too tired to sleep

ITS BAD FOR THEM

FEED THEM FROZEN PEAS

digestive systems yall please

get seeds or something

Also it is absolutely ridiculous to think that we can deem a work from a country where queerness is illegal less legitimate because the author has not chosen to publicly disclosed their identity. Authors who were forced to hide their names because of government crack downs on queer art have been questioned for not being openly #Ownvoices.

I'm passionate because I have experience with this issue. I was questioned as to whether I could write about trans people, while I had been out as genderfluid in my personal relationships for years. I just didn't think it was a strangers business. If not for pressure from outsiders, I may have had a better experience coming out on my own terms, but some of y'all ruined that for me.

All his baby pics are just him being a cute little fat baby with gorgeous brown eyes. Just total Michelin man levels of rolls. A picture of him in a thick winter coat surrounded by snow in a park, looking like a teddy bear with his gloved hand in his mouth is one of Ilya's most treasured pictures of him.

Littol shane, aged 5, who is a completely unhinged neurotic feral monster zooming through the ice; his brain is getting its hit of dopamine & adrenaline cause of the cold and the thrill of playing. He is unstoppable, his chubby dumpling cheeks flushed red from being stuffed into the helmet. His autistic ass is stimming, happily tapping his stick, shuffling the puck back and forth and giggling away to glory. David is so happy he could cry, watching his son tightly clutching onto his gloved pinky finger as his wobbly legs waddle on the ice of the McGill university rink. Yuna keeps all his favorite healthy snacks in the glove box that he happily munches on with his chonkyy fingers while wiggling his tiny feet as they're driving back from the rink.

He's definitely a biter and Yuna is definitely loosing sleep over how she can't wean him off it and the other moms are complaining about it. She knows it is a terrible habit but fuck those moms cause her baby is trying and their kids are brats who are mean to shane!

David is one handling the tantrums cause toddler shane is capable of absolutely loosing his shit when he wants to. Little shane who hasn't learnt self regulation and has big emotions. David, who notices that shane doesn't fully allow himself to cry but he pouts and pouts and pouts all the way home. David has to pause in hallway and clutch his chest cause my god, he looks a disgruntled baby panda, my heart is not built for this.

Just CHONKYY baby shane!!!!!✨️✨️✨️

The CCM photoshoot. After Shane gets added, CCM inform Ilya that he cannot eat peanuts for at least 24 hours prior to the shoot (since they'll be in each other's faces and they don't want to risk killing the #2 overall pick).

Maybe the stylists gossip or smth, but it all amounts to Ilya knowing about the allergy from the jump and being one of the very few who don't treat him like he's fragile or deserves pity.

oh MAN okay okay: so i feel like they wouldn't be telling someone else's medical information, BUT i 100% feel like yuna puts things like an allergy-free set in shane's rider from the very start, and yeah she has to bring down the hammer sometimes especially when shane is new in his career so people are a little eyeroll about new kid on the scene being picky (it's one of the reasons she's ALWAYS on these sets with shane), but it's just a default of, "hey, craft services cannot have X, X, or X, and approved styling products are X, X, and X. all substitutions must be cleared by his management at least 48 hours in advance."

so ilya gets told as part of this shoot, "hey, we don't allow blah, blah, blah on set for allergy reasons" without saying there's actively a person who is being considered here. and ilya is new! he doesn't really know how all of this works yet no matter how confident he has to act about it, so as far as he knows, this is just how ad sets work. i also cannot remember of it was an ask or a question i got, but i THINK someone also told me that stuff like peanut allergy warnings are not super common in russia but relatively VERY more present in north america, so i also 100% buy ilya being like, "cultural thing, maybe? normal for over here?"

and he and shane are making smalltalk at the side of the rink, and ilya brings up that he organized the shoot, and he's still looking for more stuff to say to keep them talking (because tbh? just a lil nervous about talking to his crush especially after admitting he arranged this and still not sure if shane is vibing back or not and also still working on getting fully comfortable with english), so he brings up, "crazy we cannot even have peanut butter here, yes?" because again: DOESN'T KNOW THIS IS A SPECIFIC REQUEST. STILL THINKING THIS IS PROBABLY JUST A LIABILITY THING FOR AD SETS IN GENERAL OR SOMETHING.

