Outerspace Starfish

im so sorry i never participated in the reblog game you tagged me in i love you very much im just so tired

by the fourth or fifth time you "come back wrong" no ones even impressed anymore

Girl who’s known for never learning from her mistakes voice: If I could go back I’d do everything right this time

are you unemployed? has it been a while since youve thought about killing yourself? dont worry, indeed dot com can change one of those things

just heard a coworker say "I know this thing wouldn't even work for Jesus" about her printer

heard three people say "amen" in response

the bond between two mutuals who've never talked but have the same taste. energetically, psychically aligned. sisters in vibes

what's your "if I won the lottery I wouldn't tell anyone but there would be signs" thing? mine is getting a fully green kitchen

My one boring tip to anyone in their 20s is to resist the temptation to rot in your room every time you get a free moment. Dismiss any neuroses you have about going outside and "being perceived". Be a dictator about it, plan your hangouts like they are binding commitments. No excuses! Go to the bar with your friends. Be kinda hungover at work. Socializing is like exercise; even if you don't feel like you want to, you should still do it because it's good for you.

i hope my blog feels like you’re walking through a really well-curated museum except there’s this guy next to you who’s talking on the phone and saying really insane things and you just have to deal with that

This is painfully American

when we say "it is functionally impossible to parody Americans in a way that will actually insult them" this is the sort of thing you're up against. is your sick burn funnier than corporation burger clown sing national anthem baseball game? no?? of course it isn't.

fucking the everything bagel for everything