bpd blogging

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy#Philosophical_roots

What are cognitive distortions?

Cognitive distortions are unhelpful, damaging, irrational thoughts that may often be repeated in your head. They distort your reality and make decision making, judgement, and emotional regulation much harder. 

What kinds of cognitive distortions are there?

There are several forms of cognitive distortions that are common. Primary examples are:

All-Or-Nothing Thinking: This is black and white thinking. An example of this could be that you can either be loved or hated only, with no in between or gray area.

Overgeneralization: Assuming a negative event to be a never-ending pattern. An example of this could be believing that because of a few few bad experiences with people working checkout all people that work checkout are bad.

Mental Filter: Focusing on a single negative detail and ignoring all positive aspects. An example of this could be assuming your friend is actually a terrible person over one disagreement, despite years kindness and compassion towards you. 

Disqualifying the Positive: Rejecting positive experiences and insisting they either do not count or can be explained by other things that aren’t positive. An example could be rejecting all the positives that have happened in your day to focus on the few negative things that have happened.

Jumping to Conclusions: Making an assumption based on your own interpretation of someone’s behavior. An example of this could be assuming a friend is angry with you and ignoring you because they haven’t replied to your messages right away. 

Magnification and Minimization: Exaggerating the severity of mistakes or problems; or dismissing the significance of accomplishments. Examples of this could include discounting all your hard work because you’ve made one mistake and believing you are terrible because of this; or receiving frequent praise for hard work and dismissing that and believing that your accomplishments aren’t actually that great. 

Emotional Reasoning: Assuming that your emotions always reflect reality. An example of this could be that because you are angry at someone in an argument that you are correct. 

Should, Ought, Must: Scolding yourself for not improving right away. Examples of this could be believing you should already know something, you must always behave in a certain way, etc. 

Labeling: Judging others or yourself with labels, limiting your beliefs around others/yourself. Examples of this could be assuming someone is a liar or believing you are a loser. 

Personalization: Blaming yourself inappropriately for negative events that are out of your control. An example of this could be blaming yourself for abuse that’s happened to you. 

How can I challenge cognitive distortions?

To challenge these distortions, it’s important to ask questions and try to both understand why you believe this and why it is not true. Some questions that you may ask yourself are: 

Is this a fact, or is it an opinion? 

What evidence is there for this belief? What evidence is there against it? 

Is this belief always and invariably true? 

Does this belief promote your well-being, or is it harmful? 

What events caused me to believe this? 

Along with that, recite what works for you when disproving these distortions. Keep reminding yourself that it isn’t true, and try to have rational explanations behind it. Some ways to do that could be as follows (basing responses from the examples above):

All-Or-Nothing Thinking: There are many gray areas in life, and most people do not have strong feelings that are solely positive or solely negative. Many people will like and dislike several aspects of you. People can still love you despite disagreeing with something you’ve done.

Overgeneralization: Bad checkout employees do exist, however, it is not possible for every single checkout employee to be bad, and you’ve had many neutral or good experiences when checking out. 

Mental Filter: Your friendship with this individual is long-lasting and has proven to be a good friendship. Friends fight sometimes, and a few arguments will not ruin the friendship.

Disqualifying the Positive: Good and bad things happen every day, and it’s impossible to have a day where only bad things have happened. Including positive aspects of your day is important. 

Jumping to Conclusions: People take longer times to reply all the time, whether it be that they aren’t sure what to say yet or they’ve stepped away from their device. 

Magnification and Minimization: Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s not the end of the world when it happens. You can still make progress and improve despite minor setbacks. 

Emotional Reasoning: Emotions are not inherently founded in facts. It’s important to listen to others rather than judging everything based off of your emotions. 

Should, Ought, Must: It’s unhelpful to try to improve yourself by shaming yourself for not having done it sooner. Instead of labeling things with “I should already know this”, recognize that you didn’t know it before, but now you do. 

Labeling: No one is a single label, and everyone exists with positive and negative traits. No one is inherently always a liar and no one is always a loser. 

Personalization: Other’s actions are not in your control. The only person you are in control of is yourself. 

If you’re super happy, it can turn into super sad very easily, because your emotions are already highly elevated and it’s only a very minor shift as far as your brain is concerned.

Knowing this can help you fight it, and it can help you be more aware of what’s going on while you’re happy and help avoid shifting towards misery.

I get asked for advice ( a lot) about love and growing up etc. Post anything you want to tell the kids here.

My random advice:

Don’t sign no lease with your significant other. Don’t let them get mail sent to your house either

Always use two forms of birth control

Spend more time with your grandparents. Seriously, they will leave this earth sooner than you will be able to prepare for

If you can afford it, go to therapy. Being grown is hard. Life’s changes take its toll. If you can’t afford therapy Google income based therapy/counceling. Most cities do have services for you.

If you lose your job temp agencies are your friends. Apply to them all. Follow up with a phone call after submitting your resume. Officeteam.com saved my life

Use a schedule and break down your projects. I cannot stress this enough.

If you have extra time get started on an assignment as early as you can.

