean to hurt him

I think I might be about to send a deranged email