The OC Fuckhouse

And for the blonde man, perhaps some torture?

a new kind of guy where he moans a lot but he's actually just getting comfy in bed

he snuggles down into his blankets a little more securely and it's like he's just had an orgasm

"mmm yeah just like that sooo good" but he's literally done nothing but roll over and find the cool spot on his pillow

Changing the relationship status to "Stalemate"

Changing the relationship status to "Uneasy truce"

Changing the relationship status to "Mutually assured destruction"

the best time to post about boobs is… in the morning… after breakfast

did you have the dream i sent you?

AU where the women in straight porn just grunt and say stuff like "take that big pussy, bitch" while the men scream and moan and convulse and arch their backs while shouting "Oh my god! You're wrecking my dick!"

hey don’t check ur mailbox today i put anthrax in it sorry i regret it now i’m learning to not act on my impulses

(desperate for cock voice) im not desperate for cock

wait i just found out you can be nice to people and be their friend i thought we had to kill them all cause i was raised in a lab to be a living weapon

@the-gentleman-who-wants-to-fuck

Cop pulled me over on my war horse today.. impaled his ass on my lance and dragged his body 10 miles

I’m at the doctor office and this baby keeps yelling “I want donow” (mcdonalds) and the big brother (I assume) said “all the mcdonalds burnt down, there’s no more mcdonalds”

One time my 50 boyfriends were fighting over who got to rub my feet and I’m like calm down everyone and grew 48 more feet