and shane immediately is wondering if he's being made fun of or something?? did someone tell??? is rozanov being shitty about this?? is this a dig? but no. he said "we". he's not assuming it's shane's fault (wouldn't be his fault anyway, but it's how shane thinks about it). and he doesn't know rozanov yet, so he's not going to bust out his medical history when he doesn't have to, especially if he thinks rozanov MIGHT be shitty about it if he's going to bring up the set rules. so he just "yeah, they're pretty strict about it." so now ilya is just internally like 'yeah, so okay. this is how things go. his mom is his manager so she probably knows all the rules and told him. noted.' which tbh? kind of a relief. now he knows something important for this career (ooooh ilya).

so they agree to meet up, but ilya has now been thinking about the forbidden allergies purely the way you will when someone brings something up to you and tells you not to eat it (not even spitefully against the rules, just "man, someone mentioned peanut butter and said not to eat it, and now i REALLY want some peanut butter"), so he does something like get thai food with peanut sauce for dinner, and then obvi he has a mint right before meeting up with shane, but he's trying to act SO cool guy and going through the whole bother of brushing his teeth and using mouthwash would feel like Doing Too Much (jesus christ, teenaged boy with a crush). so his breath doesn't SMELL like peanuts, but he hasn't scrubbed any potential traces clear.

and the hookup with them happens pretty quick from first kiss to finishing, so shane at the end is catching his breath...and catching his breath...a-and catching...his breath. and then realizes that his throat and chest going so tight is a reaction and not just being fresh out of orgasm (and really FUCK his life. he gets the first sexual experience he has ever wanted and now THIS? FUCK his fucking EVERYTHING).

and ilya hasn't seen someone have a reaction before, so he doesn't actually know what's happening at first. is this? a freakout? "hollander, are you ok-" but then shane is scrambling up and tearing through his bag and ilya is just ?? what??? is goign on right now?? and then shane finds his epipen and doesn't want to sit on hotel floor because Gross but manages to wobble back to the bed and use it, and ilya STILL doesn't know?? what the fuck is happening?? but hollander couldn't really breathe right and now he stabbed?? himself?? with something?? and ilya can read context clues enough to understand that this is a medical thing, which is alarming, but also shane in the aftermath of using the epipen is shaking violently because that's just a side effect of it, and he's still catching his breath, but ilya bunches up the comforter to put around him because he thinks maybe he's just shivering??

and shane manages to get his breath back enough to say, "hey, ca-can you ca-call an ambulance?" and ilya is ?! yes but ?! and then shane realizes he's still naked so need to fix THAT first (fuck his FUCKING life), so he starts to get up and ilya (who is tbh a little freaked out right now because still doesn't know what's happening but shane looks Not Okay) just gently pushes him back down and grabs his (ever so helpfully neatly folded) clothes for him and puts them beside him on the bed and also puts his own clothes back on SO fast because obviously that needs to happen Now, and when he gets done, shane still hasn't gotten his shoes on or something because shaking still and also still has fucky blood pressure so getting a head rush leaning over, so ilya ends up helping.

and then ilya calls for him and also just. doesn't feel okay leaving him. their rivalry hasn't set in yet and this is the first time they've done anything so what even is there to hide (nothing obvious is on the bed, and beside a crumpled tissue in the bin, there's no other evidence), and also people already saw them talking during the shoot today so not beyond the realm of possibility that they'd just be doing more of that since they're already in the same hotel. and yuna was leaving the hotel earlier to get a drink with a friend or something who happens to be in town, so shane doesn't want to ruin that for her over a stupid reaction (and also wants to feel like an adult and not have to have his mom come running when she already stayed with him all day because of his allergies when he KNOWS it's noteworthy for someone's mom to be doing this), so when the paramedics ask about if anyone needs to be contacted or if anyone's coming along, he very honestly is like, "no, my mom's busy."

