Absolute Guy of All Time @osmiabee - Tumblr Blog

a watched nut never busts. or something. i dont fucking know what you people find funny anymore. 9/11.

why is this the one

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tall

venndaai

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

venndaai

they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you

fluorescentbrains

this post prompted me to refresh my memory on Greenland Shark Facts and this detail about how they feed goes so hard

just vacuuming up their unsuspecting prey. whole !

muffinlance

Good news good news good news! Recent research suggests the eye parasites do NOT blind them!

Dorota Skowronska-Krawczyk sits in her office, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of her. "You see it move its eye," says the UC Ir

I <3 you a normal amount Greenland sharks

corrya

How it feels watching your tumblr mutuals engage in discourse about fandoms you've never heard of

#beardsleyyyyyyy!!!

hyrude

i've searched every combination of words imaginable and i still can't find that gif of the german star trek parody where gay spock is quickly drinking coffee and smoking freaking out PLEASE send it to me i need it urgently

lamphous

matched set

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hotvampireadjacent

batshit-auspol

Here's our most requested item: Bob Katter's same-sex marriage speech, in all its unhinged glory

Follow for more Batshit Moments in Australian politics!

rosepaya

#vegeboop is serving face here fym

minovskyy

becoming homophobic because when two characters in a scene have the same pronouns you have to say their names one william times

minovskyy

finally some good advice on this post

#the dypraxic woman leaned down and took the ingrown toenail woman's nipple in her mouth. ''mmm finally'' the forklift certified woman said

playthings2007

Completely lost all concepts of joke comprehension for a moment because my instinct was to register this as a new type of kitchencel

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ravioliet

never kill yourself. you have to fill your mutuals dash with shit they don't care about forever, okay?

no-sharks-on-the-sun

they killed him for this

kvothes

went into a wine shop the other day to buy pasta and they did not have pasta but they were doing a wine tasting so i thought what the hell. and got to chatting with the other woman there because we had both just come from the library and were comparing our books and sipping wine and turns out we’re both teachers so we got on the topic of phones in classrooms—and the guy pouring our wine was like ‘that’s actually a point of contention in one of my divorces right now.’

and i very delicately said ‘one of your divorces?’ and his eyes got really big and he said I’M A PARALEGAL

thepromiscuousfinger

dogpuppy

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adhdwerewolfgf

mr sandman

man me a sand

thesylverlining

Make it the cutest man car door hook hand

adhdwerewolfgf

i cannot begin to explain the emotions i feel every day knowing that this post i made in the middle of playing tf2 when i was 16 is going to be the one thing of mine that has made the largest impact on the world by a fucking mile

misspiggyforvogueitalia

like jesus on the cross

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