If you can help you it, please pay your bills on time. You know they’re coming.

Don’t plagiarize your papers!!!! You can get kicked out of school (some places you can’t even attend another school in that state.)

Keep a diary/journal. It’s not just for little kids.

Do things that make you feel good. Eat the ice cream, watch two hours of your favorite show, buy that face mask.

Lots of things can be solved with a nap.

Seriously, don’t be like me. There’s no reward or prizes when you constantly sacrifice yourself. Don’t expect it to be reciprocated when you /do/.

Sometimes you will want to just help someone & that’s enough. Sometimes you just want to make someone else smile & that warms you. Learn to recognize when you’re wanting to do just to do…& when you’re doing because you want them to treat you a certain way.

Learn the difference between fear & caution. Take some risks if you’re comfortable. Don’t try to imagine every thing that can go wrong. Don’t overthink. Don’t always seek the opinion of others to solidify your own.

Learn to trust yourself. Even if you’re wrong sometimes, you’ll still do right by yourself.

Be utterly ridiculous at least once a day.

2. When you see a red flag, even if you can’t understand why at the time, trust your gut. 

3. Travel. It doesn’t have to be across the world, but get out of your comfort zone and grow. 

If you ever start to feel bad in a relationship, sit down and think hard about it. Are you happy as long as you’re with them and distracted? Do you feel dread when your phone rings and do you get anxious when you see it’s them? These are signs something is wrong.

Don’t date a guy who buys you cheap shit and never takes you anywhere, but then turns around and buys himself expensive stuff and is always going on nice vacations (without you).

Demand that your doctors LISTEN to you and don’t let them brush you off. Don’t be quiet or try to be a ‘good patient’ if you’re sick or hurting and it’s something they can’t find. Conversely if you feel like your doctor doesn’t care or listen to you, get a new one ASAP, because the longer you wait, the more averse you might become to going g the doctor at all. :(

Ask yourself, when you are spending tme with people because you feel like you have to, if you could be doing something better with your time. Even if it’s sitting and watching a movie by yourself or something. Don’t feel like you have to stay friends with people who don’t make you feel great.

Invest your money into something that you enjoy that generates extra income.

Save for a rainy day!!!!

I moved out at 18 and due to bad spending habits and procrastination I had tons of debt and it took me until 28 to get my finances together.

Please educate yourself on how to save/invest. Come up with a game plan…implement it and don’t move out until you are absolutely ready.

DONT GET YOUR BF/GF NAME TATTOOED ON YOU!

But living on your own costs way more money than you can anticipate. expensive as hell.

I’ve said it before if you are determined to go start buying small stuff for your place as soon as you decide too.

Explore different classes you would normally not take in college as extra curriculars like Cultural Communications, P.E., Womens History, Black History, Government.. Things that might not pertain to your major.

Actually EVERYONE should take cultural comm.

ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM/ make him wear one.

Having kids with someone is more serious than marriage.. You can get out of a marriage.

Starting your own business? No support/hardly any? FUCK EM! Don’t give up! You are capable of success, keep going!!!

READ the contract, even if you need to take it home and review it before giving someone your decision, and if that’s a problem with them that’s a red flag that you probably wouldn’t want to sign it anyway.

You gotta start somewhere, allow yourself to be a beginner.

Stop spending so much fucking money on clothes.

Reality TV is turning your brain to mush.

Literally WHO cares if you’re wearing make up or not? Got the time? Cool? Don’t? Whatever!

daylio (available on google play and app store for free) - “Pick your mood and add activities you have been doing during the day. You can also add notes and keep an old school diary.” 

calm harm (available on google play and app store for free) - “Calm Harm provides tasks to help you resist or manage the urge to self-harm.”

impulse DBT (available on google play and app store for free) - “Impulse DBT is an invaluable tool for those who need to keep track of daily impulses for Dialectical Behavior Therapy.”

7 cups of tea (available on google play and app store for free) - “Whether you are going through a challenging time or just want to talk to someone, at 7 Cups you’ll find a path connecting you to kind people and helping you develop new skills to solve your problems. Over 16 million conversations.”

what’s up - mental health app (available on google play and app store for free) - “What’s Up? is a fantastic free app utilising some of the best CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) methods to help you cope with Depression, Anxiety, Anger, Stress and more.”

pacifica (available on google play and app store for free) - “Pacifica gives you psychologist-designed tools to address them based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, mindfulness meditation, relaxation, and mood/health tracking.” 

Emergencies:

What to do when your friend is talking about suicide

What to do if someone you know is overdosing

What to do if your friend is hurting themselves

First Aid for self harm

Finding Therapy, Doctors, & Medication 

NeedyMeds.org

Something Fishy - How will I pay?

Mental Health America - How do I find treatment?

Free/Cheap Medication

The Medicine Program

Find a Therapist

Good Therapy.org

Insurance Issues

Qualities and Skills of a Good Counselor

The Difference Between a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Therapist & Counselor 

General Recovery:

Extreme Hunger During Recovery

About Water Retention During Recovery

281 Reasons to Recover

Relapse Prevention

Dealing with Bloating in Recovery

Bloating, Indigestion, & Feeling too full

Talking to Others About Your Mental Health Issues

Managing Stress

Why You Must Eat

What is ED Recovery?

