Grappling with the fact that I have almost no happy memories from when I was a child.
The few of them I do have all involve being away from home and away from my parents.
Stranger Things
we're not kids anymore.
Jules of Nature
taylor price
trying on a metaphor
Cosmic Funnies
Cosimo Galluzzi
Monterey Bay Aquarium

tannertan36
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
cherry valley forever

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
wallacepolsom

roma★

Kiana Khansmith
Not today Justin
Sweet Seals For You, Always
🪼
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@oftoxicparents
Grappling with the fact that I have almost no happy memories from when I was a child.
The few of them I do have all involve being away from home and away from my parents.

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I think the hardest part about addressing child abuse is getting people to acknowledge, not just intellectually but actually responding accordingly, is that the biggest threat to children, the biggest risk of abuse, is family and parents.
it is of course most often parents who are crowing about needing to protect children (often against far smaller threats than family), and pointing out that they are, statistically, the biggest threat to their kids is not gonna be received well.
tbh I feel like most of society’s rhetoric around “protecting children” comes from the same place as deep-patriarchy rhetoric on “protecting women”, where the idea is that they’re sacred and valuable but also treated essentially as property, and the the desire to protect them is largely experienced as a desire to ensure that those property rights are sacrosanct
Wow thats it
You yelling at your child is worse than your child yelling at you.
And I'm 100% serious about that.
You're the one who has an enormous amount of power, making it much more threatening when you yell than when they yell.
You're the one who had decades to figure out how to communicate in a better way.
You're the one who has other ways to get them to listen.
You're the one who chose to have a child, knowing that it would be your job to raise them.
You're the one who should be setting a good example and teaching them what healthy human interaction looks like.
If you don't want your child to yell, teach them why yelling is wrong and why it hurts to be yelled at. Of course, by doing so, you'll be making it clear exactly why you yelling at them is worse than them yelling at you. And you don't want to do that because it's a threat to your power.
adults disciplining children: i think i will communicate with this brand new human in the loudest, rudest, most obnoxious and socially off-putting way possible
adults disciplining children: i think i will behave in ways that are completely, radically unacceptable in literally any other scenario
adults disciplining children: welcome to earth! for the next ten years i will treat you in ways that i would not dare treat any other person. i do not treat other people this way because i know it is bad and wrong. hope you understand.
And then when the autistic child mimics this behavior to a tee because that's how they were inadvertently taught to socialize, they are further punished and it reinforces the behavior and teaches them this is how they are supposed to interact with other people when they have problems.
Hi it took me until I was nearly an adult to be friends with anyone because I was a huge asshole and had to unlearn pretty much everything my stepmother did that I had started mimicking.
There's this interesting phenomenon where when you're a child, or some other vulnerable minority dependent on a job for shelter, you are actually under duress almost constantly. You can't say "I don't want to work today," you cannot say "I don't want to do the dishes, actually," you cannot choose not to participate. In a lot of cases, the punishment is explicit. Your parents might yell at you. Your boss might fire you. But in other cases, it's implicit. The mood will sour. You lose leeway. People get mad at you. And that creates a really shitty environment where you're constantly being coerced to do things!
And here's the kicker; you're not allowed to acknowledge that. You cannot acknowledge that you are being coerced, you cannot acknowledge that your free will is not being respected, because that's punished too. Your boss insists that you act excited. Your parents punish you for acting surly. You are forced to fake enthusiastic consent, constantly. It's a fucking nightmare. Your hand is being forced, you do not have the option to say "no," and if you ever, for a second, try to acknowledge that, everyone acts like you're the aggressor.

