Jar Father who Garf in Heaven

I am the white vans of the Daniels you couldn't damn

Was at a queer thrift store today and while my friend was trying on clothes I think the cashier noticed me looking a little too long at the collars but didn't say anything

It's so good that I can make up a kind of annoying guy and then discuss with friends how best to psychologically torture them. Yeah here's a guy who is so mortally terrified of being in debt/being poor that they're willing to run acquisitions for The Magnus Institute. What if they had to choose between fucking up a job and not getting paid or finishing the job and getting a coworker killed. What if they were also an annoying grindest dickhead.

I'm usually at work right now but for whatever reason they didn't schedule me so I tried taking a nap cause y'know, tired. Instead what I got was a super vivid stress dream where I hopped on a bus that left me stranded in the middle of nowhere, no phone data, I had to be at work in an hour, no one would scratch my head, and all I had to eat was plain bread. yay.

Zestburster for pride month is this anythjg

I am a godless pervert who needs to be put down inhumanely (thinking about kissing rn)

As we get more Universes Beyond stuff in Magic: the Gathering I become a little more uncomfortable with the number of children that are now in the game where I can melt your skin off and send you to hell, and then reanimate your corpse to fight for me

I should get a sweater that looks less sophisticated and more slutty. I've earned it.

Does anyone know if you can kinda like. Bite something that's hard and just kinda go crazy on it with braces on. Idk I just need to fucking bite something. But I don't wanna mess up my teeth

I'd hate to become a skeleton and then everyone would be all "oh shit a skeleton they've gotta know something about necromancy" but not me. I'd be forlornly making huge sub sandwiches and then watching them fall out of my ribcage and shit. Fuck I'd hate being a skeleton