You have no obligation to be weighed

Learning to Love Your Body

True Facts Our Abuse-Culture Doesn’t Want You to Know

Tips to Overcoming and Eating Disorder from Women Who Have Recovered

How to Eat a Fear Food

16 Baby Steps to Help You Cope with the Pain of Perfectionism

10 Things to Do When You Feel Like Crap

Why You Should NOT Self-Diagnose

Substance Addictions:

Find an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting

About AA

Find a Narcotics Anonymous meeting

About NA

Just for Today

Helpguide: Overcoming Drug Addiction

FInd a detox center

Restrictive Eating Disorders:

Phases of Recovery From a Restrictive ED

Tips to Stop Restricting

Why You Must Regain Weight to Recover

Eating Disorder Support Groups

Gaining Weight After Anorexia: What To Expect

Dealing With Weight Gain

Binge & Compensate Disorders:

Overeaters Anonymous Meeting Finder

Coping with Exercise Addiction

10 Steps to Bulimia Recovery Workbook

10 Signs of Overexercise

Why Laxatives and Enemas Are Dangerous

Eating Disorder Support Groups

Binge ED/Compulsive Eating Disorders

Food Addicts Anonymous Meeting Finder

Overeaters Anonymous Meeting Finder

The “I need to lose weight” Mindset with BED

Eating Disorder Support Groups

Daily Meditation for Compulsive Overeating/Binge Eating

General Anxiety:

Identifying and Managing Anxiety

Exploring and Coping with Panic Attacks

10 Rules for Coping with Anxiety and Panic

Deep Breathing Exercises

11 Assorted Anxiety Tips for Anxiety Sufferers

Social Phobia/Anxiety

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Social Anxiety Self Help

How to Bring Severe Social Anxiety Under Control

10 Tips for Finding Love and Dating With Social Anxiety

Depression:

Coping with Suicidal Thought

10 Tips on How to Work Through Feelings of Social Isolation

8 Tips to Overcome Loneliness

Tips On Dealing With Depression In College

Antidepressants: Selecting one that’s right for you

What to expect with antidepressants

Family and Friends:

Tips for dealing with an ill loved one

Helping someone with an eating disorder

10 Ways to Cope with an Addict in the Family

Acting on your emotion is effective if your feelings fit the facts, and only to the level of which they’re justified. When your emotions don’t fit the facts, or when acting on your emotion won’t be effective, it’s time to act opposite to the emotion. This will help you to change painful emotions.

To describe opposite to emotion action, I like to think of a swimming pool in the summer. The water may be freezing cold, but it’s common knowledge that jumping in any way will help your body adjust to the temperature. If you decide not to jump in, you’ll be forced to sit outside the pool and miss out on the fun of swimming.

How to apply Opposite Emotion:

Use mindfulness skills to observe and describe your current emotion.

Ask yourself if the emotion is justified or not. Does it fit the facts?

Don’t suppress your emotion. It’ll only increase suffering in the end. The emotion isn’t the problem; the intensity of it/your possible urges are. 

If your emotion and/or it’s intensity doesn’t fit the facts or isn’t effective, do opposite to emotion action. If it does, turn to the problem-solving skill instead.

Go all the way with opposite to emotion action. Don’t half-ass the skill or it won’t be as effective. This is likely to feel uncomfortable at first and that’s okay. Think back to the swimming pool example. If you were to only stick one foot in, chances are you’ll be colder than you would be if you just jumped. If you jump, you may be cold for a good minute or two, but it’ll fade and eventually you’ll be able to enjoy your swim.

Each emotion has a typical response:

Fear → Run/Avoid

Anger → Attack

Sadness/Depression → Withdraw/Isolate

Guilt/Shame → Hide

Each emotion also has opposite action:

Fear → Do what you’re scared of over and over until it’s no longer scary. Do things that make you feel in control of what you’re afraid of. Build mastery of the task. If overwhelmed, make a list of small steps in the direction of your goal. Do one thing at a time. Do each step all the way.

Anger → Gently avoid the person you’re upset with (”I need some time alone,” not the silent treatment). When away from them, don’t think about why you’re angry. Distract yourself. Do something nice for them. Find sympathy/empathy for the other person rather than blame or fault. Play devil’s advocate and write a letter in the other person’s defense.

Sadness or Depression → Get active. Do things that make you feel capable and worthwhile. Build mastery. Continue doing things that make you happy, even if they don’t work right away. Watch funny shows, listen to upbeat music, take a shower, contribute, etc.

Guilt or Shame → If justified: Make your behavior public to those affected. Make a repair. Apologize and offer to make things better, committing to not repeat the mistake. Accept consequences, let go, and move on. If not justified: Do what makes you feel ashamed or guilty repeatedly until you no longer feel that way. Don’t avoid the action.