Magpies and Shiny things

it dawned on me earlier when i was explaining dodge vipers to a friend who doesn't know cars how fucking insane they were

no airbags is fucking insane; please tell me it at least has seatbelts

it did have seatbelts! it did not have external door handles though lol

In love with the idea of Ilya sitting Rose down like she did with Shane and him being like “lesbian 🫵🏻” and then the next time Ilya, Shane, and Rose hang out, she’s telling them how she can’t believe she didn’t realize she was gay and that all of the gay men she’s dated should have been a clue, etc. and Ilya looks her dead in the eyes and goes “not so gay you couldn’t fuck Shane Hollander”

no worse feeling that going on some subculture fashion clothing website and seeing the size chart runs from extra small to petite to pequeño to microscopique. yeah here at DeathKillFuckShadow Fantastique Cloth Imaginations i think you’ll find that we see the world a bit difference… we have bleak brutal imaginations… what if blood and fangs were COOL… but we cannot in our most tortured imaginations picture a woman who has a stouter frame than the fucking Insulindian Phasmid

He would actually do this and worse it would actually work on Shane. Although assuming it’s still initial gym sequence timeline I think Shane would initially assume Ilya was trying to call him scrawny and be all defensive and then BLINDSIDED BY LUST.

first rule of storing tupperware is have fun and be yourself. second suggestion is slam the cabinet door quickly and don’t worry ‘bout it.

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

Ilya going through the same nauseous shock I went through getting into a relationship where you suddenly realise you’re Not the Big Scary Wall of Nothing you’re actually a simpering romantic idiot fool and that’s ok. He catches himself literally kicking his feet while texting Shane post-cottage and has to suppress The Internal Grigori to remind himself he’s allowed to feel this way, actually, and he has been for a long time.

#my family does this thing#when we've majorly unfucked a room or done chore that we were putting off#or whatever. Any sort of household Improvement.#'Come brag on me.'#I means come look I cleaned/rearranged/did dishes/put away the laundry#and the scripted response is 'oh nice it looks SO much better in here now'#like my mom did this when we were kids.#'girls comr brag on the garage I finally organized it so I can get my car in there'#and we go and 'ooh' and 'aah' and tell her how nice it looked and how she did a good job#and we could have her 'come brag on' us for like doing the dishes or cleaning our rooms#I do it to my wife now too#it's a dialogue that means#'I did a chore and it feels like an Accomplishment even if it objectively wasn't a big thing. Please acknowledge this.'#and#'Wow you sure did do a thing. It has improved our material circumstance even if only in a small way. Thank you for doing it.'#like yeah scrubbing the pans is my Job and it's a Little Task but sometimes it feels like a Big Task#and it's nice to have an Accepted Script where I can just demand 'I have functioned as an independent adult praise me with great praise' - by @thepioden

we need to invent a spray tan-style treatment but instead of spraying you with tanning stuff it sprays you with heavy duty spf. and it lasts a few weeks so that way you can just get your spf spray a few times a summer instead of having to spend 10 minutes every day getting sticky and oily and making sure the sunscreen is all rubbed in. how do i get on shark tank

not to be that guy but girls will read lemony snicket’s love letter to end all love letters ONCE and then have strange ideas abt romance forever

@three-leafed-clover

okay you people are driving me fucking crazy. shane hollander has an eating disorder. shane hollander does not have fucking anorexia. shane does not think he's fat, shane is not afraid of gaining weight- he is a professional athlete in a high contact sport, if anything he would be worried he weighs too little. what he has is orthorexia- he's fixated on health, on being at absolute peak performance, "my body is a microchip a grain of sand could destroy it" type shit. he doesn't hate fast food because it's high in calories, he hates it because it's low in nutrients. his issues with food don't come from body dysmorphia or self image concerns, they are a manifestation of how rigidly he attempts to control his life, how obsessed he is with perfecting himself, how hard he believes he has to try to make up for his perceived failings. it's not about fucking weight.