olliesnoot

i jack off all trades

Drops the box of 250 crickets I ordered and they all stack up forming the shape of a person and beat the shit out of me

terribly charmed by my sibling sending me a voice message that just said “i just always take ibuprofen at the wrong time. i had a headache all afternoon, from three to eight pm and then i took an ibuprofen half an hour before the headache went away! i could have just saved an ibuprofen!”

Good morning Mr. Jigsaw I noticed that this trap has a time limit of 60 minutes but as per my accommodations through the school Center of Disability Resources I get time and a half on exams and quizzes is that still something I can apply to this game right now? Thank you for understanding have a nice day

sometimes you dont eat fruit for awhile and then you eat some fruit and you're like oh fuck its fruit

Public transit be like your bus is due .....now! ........now! .....any second now.......okay now! Just kidding uhh..............now! Okay itll be 17 minutes ☺️ hope that helps. Aw shit we sent the invisible bus again

bed of rice sounds like the coziest place to be

^ wet phone mentality

Sitting my sparkly ass down and glistening

guy finds a beetle in his apartment and texts his roommate hey did you invite someone over