Ah shit, here we go again

don’t take my defeatism too seriously I will always begin again and again no matter what

should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

i' m something of a pigeons and rats myself

Shout-out to all the monsterfucker 'fic authors who make a point of giving the monster a specific body part which is not a penis but is – inexplicably – nonetheless erogenously receptive to being jerked off so that they can write handjob scenes which technically aren't explicit.

I wish Mythbusters was still around so we could see them fuck up a Cybertruck

No YOU'RE cooked. I'm caramelized

you actually don't have to go on dating apps to find girlfriends. many beautiful women are waiting for you on rocks out at sea

ⓘ This user is a malicious entity made of seafoam.

Out of my way, bothersome footnote, I'm about to get it

[ID: A stock photo of someone with short brown hair lying down on a couch and holding a bucket of popcorn, with a smug/intrigued expression on their face. /End ID]

Having to listen to Lana Del Rey in your gay friends’ cars and pretend it doesn’t sound like an old man trying to read a poem on his deathbed

Gatekeeping is so good and important

What's she saying in the photo

official boob post

shlap shlap shlap shlap (sound of my titties hitting the bars in my minecraft jail )  let me out! let me outtttt!

don't want to write I want to think very hard about my fic until it emerges from my head fully formed like athena