This

The guardian spirit of the land

The forbidden corndog

Honestly “thanks I hate it” is one of the funniest phrases in the English language

i one time told my italian professor “grazie lo detesto” and she lost her shit, so it’s not just english

“¡Gracias! ¡Lo odio!”

Tak, jeg hader det.

APPARENTLY MY MOMS BOYFRIEND HAD JURY DUTY WITH JOHN MULANEY AND WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM

imagine going to the jury and seeing him like i wouldn’t be able to keep it together emotionally i’d just be disqualified the plaintiff would be like “he stole my assets” and i’d be like I Have Fired The Criminal Catcher

John Mulaney Gives You The Death Sentence (ASMR)

Imagine being on trial and you look over at the jury and John Mulaney is just sitting there. How do you handle that, psychologically. How do you not conclude your life has turned into a piece of absurdist theatre

I hate this so much 😂

#this is the happiest video in existence #also the grass reminds me of the land before time grass that i wanted to eat as a kid 

@olumea

“I’m a *rustlerustlerustle* DOG! I’m a *rustlerustlerustle* DOG! I’m a *rustlerustlerustle* DOG!” 

If you fail to smile please unfollow me

omfg

slam me in that Showert Deluxe… get me an omniwash™

this is a carwash for people

I hear if you turn them all on at once you can use the water pressure to glitch past the boss room

You fucker

I can’t see him but I just feel his energy

I can feel the aura and I know exactly who it is you ass

This is 1000x more terrifying than any dream I will ever encounter.

This is what they saw in birdbox