When we did we were right

*gets back to the nest* baby you are NEVER gonna believe how i got this fish

my dad was outside feeding the slugs cucumber slices earlier

he was like ‘thats the same one from last night!’ (he was feeding the slugs cucumber slices last night too) im like man you’ve been spending too much time with the neighbourhood slugs if you can tell them apart

Friendship comes in many forms. Don’t get in the way of a man and his friendly slug friends

you’re right sorry dad for my crimes

This made me laugh cus it’s actually really accurate. Like one time he called me downstairs to see the ‘cutest thing ever’ and it was three slugs of varying sizes eating cat food and he said ‘they are a family!! Just like us!!’

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"