tips for running away from home, from someone who did that:
don’t tell your abusers what you’re up to; they will put their energy into sabotaging you, for example, I was fairly clear about intending to move out, and my parents took great effort to convince me that it’s absolutely impossible for me to survive on my own, tried to take away my money by any means necessary, even getting me to sign a contract with a bank so i wouldn’t be able to access my money in there (luckily i didn’t put any of my money there to that scheme failed), and in the end they tried to convince me that any money i made freelancing will be stolen before i ever see it, and tried to prove that the money doesn’t even exist. it didn’t stop me but sure made me a lot more miserable than i should have been
don’t let your abusers know where you are, they will try to get to you; i ran away after an extreme violent outburst my parents threw at me, there was death threats, injuries, broken mobile phone i tried to use to film the violence, door taken away from my room, it was enough for anyone to get the hell away from a place, and when my mother found out my first hiding location she came to tell me that i have to think about why all of that was my fault. again, making me a lot more miserable than i should have been.
first few days (weeks) you’ll be in state of a shock, especially if you’ve been unsure if you’ll be able to get away; i couldn’t determine if i could function at all after escaping, my head was spinning, i had breakdowns every other day convinced that i’m about to die, it was due to the heavy brainwashing that made me believe that i was dead if i were to run away, there was no way to escape the fear and the torture of it, I hope not everyone is brainwashed this way but I do see a lot of people doubting if they have what it takes to go thru life without parents, and the answer is yes you do, you got it all.
your abusers will react in the way that will hurt you most; i know of some parents who aimed to injure their run away kid by pretending they could live just fine without them, like the child was a nuisance to their life and they were better without it, and in that case it was the most hurtful and cruel thing they could have done, since the child slaved their life away for the sake of acknowledgment and attention from parents. In my situation however, my parents kept acting their entire life like i was a huge burden and worthless waste of space, and it made me feel like if I were to run away they would let me be and pretend I never existed, and I would be free. However I was wrong. They contacted my friends, parents of my friends, entire outer family circle and anyone they knew to be in contact with me to make me feel guilty for leaving and tell me i was wrong and should come back, they found the person who sheltered me and convinced even them to tell me to return (this was the person who saw me after the violent attack, while i was shaking and out of my mind with fear, they saw me hide under the bed constantly convinced i was about to be killed, and this person was still convinced by my parents that i should go. back. to that.), they made their friends add me on facebook and request information about my whereabouts until i had a panic attack and deleted facebook, they kept on finding means to contact me and storm me with guilt and shame even after i cut every means of contact i knew, they still sometimes barge into the house of my friend demanding to get in contact with me, demanding that letters, food, even money be given to me that they leave there (it took me a while to figure out they would never ever give me money for the sake of my survival, but would absolutely use money to control and sabotage me) - all you can do is in any case, to be ready for the worst. Be ready for whatever you fear the most they would do - because they will do that. Make plans of resistance, plans of keeping yourself safe thru it, plans of retreat and safety if what they do makes you suicidal.
when you’re free, the trauma symptoms will go berserk at first; your entire system is experiencing protection from abuse for the first time (protection is abusers not knowing where you are or how to get to you), and this means you’ll finally be free to actually feel all the fear, panic, pain, anger, exhaustion, torture and everything else your body has been holding in all this time for the sake of surviving with abusers around. After I settled in my hiding place, I could barely get up for 8 months, panic attacks were almost daily, i couldn’t sleep from how strongly i felt i was about to be killed and punished for escaping, flashbacks and nightmares wouldn’t stop, chronic exhaustion and chronic pain were so bad I could barely move, it was draining my life energy just to make food for myself, and i could often not leave the place and go outside at all, and would get anxiety attacks around any kind of people. Only tip I have is to not feel guilty for resting. Don’t feel guilty for taking your time to recover, you need it, what is happening to you at this moment is recovery from a war, that lasted all of your life. You are wounded and tortured and you need rehabilitation and as much rest as you can get. I know it doesn’t feel good to just lie about and not get anything done, I know the guilt of not being productive, but lying down for almost a year made me feel shameless about resting and taking my time. It also helped me realize that causes of my chronic pain and chronic exhaustion were all the things i was forced to do against my will, basically anything abusers forced me to do, anything school related, and anything i was doing for well being of others and not myself. Resting allowed my natural will to do things to awaken, even though it took long, I now don’t have to force myself to move anymore, i can get up without thinking about it, doing things i want to do makes me more energetic rather than exhausted. So, no more doing things against your will, for anyone.
you will slowly find out just how much your abusers lied to you about the world. and trust me they lied to you a whole fucking lot. you will find out all the threats they made were empty, all their opinions and insults sent at you baseless and imaginary, all the doubts they planted into your mind, will start sounding ridiculous and stupid. A lot of abusers try to make their children incapable of making their own choices and fighting their battles and gathering knowledge about the world, so they would always feel like they can’t do anything on their own, and would turn to their parents for guidance, however, abusive parents while making choices and guidances for you, only thought about themselves and whatever is convenient for them, and not for you, which by default, makes you the person capable of making better choices, because for the first time, choices would be made for you, by you. Control over your life will feel good once you realize it’s not hard or scary, but gives you the power to do what you please, without having to respond to anyone.
there will always be people who will try to make you doubt your decision and blame you and take your abuser’s side, those people are wrong, and they are your enemies. From this point on, anyone who tries to make you doubt your decision to save your life is an enemy. Nobody should ever try to make you doubt if you could have done anything else but pick yourself up and save yourself from abusive environment. You can absolutely decide that those people are scum who would have you dead for their convenience, and turn your back on them.
I don’t have any financial advice, because i only ran away after earning enough money to not end up homeless, and I just did it by freelancing over the internet, which is something my abusers didn’t expect me to be capable of, so they failed to sabotage me on time, they however did make sure to throw abuse my way every time i was doing good and achieving something, but i stubbornly kept working until it got me out.
Conclusion: running away is fucking hard, you lose your family, in some cases all of your relatives as well, you lose your heritage more often than not, your use your security and backup in life, your life just ceases to be what it was and turns into something completely new. You gain: yourself, your freedom, your life, your sanity, your health, your personhood, a chance to heal and recover, a chance to experience life as it should have been. Absolutely. Worth It.
