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@accidentalkilljoys

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Everyone sees a post-retirement Shane meltdown coming a mile away unless they find something to fill the hockey shaped hole in his brain, and someone casually throws out Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Shane figures well why not, can’t hurt to go to one class and see how it feels
He goes in and immediately, day one, gets his ass absolutely handed to him. Slammed to the ground, choked out, beat to shit, no rest no mercy the entire time and he LOVES it. Getting pushed and tested, needing to figure out strategy, fully working his muscles and getting thrown around. He comes home bruised and sore and can’t wait to go back
Ilya isn’t super sure at first about his husband getting recreationally beat up, especially after going to a practice early on and getting nauseous from watching people choking Shane and purposely putting him in so much pain he’s forced to tap out. The spouse of another person at the gym says to wait a few months before trying to watch again
But after a while he starts regularly hearing Shane laughing and Anya happy barking from other parts of the house, and walking in to find the two playfully wrestling around. Or when they watch the Pike kids they all want turns to get flipped around and wrestled by uncle Shane
And then of course one day Shane texts Ilya saying he wants Ilya to help him learn a triangle submission, and he adds a winky face and Ilya is just ??? Ok? I guess? But then he looks one up and well. That sure. Uh. That sure would be his husbands big strong sweaty thighs locked around his head and you know maybe he shouldn’t be too hasty to judge this hobby
Very soon Ilya is looking up moves for them to “practice” and he starts to see the appeal of his big strong husband being able to manhandle him and also anyone else. When he finally goes to watch another practice he sees Shane taking down guys six inches taller and fifty pounds heavier with ease and no actually so sorry they can’t go out to eat with everyone afterwards he needs to get his hot sweaty husband home immediately
The hockey world struggles to hide how pissed they are the first time Shane wins a tournament because of course he can’t retire normally and had to go and become the best at something else, specifically something that means he could beat the shit out of any of them if he wanted
OP you left out the best one
They should invent a cry for help that has zero negative effects on anybody and also that makes everyone treat you like a little animal in a cardboard box. But everyone’s cool with it because you’re a cute little animal and not an adult human that needs to get their shit together to stay alive
Maybe the most damming thing about Nolans odyssey is i haven’t seen a single gifset from it

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you know those studies showing that cursing helps with pain tolerance or whatever. that’s how i feel about making my weird little noises to get through my basic daily activities. sometimes you just have to go hggblaaaah for a minute so you can find the strength within yourself to get up or wash the dishes or send an email. mmmnneh. urgh. the torments are unending but you can always make some little sounds about it.
real paramedic x golden retriever firefighter AU energy with this
My friend (who I introduced gcest to against her will) told me one of her group chats started talking about oasis and she said "oh all I know about them is wonderwall and the incest allegations" and the first reply was "they have A LOT of great songs besides wonderwall"
Absolutely hilarious. The elephant remains unaddressed.
the only fic i've ever seen that thoughtfully incorporated elements of real life dog sex into omegaverse was hockey rpf but they were breeding hockey players to produce more hockey players and they were the only ones who did this. people who weren't hockey players just had human sex
lots going on here that I really don't feel qualified to comment on but thank you for sharing it with me. enriching to know this is occurring out there somewhere. baruch hashem who makes the creatures different
I really and genuinely need season 2 to have more sex because the amount of people who think that the sex should stop or slow down now that there’s emotional intimacy is staggering.
Once you’re in a fully committed relationship with someone you love and want to have sex with, the intimacy and trust only makes you into bigger freaks btw.
Anyway, HR foley artist, I’m expecting more wet thrusting sounds from you. I don’t care if you have to slap all the roasted hams in Canada to do it.

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obviously we have the montage of shane getting ready so we know yuna wasn't in his room with him before the first hookup, but i am laughing about the idea of shane stressed as FUCK trying to get his mom out of the room after she stopped by to go over a new brand deal with him.
watching the clock and SWEATING because he doesn't have rozanov's number atp obviously so he can't text "HEY MY MOM IS HERE. CANCEL IT. CANCEL IT ALL. DO NOT COME UP HERE.", but yuna can read that Something is up with shane, so she's even less likely to want to leave him, so she's actually stretching this out LONGER trying to figure out if shane is just really nervous about this new brand or something and honey, did someone say something today? do i need to kill someone?
and shane is pulling out EVERY ounce of deception he has never consciously had to use on his mom before to just get her OUT. he doesn't even have time to fuck around with his outfit because he needs her to GO. in a moment of ABSOLUTE fucking desperation he says he feels sick and retreats to the bathroom and pours some water in the toilet so it sounds like he's puking, but he WAY overshot this one because now no WAY is she leaving.
which means ilya still knocks on the door.
and it's YUNA who answers.
ilya's whole body takes a screenshot.
and shane in the bathroom atp heard the door open, so he almost hits himself in the face with the bathroom door trying to get out and do...
what, exactly?
so they're now in this WILD three way standoff, and yuna is being polite about it but is clearly 'what the FUCK are you doing here?' and shane genuinely for a moment thinks his mom is about to find out that he was not only about to have sex, but he was about to have GAY SEX.
nope.
"sorry, i forgot i asked if he wanted to come up later and watch the game"
"what game is on tonight?"
*shane aol dial-up noises*
ilya jumping in because oops guess this is a group project now, taking a WILD swing in the dark based on something that was on a tv in a bar he snuck into a couple of weeks ago: "uh, cars. car racing."
"you two are going to watch...nascar?"
ilya, has never heard the word nascar in his life: "yes. sounds very interesting. i love...nascars."
yuna ends up leaving the room so they can...watch?? nascar???....but also shane has never been less turned on in his fucking LIFE.
they actually do end up talking because now shane is paranoid his mom is going to be in the hall watching and waiting to catch him in a lie, and the more nervous he gets about it, the more lowkey ilya is worrying about it, too, so they do actually end up spending a chunk of time together.
and it actually?? ends with them talking to each other?? and finding out they actually LIKE talking to each other???
If you could have one of these for the rest of your life, which would it be?
Chauffeur
Private chef
Housekeeper
Live-in Nanny
Personal Stylist/MUA
Fitness coach/trainer
If you could have one of these for the rest of your life, which would it be?
Chauffeur
Private chef
Housekeeper
Live-in Nanny
Personal Stylist/MUA*
Fitness coach/trainer
* make up artist
this could not hit harder if it tried
People on Tumblr love sharing information about themselves no matter how asinine it is. And I'm the same way. Everybody tell me what the last thing you drank was.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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anytime a fic mentions a dom getting gatorade for their sub after a scene I have to stop and look up whether this is a flagrant violation of their sponsorship agreement with biosteel
nasa is using a 3D world graphic for the solar eclipse thingy today where germany is still devided in east and west adjfglkafdhgadfg. buddies, it's been almost 40 years.
So I showed this to a physicist and they were like "Oh! Yes! It's a figure from Fred Espenak's very old paper where he did a bunch of eclipse graphics! I've been looking at these my entire internet life, basically, for every solar eclipse! They called him Mr. Eclipse. He just passed away recently 🥺"
Anyway apparently Mr. Eclipse made 5000 years' worth of solar eclipse graphics, which you can find the simpler versions of here
So now instead of laughing at NASA for their outdated graphics I'm emotional about Mr. Eclipse and his hard work
Where else would I learn about this? Very exciting intersection of 🇩🇪 geopolitical history, news coverage of astronomical phenomena, academic rigor and strangers sharing friends’ poignant memories of late colleagues?
I can never leave here.