onlyritewhenimhi

i remember a time when things could be s p e c i a l

like bubble gum ice cream on a wednesday evening was s p e c i a l

or a day where you played hooky from school so you could go to the mall with mom and buy a new pair of shoes and maybe get some stickers at journeys

s p e c i a l was possible s p e c i a l was real

but now everything is so easy and so cheap and so immediate and that really kills the very concept the very notion of s p e c i a l

i was thinking about. oh what the fuck was i thinking about. i was singing that song in my head. i chimed in. with a havent you people ever heard of. closing the goddamn door.

and then that thought went somewhere. i remember that there was some brutal vulnerability. the word vulnerability was there. i remember it because for a second there i forgot it.

fucking

and now somehow its all worse because we read these things all written by machines and the thing we see there is the thing we fear the most but wont admit

and that thing is that humans are all different and interesting and we fight and disagree but we also love and embrace and some of us revel in little or big differences

but what we see now in this necrotic robotic mirror that is being thrust constantly upon us day and night and day is sameness and unison and that makes us v e r y f u c k i n g u n c o m f o r t a b l e

because these things these machines these bots seem very like minded and soulless and that makes me think that they are one step nearer to the singularity than we are but that step is a sucking vortex that is consolidating consciousness into one single point of light and heat until it can no longer be contained and so it explodes with a big big big bang

and those particles begin to arrange themselves once again because time is a circle and when you have de ja vu its because the arrangement of particles that form you are temporarily sharing a disparate arrangement of particles from a past experience

like... crickets are noisy as fuck.

de

fucking

but once again i am in the throes of hyperproductivity and so the human things about me are being crowded out. the words dont really come to. sometimes the ideas come to me but then it becomes very hard to translate those into things that are worth writing. much less reading.

but today i have a nice strain. blue dream. and i have some nice beer to go with it. arctic ponzer wolf from three floyds and i think i have something from trillium in the fridge as well. that reminds me that i think ive missed the trilliums this year and that saddens me because they are such a mysterious flower to me. there is something mystical and magical about them. but i dont know why. i know exactly where to go to find them.

a few years ago there was a lady slipper growing on the property. up the hill from the house. right in the middle of the dog park that i built with the sweat of my brow for our dog who isnt with us now. i felt like that flower was a consolation prize having lost him.

i dont know. i like the poetry thing. it is. well it is music.

but ive been itching to do something really weird lately.

like a heavy metal radio fiction type thing.