what

you know how that first morning at the cottage ("i like you" / "i like you too") ilya's kind of half asleep and then after they talk shane cuddles in again and ilya pulls him close....i think ilya fell back asleep but shane didn't and after cuddling for a lil while he carefully got out of bed to go take a piss and start on breakfast. and then ilya woke up to the smell of bacon (BACON!! SHANE HOLLANDER COOKING BACON!! FOR ILYA!!) and he practically floated into the kitchen wanting to wrap his arms around shane and start their first morning together and then-

I need you guys to walk with me and understand that Ilya and Shane's first fuck as a married couple takes place on the edge of Ilya's bed ("Our bed, Hollander, our marital bed--" "Jesus fucking Christ Ilya--") while Usher Yeah! plays at bone-melting volume from the backyard and guys from three different hockey teams yell the lyrics even louder. Shane realizes that Ilya is inadvertently thrusting to the beat and for one very brilliant second it is the hottest thing ever. The mood is genuinely almost ruined when the song switches to Sweet Caroline. Harris should never be allowed to DJ again.