and ilya fully on impulse tells shane, "i can come. if you want." because like. he's already here. he still doesn't FULLY understand what happened here. but shane looks really sick rn and he knows from meeting her in the elevator that yuna was leaving the hotel, and he doesn't know why shane wouldn't just call (maybe she doesn't take her phone when she goes out?), but HE wouldn't want to take an ambulance ride by himself if he felt as bad as hollander looks right now (he almost certainly would end up doing it because who else would there be to come with him, but he wouldn't WANT to). and shane is a little thrown, but yeah, he doesn't know him well but it's not like he has a secret to keep from him at this point and maybe not a bad idea to have someone who can call his mom on his phone if he needs them to because of a secondary response or something.

so ilya ends up going to the hospital with him, and they end up talking because what else is there to do in this four hour observation window. and shane confesses to his allergies and being the reason the set couldn't have allergens on it. and ilya can read people. he can see that shane is bracing himself here. but ilya doesn't actually care. he'll chirp hollander and have fun with him, but he's not actually going to make fun of someone's medical condition, especially when they've ended up in the hospital because of it.

(and because. of him then eating something. that triggered that medical condition. oops.)

and they actually end up getting along during this time they've got 1:1, and of COURSE yuna finds out shane's not in his room because she went by to say goodnight and also hand over a new sponsorship deal someone sent over while she was out and got printed in the business center at the hotel to let shane look at it (prefers papers he can touch instead of reading on a phone), but shane?? didn't answer?? honey, you feeling okay?

and now yuna does end up at the hospital and is surprised at finding rozanov there, but as shane is scrambling, rozanov hops in with an excuse of saying he went up to see if shane wanted to work out together (a wink wink that only shane will understand lmao), but then shane started having a reaction. so now what yuna knows about ilya rozanov is that he was actively trying to hang out with her son and be friendly AND he then helped her child during an allergic reaction and even went with him to the hospital after.

and through the power of yuna, ilya and shane end up exchanging numbers because yuna won't say it but she's always excited when shane ends up making a new friend, so she drops a, "why don't you boys trade numbers? then you can hang out the next time you're in the same place for something."

so now they've started texting WAY earlier than in canon, and to shane's mom at least it's understood they're not really enemies right from the start (with the context of ilya is actually nice to shane in person, she understands that the rivalry is just an nhl narrative, and she understands marketing and spin), so she encourages shane in texting him, and even when they're in the same place (like at all stars), she encourages them meeting up and getting dinner together.

and for shane's part, ilya teases him about it later, but it's not mean or exclusionary. they plan on getting dinner with shane's parents for the first time or something and rozanov hits him with a, "i should order peanuts again and try to kill you, do you think? or is twice just bad manners?" and it's such a relief to have someone who thinks it's something that can just be joked about. rozanov doesn't treat him differently now except for asking shane now and then about stuff just because he's not wanting to kill shane the next time they meet up lol.

From pics community on reddit

You can fight ICE by annoying them

Mess up their food/drink orders- Lose their tickets/reservations

Overtighten lug nuts, strip spark plugs

Give them incorrect but real-sounding information

Record them with your phones

Disrupt them with loud noises (car alarms, music, banging metal) and bright lights (flashlights, headlights)

Shame them

(fuck yeah)

The fascists want complacency.

Do not give it to them.

(fuck them white supremacists )

There are real labor problems here. Base pay is often insulting. Customer tips carry too much of the burden. Workers need better protections, more transparent algorithms, protection from arbitrary deactivation, and actual recourse when the app or a customer screws them over. Car-dependent delivery is also an environmental and infrastructural problem, though in a denser city I’d still be doing this work; I’d just be doing it by bike.

But when people talk about delivery work, I rarely see them talk to actual delivery workers. I see a lot of abstract arguments about convenience, consumer decadence, “hustle culture,” and internalized neoliberalism. Meanwhile, when I’m out working and waiting in restaurants for orders, the other Dashers I meet are usually people who only speak Spanish, people who read as neurodivergent, visibly physically disabled people, or some combination of the above.

