Children of Toxic Parents

it is of course most often parents who are crowing about needing to protect children (often against far smaller threats than family), and pointing out that they are, statistically, the biggest threat to their kids is not gonna be received well.

If you don't want your child to yell, teach them why yelling is wrong and why it hurts to be yelled at. Of course, by doing so, you'll be making it clear exactly why you yelling at them is worse than them yelling at you. And you don't want to do that because it's a threat to your power.

Hi it took me until I was nearly an adult to be friends with anyone because I was a huge asshole and had to unlearn pretty much everything my stepmother did that I had started mimicking.

And here's the kicker; you're not allowed to acknowledge that. You cannot acknowledge that you are being coerced, you cannot acknowledge that your free will is not being respected, because that's punished too. Your boss insists that you act excited. Your parents punish you for acting surly. You are forced to fake enthusiastic consent, constantly. It's a fucking nightmare. Your hand is being forced, you do not have the option to say "no," and if you ever, for a second, try to acknowledge that, everyone acts like you're the aggressor.

I want to be clear that it's valid if forgiveness was what helped you heal. I don't think you're wrong. I just think it's wrong to assume that everyone has the same needs when healing. We're all different and what works for some doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

You deserve to feel safe within your online spaces, your boundaries and well being should always come first

Keep bubbles in the house, blow bubbles in the yard, blow them in your room, get a coloring book that doesn’t have to be an adult one with mandalas, watch cartoons, laugh at stupid things, dress up as a superhero for Halloween, wear a Santa hat on Christmas and big light up snowflake earrings, lay down on the floor, lay down in the grass, eat eggos for dinner sometimes. It’s not stupid. You’re not childish. You’re giving your inner child what they had taken from them. They deserve it.

Give yourself the things you couldnt have as a kid, especially if you didn't really get to have a childhood, but even if you didn't have the childhood you wanted. Go for a bike ride with friends. Go stargazing. Whatever it was that you feel like you missed, it's important to seek those things and remember that play and joy aren't exclusive to childhood.

If you have been bullied, hit, teased, put down, hurt, lied to, or hated by your own family; you don’t need to justify how you feel. You don’t need to explain yourself. You are allowed to hate a family member or dislike a family member if they’ve given you a reason to.

write it down!!! it’s so frustrating to have to deal with this bullshit, whether your parents are outright abusive or just fucking toxic/dysfunctional assholes. but you can do something for yourself and your mental health and that something is writing it down.

Dear my anxiety on instagram

Parentification is when a child takes on a more parental role. This can be traumatic, and have long-term effects. These images are a really condensed version of a more detailed blog post that I wrote here.