Stratosphere

I’ve been out of my parents house since July of this year, so 4 months. I, like every other deeply traumatized person who desperately just wanted to escape, I expected for all my unhappiness, numbness and overall hollow feeling to go away since I will now be in a position to tackle my deep-seeded trauma and move forward with my healing since my healing isn’t up to anyone else anymore and I’m no longer in the environment that caused my trauma in the first place. These past five months have been eye-opening in the sense that I now know the consequences of suppressing your pain and minimizing your pain just so you can emotionally survive. I would’ve never expected for the emotions I’ve kept in for so long to hit me like they did, and it just doesn’t stop. All the anger, sadness, grief, resentment, frustration, yearning for things to have been different, just hit me so hard, and it continues to come in waves. So much so that my self-isolation tendencies came back within a month of being on my own and is something I’m still struggling with. It made me realize that I have a lot more work to do than I thought I did originally. I know the process is rewarding and I know it’ll get better, things just really hurt right now.