Ladies, I have once again escaped from federal prison

cosmo, wanda, i want you to spawn a piece of radioactive plutonium in that person's stomach

How fine is the line on can’t kill anybody? Because that will kill someone, it just wouldn’t be, like, immediately.

Iirc I heard in one episode, he tried to use a wish to kill a pop star that pissed him off, but because of the book of rules, the absolute worst thing he could do to intentionally wish harm on someone was for him to take too long to find a parking spot.

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

Me, watching you go balls deep into William The Free-Use Slut because your long-distance open relationship girlfriend just walked in and you don't want her finding out that you already got that dick piercing that she specifically told you not to get: Hmm. Interesting use of Free Will.

Moi, te regardant t'enfoncer jusqu'à la garde dans William, célibataire et arbitre de football, parce que ta petite amie en relation ouverte longue distance vient d'entrer et tu ne veux pas qu'elle découvre que tu t'es déjà fait ce piercing à la bite qu'elle t'a spécifiquement dit de ne pas faire : Hmm. Usage intéressant du Libre Arbitre.

Comment "The Free-Use Slut" devient "célibataire et arbitre de football"?

Does anyone know what to do about the temperature and also the prices

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

there are at least three houses in new orleans

so you’re telling me that “stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni” would be like saying “wrote a G on his belt and called it gucci”

that’s…a pretty good analogy actually

Seeing my notifications get flooded with this every July 4th is the only thing I respect about America

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

It's like talking to a 2010 Old Spice commercial with you people

customers the same in all universes

this is it. this is the best response i’ve ever received on this post. everyone pack up, go home, we’re done here

reblogging this to add that I often think about the old man yaoi mangaka on bluesky who said "the phrase that finally convinced me that the English language is truly beautiful was 'this shit is so ass'"

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do