Egocentric ramblings from The Overlady

Behind the curtain, the seats begin to fill. He let it fall back from where he was peeking out, and returned to pacing a trench into the stage.

“Ugh, do you have to? You're making me dizzy.”

“Ah.” Carrot stopped abruptly, an apologetic wince on his face, but Almond took no notice of it, rolling her eyes and admiring the very bottom of the set.

“This isn't even going to be tough! Hope you're not getting comfortable, Cuco. We'll have this bogus crocus before Mr R can say...”

“Fabulous work, darlings. You've made it to the Final Round.”

“Right!”

Almond's eyes went big as saucers. She spun, and came face to stomach with Mr R himself.

“I hope I'm... fashionably late for the pre-contest pep talk. As you know, the other contestants have retired. But the show must go on. Simply being the last contestant standing isn't enough for a royal performance. And the crocus...” A lazy gesture to the top of the massive tower. His glasses glint in the stage lights. “It gets misplaced so easily. A princess and her... companions must scale many obstacles. Some more literal than others.”

“Excuse me, Mr R, Sir. Why are you holding the microphone?”

“Ladies and gentlemen. I give you The Height Of Fashion.”

“But I thought-” Cucumber began, before the gasp of the audience silenced him. The curtains fell away, and rising up, through the roof and into the sky, was the tower. A light glistened at the top.

“Beautiful, isn't it? The symbolism, of course, is perfectly pedestrian. But the challenge will require a majestic effort, my darlings.”

“Er. P-pardon my asking, but isn't this... dangerous?”

“I'm so glad you asked,” Mr R replied, without the first hint of gladness. “To bare ones soul in honesty...”

He clenched a fist. “It’s powerful. Bold. I love it. But isn't life dangerous? Isn't struggle such a pure form of expression? Isn't that why we are all here, tonight?”

“Huh.” Almond snatched the microphone from Mr R. “I'm here for the flower, pal!”

“Which – which, Almond, is a fake, and contains no-”

“Which gets us a five star trip to the next kingdom! Weren't you listening? Can't you imagine? The food!”

“The spa,” Nautilus added.

“The beds,” Groaned cucumber.

A breath ebbed out of Carrot, and he took a long look up at the tower. “Of course.” His lips twitched up in something a long way from a smile. “W-worth any danger.”

They were already in front of him, the three of them. Sizing themselves up against the tower of perils made for them. It was...

He swallowed.

Formidable.

Yet he had to forge ahead. For them. They were only children. Frightfully small. Filled with all the bravery he lacked.

“One last gift. Before your climb.”

With a snap of his fingers, one of Mr R's assistants stepped forward, holding a map on a silver platter.

“I – I – I'll carry that!” Carrot darted over, plucking the map into his hands before anybody else could reach for it.

“Hey!” Almond jumped for it anyway, mercifully out of reach. “What's the big idea!”

“Amongst the knights, I was known to have some skill at navigation,” Carrot explained. “With Princess Nautilus's keen intellect, Cucumber's magic, and your... energy, and skill with a blade, this seemed... sensible? Now, c-come along, ch-”

“Enough talk! I want to see what this thing's got!”

Almond bolted to the outer edge of the tower, scaling its first walls and platforms without losing place. Nautilus and Cucumber followed, leaving Carrot...

Alone. With the map. At the back.

~

“So what's up first? Pit of robo-piranhas? A temple of cool ancient magic? Oh! A spike trap? From the walls! Pow!” Almond's sword came out, and she brandished it wildly on the narrow path they walked along. They were high up, already. Clouds swirled over the side – the effect only slightly ruined by the small, humming boxes that created them.

“Let me see. Ah. Hmm.”

He looked again at the map. It... definitely said that.

“The first challenge is called the, ah, lava falls.”

Almond lit up. Cucumber and Nautilus did the opposite. “Lava? Cool!”

“Very droll, finalist.” One of the clouds parted, and a small box hovered in front of them, displaying a picture of Mr R sat behind a table. “Will you be showing us a hot new look tonight?” He asked, steepling his fingers. “Or are your plans to reach the crocus about to go up in flames?”

A perfectly manicured finger pressed a small red button on the table. The ground shook, then split. Quick as a flash, Carrot was back against the wall, one hand around Nautilus, the other around Cucumber.

“C-careful, children!” He called to them. The first blast of heat reached them, an orange glow lighting the side of the tower.

“Woah!” Almond was teetering at the edge of a yawning gap. Her arms windmilled, but it wasn't enough. Time slowed, and Carrot could only watch in horror. She would fall. Unless – unless he acted. Unless he did something.

Carrot tried to move, but his legs were stone. Arms trembling, he reached out, tried to lever himself far enough from the tower wall far enough to get a hand – a finger – to her and-

She tipped back. Reach. Reach.

His arm grasped the neck of her shirt and tugged. She tumbled backwards end over end, crashing into the wall beside them and landing in a tangled heap.

“Oof!”

“Watch your step. That's Mister R's tip.” The box turned around, and it flew off, disappearing back into the clouds.

“Sir Carrot!” Nautilus gasped. “That was very brave of you!”

“Err,” Carrot groaned, slumping to the ground. The world swam dizzily, so he shut his eyes. It didn't help. “Was it?”

“I suppose it could've been braver if you'd moved, but yes! It was! You have done your best today, Carrot. We shall not forget.” She paused. “On purpose.”

“Uh,” Almond picked herself up, shaking the fog from her head. “That map of yours say anything about the way past?”

“I'm afraid not, Almond,” Carrot answered without opening his eyes. “It was not a very precise map.”

