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"It is twenty years,” mourned the voice; “twenty years. I’ve been a waif for twenty years!”
I listened again—nothing but a gush of wind through the lattice: “Let me in—let me in!”
“Who are you?” I asked, struggling meanwhile to disengage myself.
“Catherine Linton,” it replied, shiveringly. “I’m come home: I’d lost my way on the moor!”
— Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights, 1847
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Un diagnóstico
que dibuja dolores difíciles,
desencadena deseos desesperados,
despierta demonios dormidos.
sketched the lefthand side late last night while i was sleepy and buzzed after i got home from a first date that i think (hope) went well. 😈
righthand side... welp. i've been having a lot of Feelings™️.... tl;dr is i have to surrender my degus to a shelter (don't come at me, it's for legit legit fucked up life-situation reasons that are neither my fault nor under my control but i still hate myself and blame myself for it) and filling out the paperwork is... a little rough, to say the least. ughhhhhhhfhhfghghhhh
i just... don't want to let go of my babygirl Deanna and as someone with HELLAAAA abandonment issues myself (HELLO BORDERLINE), i am reallyyyyy struggling with being the abandoner.
ANYHOW UHHH...!! these pencils are a dream to sketch with. in case you can't tell, they're double-pointed, half-red, half-black.
Sometimes bpd is like wow I can’t fucking believe I’ve made it this far in life I’m obviously superhuman!!! Untouched by the dystopian hell that has driven others to madness!!! Clearly invincible!!!! Mental illness has nothing on me!!! And then you accidentally drop something on the floor and conclude that you should actually be exiled from the planet and yeeted into to sun for being the dumbest most disgraceful useless fuck-up ever to darken this universe with its existence
Someone: *slights me in a very minor way* Me: *thinks of the most hellacious, out of pocket insult that is very specific to them and would hurt them in ways words cannot describe but does not say it bc I am nice..*
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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all i do is be stupid and then cry about it.
Everyone you ever knew who told you that they would keep you safe-- if you behaved-- was already hurting you. - Brennan Lee Mulligan, from Dimension 20: Neverafter
another Neverafter quote that hit HARD for me. i had to rewind several times. it was so extremely affirming to hear this right as i was escaping my abuser. he had full control of me, gaslit me into believing i needed him for everything. he had me convinced that i was completely inept and unable to do basic tasks without him.
i was constantly under surveillance... literally. he installed security cameras in the house and a Ring doorbell that he set up with facial recognition, and it sent him push alerts whenever anyone approached the door. he installed a security system that was always armed, with unique PIN codes for each of us, also with push alerts on, so he knew every time i left and returned to the house. he made me constantly share my location with him on my phone, smart watch, and Apple AirTag on my keys (he was so pissed when i stopped sharing it after he kicked me out of the house). he engaged in reactive abuse/DARVO all the time, shifting the goalposts and turning the tables, accusing me of being the true abuser. he actually had me convinced i was a horrible person. he left me completely dysregulated . he'd set it up so that there was no way for me to win.
but guess what? once i got away from him, time passed and i was surrounded by my support network, i realized just how tight of a leash i'd been on for those nine and a half years of my life, and all that "bad" behavior that he provoked and accused me of stopped. i'm lucky i fucking survived. literally.
