What am I doing with my life?

Didn't realize they made emergency thermal blankets for babies

This was wild because I forgot your high schoolers are called seniors and I thought you were talking about old folks

“it was their second to last day”

For more information search for "Star Trek Rule 34"

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

a guy shoots at me with a sniper rifle and I catch the bullet in my teeth and eat it, but he saw that coming and put poison in the bullet, but I saw that coming and drank an antidote ahead of time, but all those weird chemicals still give me a really bad kidney stone a few days later and I pass out from pain and crash my car into, by pure coincidence, the sniper

my friend's puppy has baffling levels of attitude for someone who's only been around for a handful of months. he understands concepts like deceit and civil disobedience and other things i didn't fully grasp until well into my 20s. this guy doesn't even know the seasons loop yet. he's probably like okay spring. what's next. some other new bullshit i bet

My gf loves playing with my dick in bed because it's "like a little fidget toy"

Normal sized fidget toy

this is so rampant among horse people it's wild. i rode a mare all my life and she was the gentlest, kindest soul i've ever met in any animal. yet the way every other rider i worked with, including women, would make assumptions and disparage her like 'oh you couldn't pay me to ride a mare' because they're supposedly difficult, unpredictable, and mean. it's crazy to listen to people talk about a horse the same way men talk about their 'crazy exes' in 90s sitcoms and that is not an exaggeration.

birds are so privileged for being able to sit on top of street lamps and judge people. i wish i was up there

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

I don't want to be negative but I do think we need to kill some of these people