“What about a spell?” Cucumber offered.

“Unless you make a plug that can do lava, Cuco, I think we're going to have to jump for it!”

“Goodness!” Carrot's eyes snapped open, and he reached out for Almond. “I'm sure we can search for another answer!”

“Perhaps there's a clue,” Agreed Nautilus. “Or a puzzle.”

“Boring!”

For a very short while, there was quiet, as the four of them thought on a way past the lava. The gap between them and the far side was far past acrobatics, and it oozed down from the side of the tower and off the side, leaving no way past above or below. Lava falls, indeed.

“Anyone want pizza?”

Almond's stomach growled loud enough to be heard over the lava's burbling.

“I fear that might be a yes,” Nautilus answered for her.

“I never thought lava could be so dull!” Yelled Almond, tossing a rock into the flow. It hissed, and vanished. “Where's the hanging vine, or an awesome rope bridge that's on fire, or – anything!”

“Now, Almond, I'm certain if we only apply our minds-”

“You'll come up with something?” She shot back angrily. “Maybe you'll cry us a way across?”

She stared angrily, and very slowly, realised what she'd said.

“Wait!” Nautilus said. “That's it! Cucumber, your wand, with Splashmaster's power!”

She stepped towards the edge of the flow, beckoning cucumber over. Splashmaster's stone was set in it, and Nautilus braced her arms to his.

“I think we'll have to run.”

The wand came up, and a blast of water nearly sent them flying backwards. But they held firm, and it sending it into the lava with a tremendous hiss. At first, nothing happened. But slowly, the surface of the flow darkened. Where the jet hit, a crust began to appear.

“This is more like it!” Grinned Almond, her quarrel with Carrot already forgotten. “Go, Cuco! Blast it!”

The surface blackened more, stone shrieking and cracking as it cooled. The spray from the wand slowed, then stopped entirely.

“Wonderful work!”

“I-indeed. Is this... safe?”

“It won't be for long, scaredy-butt!” Almond called out, and with a whoop, she hurtled over the stone bridge, leaping for the far side!”

“Oh oh!” She tugged off her boots, blowing at their soles. “Still hot!”

Carrot swallowed a lump in his throat. If only he had an ounce of their bravery. He could do so much more. Be of more use than a... map holder. Perhaps if he'd been braver he would... still see her.

He laughed, to himself. If Peridot's statues still saw anything. But he wasn't braver. He was here. With a map, and three children who didn't need him in the slightest. Three children that as a knight, he was responsible for, each and every time they rescued him, and all he had done was weep and run and hide.

He scrunched it the map in his hands – then carefully neatened it back out again.

I will run, he told himself. I will run, to show Cucumber and Nautilus there's nothing to fear.

I will run.

“Will you hurry up?” Demanded Almond. Flanked by Nautilus and Cucumber.

Well done, Carrot. You've saved the day again.

~

“I didn't mean what I said. About crying.”

“It was true.”

“I nearly fell into lava. You pulled me back. That was fun.”

“Not the word I would have chosen.”

~

“I applaud you on traversing my lava falls, Royal finalists. As well as defeating the lake of cake, and mastering my mirror maze.” Mr R's face said. Behind him, an assistant clapped three times. “But let's not get ahead of ourselves. In the world of fashion, it's a long way to the top. So it has been for you. My dear man with the map and the daring retro look. Step forward.”

“D-daring? Thank... you?”

“Don't. There's no points for effort in this contest. Why don't you read out the final point on our journey to the top.”

“Ah. Of course. The summit. That's... all it says.”

A glimmer of amusement. “Then that is all you need to know, Finalists.”

His face vanished. The little box that displayed it fell from the sky. Up here, the glow from the false Crocus lit the night, and the snow that had begun to fall. Down below, the stage was a tiny splash of light. Instinctively, Carrot edged away, just in time for a breeze to whip around him, and sweep the map off into the night.

“Err!”

“Who cares about the map! We're here!”

Almond's feet kicked loose clods of snow as she pulled herself over the edge, then she vanished, without waiting to help the rest of them up.

“Up we go,” Carrot made a foothold of his hands, pushing first Cucumber, then Nautilus, up after Almond. “What's... err, up there?”

More snow fell, more quickly. The wind blew, fiercer. Louder.

“Children?”

But not so loud he shouldn't hear their reply.

“Children, wait!”

He grabbed the edge, hauling himself over the lip. Nothing was there but the Crocus.

“Children? Where have you gone?”

He turned in a wide circle, once, twice, checking and double checking there was no hidden nook he might have missed. There wasn't. They were gone. Suddenly, inexplicably, gone.

“Have you lost something?” A voice spoke in his ear, an amused laughter on her lips. “My, my. How careless.”

“Rosemaster! Where have you taken them!”

“Me?” She was before him, now, a hand across her chest. “I'm defeated, dear. You were... there.”

“Please! Have some mercy! Show me where they've gone! I can-!”

“Save them?” A smile broke across her features, lined with teeth. “I think you're backwards.”

“What is this? How can you be here, if we beat you?”

“Did you?” She laughed. “Did you really beat me? Perhaps that's the problem. Perhaps I'm here because you lost. You couldn't save anyone, really. Such a trite tragedy.”

“No.” This was wrong. It was all... wrong. “It can't be. I don't want to defeat anyone. I don't want to save anyone! I know that I'm not brave! I know that I'm no warrior! I don't want anyone to be in danger to begin with! I do not want to be the hero, I just want my friends back! Here! With me!”

Rosemaster was already gone, and his friends were returned, arranged before the Crocus, neatly in the snow.

~