oi

The man does not know from cheese. The man "ain't never seen no cheese but orange before" and "I showed ya list to the cheese lady so if it's wrong it's her fault ok?"

I am 80% sure she sent him there for a really specific bleu cheese, 40% sure he does not have the very specific bleu cheese, and 100% sure he's done with her shit.

Our flight is delayed.

Cheese man has been demanding payment because apparently he went like six hours out of his way and paid with his own money and between the cheese and price of gas, he is pretty sure he does not have enough money in his account for an Uber home.

The lady is FLABBERGASTED that he is demanding payment at all, as she was under the impression he was doing this for her out of the goodness of his heart.

"OR ELSE WHAT?"

"I'm gonna-? THE BABY SHOWER? MONICA CAN'T EVEN HAVE THIS CHEESE SHE'S PREGNANT!"

"The cheese lady asked if it was for someone because the mushrooms or whatever in the cheese are dangerous for the baby or something?? You wanna poison Monica?"

"WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?"

"YEAH OF COURSE I GOT THE CHEESE, THATS WHY I DON'T GOT MONEY FOR UBER!"

"YEAH, GO TELL! GO TELL MOMMA I STOPPED YOUR STUPID ASS FROM KILLING MONICA OR THE BABY! FUCK!"

*hangs up phone*

*head in hands, borderline hyperventilating*

The man in the three piece suit is in the chair next to him. He waits a moment, then reaches into his carryon and pulls out an entire bottle of wine with the TSA pre check sticker on it, and taps cheese guy on the shoulder.

2. Cheese guy is crying a little about the cash and opening up about his problems. The cheese lady is his younger sister. Suit guy is being very generous with his Pinot Blanc. We are having a picnic/improv family therapy session.

3. This is apparently the latest in a long string of his sister asking for something and then flaking when he asks to be paid back. Started with paying him back only some of what he was owed, then claiming something she paid for him was of equal value when it was not, then recently telling him his memory is wrong and he said it was a gift or that he'd do it for free.

"Yeah, the specific thing of trying to convince you your memory is unreliable is called gaslighting and it's really fucked up." I say

"yeeeeah. The other stuff I forgave because she's never really had a good job so she can't pay me back all the time but at least she was making an effort y'know? But that was. That was over the line."

"If you haven't already, check on the rest of your family's finances. My brother started trying to gaslight everyone when he started stealing from our parents." Says Pinot Blanc.

4. Shiba Inu Lady has purchased a cheddar. Apparently, the dog's name is Donut, and he's her service dog because she's severely visually impaired.

"Oh, he's a guide dog?" Asks cheese guy.

"oh, no." She laughs. "He's too short, and the way my eyes are, it's easier for me to navigate with a cane. No, the problem I have is that some morally impaired people see the cane and think they can get away with stealing my bag or assaulting me because I wouldn't be able to give a description- which is wrong, but rather than deal with that I got Donut, and he helps me by howling at anyone who gets in my personal space and biting anyone who grabs me!"

"Uh." Says Kirigumi. "He's been staring at me do I need to back up or..?"

"Ohdear! No, no- He wasn't looking at you! He loves cheese but he knows he's not supposed to beg so he decided the way to deal with something he wants but can't have is to stare in the other direction."

"OKAY!" Says Kirigumi. "I'm wearing fox pajamas and thought like. He thought I was another dog or something."

"No, no- he doesn't care about dogs, and you get a warning before he goes for the calves. Very helpful, when I was living in Italy!"

"Oh what part? I have family in Tuscany." Says Pinot.

2. I know they're planning to continue because Pinot talked to the gate agent so he and cheese guy can sit together and talk about family drama and cheese.

3. Pinot has been teaching him about different types of cheese and how to enjoy them.

4. Cheese guy apparently repairs computers and other technology devices for a living and is currently doing the software version of scraping barnacles and other crap off Pinot'macbook.

Now that I've heard the word aloud, and they are an astrophysicist. Who correctly believes in being comfy as fuck on planes. They are also familar with the concept of a meet-cute and is rooting for them too.

Got to walk the nice lady and her Tactical Assault Shiba to her next gate because it was on the way out and talk for a bit. Donut is called that not because he is the color of a Donut (which he is) but because he likes to sleep curled up in a perfect circle. He has a sister who does the same thing named Bagel.

Lost track of Pinot and Cheeseguy for a bit but when I saw them again at Baggage claim, Cheeseguy was holding both their jackets, and Pinot was on the phone to his hotel about "Well do you have any rooms with TWO beds?". The rest of the call indicated that yes, there were rooms with two beds, but Readers, I Had A Moment.