I have not met this mythical Disco Elysium poor ultraliberal hustlegrinder-wannabe people seem to be arguing with. Maybe that archetype exists somewhere. If it exists among any kind of gig worker, it would probably be rideshare drivers. But most of what I see looks less like “rise and grind” and more like “this is one of the few forms of work available to people who need flexibility, low barriers to entry, limited managerial surveillance, or a way to work around language barriers, disability, burnout, chronic illnesses and injuries with symptoms that come and go unpredictably, caregiving, résumé gaps, or discrimination.”

That does not make the current system good. It means the current system is filling a real gap that a lot of supposedly better systems do not even acknowledge.

As a disabled person who is burnout-prone and demand-sensitive, contracting as a delivery driver has given me an unprecedented level of financial flexibility. I can work when I have capacity. I can stop when I’m deteriorating. I can build my day around my actual body instead of being trapped under a manager who thinks “reliable” means “able to perform the same way every day no matter what.” That matters. It does not cancel out the exploitation, but it is also not fake just because it is politically inconvenient.

And delivery itself is not some inherently decadent evil. Sometimes people live alone. Sometimes they are sick. Sometimes they are disabled, exhausted, overwhelmed, grieving, overloaded, or recovering from something else - perhaps the stress and fatigue induced by their own job. Sometimes they need medicine, groceries, or a meal that will actually unplug their sinuses instead of whatever generic community-care slop someone thinks they should be grateful for. Humans are allowed to need specificity. “Food” is not the same as “the food I can actually eat right now.”

A serious labor critique would ask how to make delivery work safer, better-paid, less tip-dependent, less car-dependent, less algorithmically punitive, and less precarious. It would ask what kinds of flexible, accessible work should exist for people who cannot thrive in conventional employment. It would ask how cities could support bike delivery, worker cooperatives, public infrastructure, and real protections without simply replacing one bad system with a moral sermon about how nobody should ever want takeout.

But a lot of the discourse does not do that. It treats convenience itself as suspicious. It treats wanting flexible work as false consciousness. It treats the needs of disabled people, immigrants, and other people who can't fit into traditional employment structures as details to be swept aside in favor of a cleaner political image.

I’ve reread this scene about a hundred times because I’m currently writing an Anya fic, and somewhere in those hundred times something struck me: the only family that really loved and cared for Ilya abandoned him too. It wasn’t her fault. Irina was sick. But she still left him, and no one acknowledged how terrible that was when it happened because it was more important to save face and pretend it was an accident. Ilya wasn’t allowed to voice his pain or rage when it happened to him. With Anya, he gets to say it. He gets to acknowledge the cruelty of being left behind.

But even though she was abandoned, Anya is not mistrustful. She’s a happy-go-lucky dog, lovable and friendly with everyone. She carries this wound of abandonment, yet every time she meets a new person, all they notice is how friendly she is. How happy. A lot of formerly abandoned dogs are like this: desperate for affection, sweet, friendly to everyone. Doing everything they can to make themselves so lovable that no one will ever leave them again.

That’s the Ilya we see in Role Model. Boisterous, friendly, taking care of everyone else’s pain while hiding his own. It’s not until we get his POV in The Long Game that we see how much he’s suffering.

Shane sees it. When Anya cries at their bedroom door, Shane postpones his very favorite thing to do (fucking his boyfriend) because Anya is scared and alone. He gives Ilya permission to meet her needs, and Ilya can’t move fast enough.

I can’t screenshot the book bc my copy has it spread on two pages, but he says,

“Anya, sweet girl. What is the matter? Are you lonely?”

I think it’s really important we’re in Shane’s POV here. Shane heard her cry first. Shane said, “go get her.” Shane, Mr. “now the bed’s all dirty,” let Anya sleep in their bed because she was alone and she needed it. Shane is not the emotionally illiterate autistic stereotype the fandom makes him out to be. He’s already noticed this loneliness before with Ilya

The difference is, Anya asks for what she needs and lets them give it to her. Shane gets to be there for her in a way Ilya isn’t ready to accept yet. Ilya gets to give her the care he didn’t get as a child who lost his mother. They both can address Anya’s loneliness because she is a dog and she feels safe enough with them to ask.

Meanwhile, Ilya…

He’s not ready. Shane can’t give him what he needs yet because Ilya won’t let him, has spent too long denying his own wound.