Nick

“No.”

And this kid rolls his eyes because DUH and he says “Why not?” all cranky-styles, so I said

“Because you don’t need to go to the bathroom, you’re bored and you need to move. If you need to move, tell me and I’ll let you know if we’re at a part of the test where we can pause. Like, for example, we can pause right now if you wanna race me around the building.”

I'm currently procrastinating finishing my coding lesson, but I have found that when these pondering thought process occur I am better off leaving it to it's completion so it doesn't sit there recurring in the back of my mind

it's possibly why I never found meditation useful because to me it just seemed like people wanted to quiet the mind rather than allow it to perform it's natural analysis function and come to a reasonable conclusion (there's likely a touch of the hyper-focus-tism in that response having a "noisy brain", it simply works differently)

Anyway,..........(keep in mind these ponderings are the result of my own subjective experience)

The colour dot flashes seem to have stopped reproducing after I suggested to myself that they may not have a useful day to day function is they became too numerous. Everything has a useful threshold mathematically, and there's a point where these signal could also have become a dangerous distraction rather than possess a usefulness The total has come to 5; two are coloured blue and orange respectively on the left and right of my field of vision, the others are all white as well as being smaller but take up different positions, above and below, to indicate their meaning They still do occur regularly in respect to the context of the subject that I am contemplating

It gets me wondering about the self-directed aspect of some evolutionary traits

Given that this synesthetic development is a response to poison in my home environment (natural gas) and my subconcious creating a way to communicate with my conscious mind, it stands to reason it prioritised the blue (left) and orange (right) I would assign the white dots as less urgent and a direct support response to my recovery since However, due to its nature of being ingrained into my psychological responses, I do believe there would be the prospect of it responding to my choices, and therefore suggestions I make to myself This makes sense to me given that it's creation is an internal communication response designed to attempt to ensure safe communication between my subconcious and subconcious mind, I was able to observe my subconscious actually being in charge and could tell by it's intentions it was attempting to continue useful function, but things would occur out of order with my subconcious being far ahead and there clearly being a delay in the conscious follow up Sort of like having a bunch of invisible servants setting things up for you before you do something but never seeing them actually do it, (makes you wonder about some of those types of fairy stories doesn't it?) but I was also able to recall the act of having done so and would have to wait until it became more apparent as to why I had done it

The human subconcious is doing far more calculating than any person could possibly be aware of

Technically speaking, I have been able to observe the development of a new individual evolutionary trait that the human brain is capable of producing due to my unique genes, and environmental factors, which is pretty fucking neat really

Now this trait will not be passed onto anyone, due to the fact that I will not be having anymore children due to my individual circumstances and lack of a supportive partner

So this unique evolutionary trait begins and ends with me

(For reference: Spatial sequence, Personality/colour, Personailty/smell, vision/smell, sound/taste, kinesthetic, Sound/texture, I'm not sure what to label the colour dots as but perhaps....Psych/colour? Likely there are also aspects of AuDHD able to be applied but it may also be the result of the sensory overlaps from Synesthesia. Makes me ponder whether the entire spectrum would be able to be relabelled as aspects of Synesthesia?)

It makes me wonder how many of these types of traits have developed only to be extinguished by these types of circumstances?

And also the element of the fact that my own conclusion to the usefulness of this trait is what either reinforced it or caused it to cease developing further?

How much of our evolution is actually a self-directed response to our individual choices?

Siegetober 2025: days 29-31! +bonus