:)

 iA I Aka the post where borzoi talks to the crowd how awesome Lord Jake English is, the guy that everyones seen around, but have no idea who he is. Pull up a chair, this will get long. 

If Ultimate Dirk can be summarised by the mask of tragedy in theatre, LE Jake, AKA Ultimate Jake, could be summarised by the mask of comedy. I’ve barely read HS2, but from what I can see, Dirk wants to make a serious nitty gritty tragedy of serious and epic proportions. But he tries so hard that he ends up making it almost laughable.

Jake wants to make a thighslapper huckshaw comedy where everyones having a grand old time but  there is such deep and hollow tragedy hidden within the folds of all those pretty smiles.

If anything they abide a lot by aristotles theory on comedy and tragedy. While tragedy imitates men better than average, comedy parodies those who are worse.

Duties and responsibilities

Return to the origin

Hi guys, sorry for spam-posting this morning: I have over 2000 drafts and needed to get these posts out so I could put them in order, in order to make this post.

FOOD

Stay on track of recalls to avoid getting food poisoning + more food recall info

5 ingredients/45 minutes recipes

Apple chai caramel cider

How to make cookies in a mug

Edible plants catalogue:

Sad bastard Expectations

You need to eat vegetables

Transcendent pumpkin pie

Hungarian mushroom soup

The spite cookbook!!

Crustless quiche of eternal dinner

Accessible cookbook for people with sensory issues!!!

HOME KEEPING

Homemaking, gardening and self-sufficiency resources that will not radicalize you

House maintenance

Washing machine tips!

Home repair! How do I cover up holes in my wall

Gardening map

RESOURCES FOR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH AND SUPPORT

Disability survival guide

Resources for sign languages

Toothbrushes you can use while in bed!

Hey, person who's feeling overwhelmed by life!

How to do hard things

Reality statements for interpersonal effectiveness

In case anyone else is having a bad night

Stretching advice

Learn the Beck Columns with Cassandra Cain!

Activities that are not doom-scrolling

How to actually help someone who attempted suicide via pills

Lavender tip

Resume help for people with disabilities!!!

READING RESOURCES

Public domain websites

Bookshop is in the place!

Reading sites

Ao3 cheatsheet

Support your local library

Study time!

J-stor has it for you!

Magical bookstores (now with a map!)

WRITING RESOURCES

Useful websites aplenty

Writing tips that don't tell you what to write

Disability writing guide

On villains with tragic backstories

On carrying children

Some writing resources

Ref recs for whump writers

Writing dialogue

Writing characters with Schizophrenia

Writing advice ("crime")

Taking emotional intelligence in account!

Non tragic backstories

Useful geographical descriptors for writers:

How to say "it hurts"

You don't need an agent

Write your story backwards

Quick english grammar dialogue guide

Worldbuilding guide website

Writing about wounds

Gems (more useful than you'd think)

Wikipedia monster compilation

GRAPHIC ARTS RESOURCES

Anatomy help

Hot artists don't gatekeep

Sketch warm-ups

Muscle references!

SURVIVING THE DIGITAL HELLSCAPE

Resources for staying safe online

Escape the discord generative AI

Stop NCII

Back-up your tumblr blog

Fuck ads

Fuck your paywall

Fuck your paywall, science edition

Learn the basics of digital archiving/preservation

Fuck your overpriced Netflix subscription , really, fuck it

Hidden search systems

Wafern = fediverse tumblr (none of these words are in the bible)

Fuck that spotify subscription

Woops! Gmail scam

Wolfram Amadeus Mozart or something idk i don't play the violin

FUCK YOU AI TOP RESULTS

Discord switch?

Lock your fics!

Piracy yay

Decentralize and clean up your life!!

EDUCATION CORNER

Free classes!

AP US History help for high school students

Kink sex ed

Correct your misconceptions with Wikipedia

MISCELLANEOUS

Dealing with the worst case scenario

Supporting native artwork

Small ways in which you can support science!

Frozen water survival guide

Care packages

DIY clothing repare

Manners/etiquette

Yeah no I'm not doing that for free

Derek guy helping transmascs and trans men dress!

Summer advice

Some help for finding help! Resources exist, but may be difficult to find

Making stuff and doing things

( because apparently you can't add more than 100 links per post)

RESOURCES FOR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH AND DISABILITY RESOURCES