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I think what some people don't get when they're saying that you need to forgive in order to let go and move on is that.. for some of us... Not forgiving is what gives us peace and allows us to move on.
Not forgiving and admitting I didn't forgive him was like a breath of fresh air. I felt lighter. I felt able to move on. Trying to forgive because I was "supposed" to actually kept me stuck in it. Not forgiving was me saying that what he did was wrong, and I didn't deserve it. It was me realizing I wasn't at fault and to blame. Not forgiving was healing to me.
It's so valid if you forgive and it helped you, but others are equally as valid if they realize forgiveness wasn't for them.
I want to be clear that it's valid if forgiveness was what helped you heal. I don't think you're wrong. I just think it's wrong to assume that everyone has the same needs when healing. We're all different and what works for some doesn't necessarily work for everyone.
Exactly this! I’m okay with not being able to forgive my abusers because, frankly, they don’t deserve it. I don’t have to focus on them now that I’m not trying to forgive them. I can just go on in my life without them, and it feels great.
Still grappling with the fact that I wasn't allowed to express negative emotions as a kid.
Not in a "smile more! Cheer up!" sense, but in the sense that I was constantly walking on eggshells around my parents emotion, and any perceived negativity, even/especially in response to their own negative emotions and volatile behavior, only made things worse and increased the length and hostility of their outbursts and abuse episodes.
So I simply learned never to express negative emotions, especially in response to other people's negativity.
A reminder: You don't have to forgive your harassers/stalkers
Being wary of people who've hurt and scarred you doesn't make them "the bigger person"
You deserve to feel safe within your online spaces, your boundaries and well being should always come first
it can be therapeutic to admit "actually my childhood was deeply fucking awful." not "my parents tried" or "there were good times too" or "I was lucky in certain ways" but solely to acknowledge "I went though some fucking messed up shit what the fuck was that about "

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If you experienced trauma in childhood or had a rough childhood, dude listen to me. Offer yourself play. You were deprived of it.
Keep bubbles in the house, blow bubbles in the yard, blow them in your room, get a coloring book that doesn’t have to be an adult one with mandalas, watch cartoons, laugh at stupid things, dress up as a superhero for Halloween, wear a Santa hat on Christmas and big light up snowflake earrings, lay down on the floor, lay down in the grass, eat eggos for dinner sometimes. It’s not stupid. You’re not childish. You’re giving your inner child what they had taken from them. They deserve it.
I don't want to derail this post because it's an important message, and OP has addressed it to the people who most need to hear it. But... can i just add, for people who don't feel like they can give themselves permission to do this, that you can give yourself these things even if you didn't overtly experience trauma in childhood?
Even if you never thought of your upbringing as painful or malicious, you can and should still give yourself things you missed out on. Take that class! Learn that skill! Eat the foods you like, or branch out into new ones! Jump in piles of leaves and decorate your walls the way you want them.
Give yourself the things you couldnt have as a kid, especially if you didn't really get to have a childhood, but even if you didn't have the childhood you wanted. Go for a bike ride with friends. Go stargazing. Whatever it was that you feel like you missed, it's important to seek those things and remember that play and joy aren't exclusive to childhood.
I don’t think you derailed this at all and think this was a really thoughtful addition. So thank you!
“Don’t say you hate your fam-” No.
“Omg you should love your fami-” No.
“Be grateful they’re your famil-” No.
If you have been bullied, hit, teased, put down, hurt, lied to, or hated by your own family; you don’t need to justify how you feel. You don’t need to explain yourself. You are allowed to hate a family member or dislike a family member if they’ve given you a reason to.
hi. if you're a young person or teenager who happens to be following me: write it down! keep a secret diary, a notepad, a blog your parents don't have access to. write it down. keep a record somehow.
when i was a little kid and both my dad & i were being actively abused by my mom, he was familiar enough w her gaslighting that he instructed me at elementary school age to write down all the horrible things she did/said to me. it would be useful in court when custody was being argued and it would be useful to ME, years later, when my mom would try and convince me none of it happened. i had the proof, often word for word, that it did--and there was no hope in convincing my mom but a lot of hope in convincing myself and holding my stance against her. it was pivotal to advocating for myself and my feelings and eventually leaving her in my dust!
write it down!!! it’s so frustrating to have to deal with this bullshit, whether your parents are outright abusive or just fucking toxic/dysfunctional assholes. but you can do something for yourself and your mental health and that something is writing it down.
Yeah bury it in a box in the woods and write in it once a month if you have to, but write that shit down. I wish to fuck I had.
Dear my anxiety on instagram

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empathy without boundaries is self destruction = really explains why i had my absolute worst sense of identity when i had no boundaries with people and constantly asked people who i was but was never satisfied with the answer because i couldnt act their version of me out all the time because it would contradict the way everyone else preferred me to be so i was just this broken fragmented person who only expressed negative emotions when the broken mask slipped
if this sounds anything like you youre either a teenager with an adult figure in your life who doesnt allow you to express your genuine self or your an adult who needs to realize you arent anyone else’s person but your own now and living a life like a groveling rat is a fate worse than dying
Parentification is when a child takes on a more parental role. This can be traumatic, and have long-term effects. These images are a really condensed version of a more detailed blog post that I wrote here.