Fuck recovery I’m relapsing o can’t take this ducking body anymore. I weigh more then I ever did

Growing up very very poor has made me have a really weird relationship with money now. I feel like If I can’t justify a practical reason to have thing I want to spend money on I can’t get it because it’s a waste and what if I need this money later on, and if I do just go ahead and get something that I want, like a game or something dumb from a store like stickers I feel so much guilt doing so even though I work for my own spending money and don’t have any bills to worry about. Like there are times I feel guilty about buying groceries even though they’re a necessity to life.

I open up about how I’ve never been able to cry so as I grew older it turned into me being unable to cry and I finally have gotten myself to the point j felt comfortable again and you’ve ruined it.

I don’t feel like you love me anymore and it’s scaring me

I’ve never had stretch marks before and suddenly I’m getting quite a few and I’m really not liking it

I love when my friends and I just have like 5 different conversations in one long message with just spaces in between, It makes me really happy for some reason

I feel like I have no control in my life anymore and I feel like committing not alive is a better option every day

Viktor has become such a comfort character to me since I watched arcane, as someone who uses mobility aids and has a chronic illness I see a lot of myself in him and I’ve just latched myself onto him

I am actively unfollowing thinspo accts, please don’t take it personally in just in recovery and trying to get better

I got the covid shot today and got my arm is not enjoying it

I miss my friends, I miss them, oh god I miss them. I thought I was over this but I can’t. It hits me randomly just how much I do and it’s getting too much to take. I can’t keep holding in my emotions like this. I want to scream. Take me back to 2019 please. Or even 2016 let me relive my young teen years, please I can’t take this stress I want to go back

A problem about losing friends that I don’t see a lot of people talking about is when you go to listen to music that you heavily associate with memory’s of them, it just makes you really sad or angry while listening to it. So many songs have been ruined for me because of this.