too tired to sleep

Spin the wheel again. That’s who’s trying to protect you.

(If you have zero idea about a name you got, spin until you see someone you recognize.)

US's team captain was given a red card by a ref, meaning he had to sit out the rest of that game and the following one against Belgium

Trump reached out to FIFA to overrule it. I think technically they delayed punishment to have him sit out a future game but not this one

US gets to have their team captain for the game against Belgium

Soccer games at this level are famously low-scoring, with 1:1 and 1:0 being the most common final scores

Belgium completely destroys the US team, winning 4:1

Heated Rivalry – S01E01 "Rookies"

As minors in junior hockey, both Shane and Ilya are being spoken about by professional international sports broadcasters as generational talents. They were born five weeks apart, and they play the same position.

As of December 2008, they are very likely the two best 17 year old centres in the world. They have probably never seen boys their own age who play their position and might actually be better than them. Likely the only players who can challenge them are older. More experienced, more physically developed, maybe already playing in the NHL/MLH/KHL.

Being told you’re the best in your country (and maybe the world) could and does make a kid arrogant. And they’re both certainly competitive as hell. But it would also be lonely to be the best 17 year old centre in your country (and perhaps the world).

To play with peers who can’t keep up with you and know it. Peers who maybe resent you for being so good. And maybe aren’t always subtle about their resentment of you being better than them. Maybe they “joke” that your “hockey IQ” is so high because you’re Asian. And make fun of the social awkwardness you can’t help, the things they pick up on that you don’t.

Maybe they look sidelong at you when they brag about what their mom is cooking for dinner tonight (you don’t have a mom). And make “jokes” about what your dad will say after you lose (they’ve all seen him scream at you). Maybe they’re your friends, sometimes, but they can’t keep up with you, and they resent it.

Yeah, there was mutual lust from the start (although Shane didn’t consciously admit it in Saskatchewan). But I think also a mutual healthy respect for a dangerous opponent who’s damn good. Maybe just as good as you, maybe, just maybe, even better.

You sit in the stands (with your mom if you’re lucky, alone if you’re not) and you watch this other 17 year old practice. And he’s dangerous. To your team’s chances in the tournament, and to your own ego. But you also see something familiar in the way he flies across the ice, the way he handles the puck, and anticipates plays. Something you recognize because you do it too.

I feel like you get a lot of asks that amount to “I’m having feelings about racism and/or activism and I don’t quite know what to do about that.” In my experience, and I think you’ve also mentioned this, one of the first things you need to do to be an effective activist is figure out how to deal with your feelings on your own. So this is for anyone finding themselves in that position because otherwise you’re going to keep asking a Black woman to sooth your emotions about racism.

Here’s what I would suggest doing instead of defaulting to the ask box:

If you’re experiencing an emotion you don’t know what to do with, there are two things you need to do: process the emotion, and decide on a course of action.

Processing emotions: Take the time to sit with and experience the emotion within yourself. No one can do this for you, you need to actually sit with your feelings until you’re familiar with them. Even if they’re bad or scary. If you’re worried about having a “wrong” feeling that makes sense, but you’re still experiencing it. The best way to keep from hurting someone with your feelings is to process them, and you can’t do that if you’re too busy being scared of them. Don’t cheat on this part. Being familiar with a feeling means that you understand its shape and you’re not afraid of it anymore, even if its not right or not fair. Once you’re familiar with a feeling you can figure out why you feel that way. If you were taught to, if you picked it up through societal messaging, if someone made you feel that way, if its connected to any other feelings or events from your past. I find that many emotions resolve on their own during these two steps, if they’ve been doing correctly*. If your emotion hasn’t resolved at this point, it likely means something needs to change or that you need to change. Guilt is a good example here: guilt over true wrong doing should not go away just by understanding why you feel guilty.

Course of action: If, once you understand your emotions, they are still present you need to decide on a course of action. To continue with the guilt example, this might involve apologizing, educating yourself and others, or taking action to make a difference in your community. Do keep in mind that you are not owed forgiveness for harm you have caused. Additionally, you don’t have to “confess your sins” while you’re doing this. If you caused harm you should acknowledge it and why what you did was wrong, but there’s a difference between accountability and self flagellation or confessing because you want someone to tell you that what you did or thought “wasn’t that bad.”

That last one is why you should process your emotions first. As has been said a million times, the focus should be on the people who are being harmed, regardless of whether you were the person who caused that harm. I think a lot of you are running into problems with how to do that. The answer is that you can’t if you’re letting your own emotions get in the way. So learn how to process them, and learn how to use them as fuel to continue fighting. But don’t make them the problem of the people you’re trying to help.

*There are quite a number of types of nuerodivergence and mental illness that make this more complicated. Having one of those will make this harder, but you are still capable of learning how to process and manage your own emotions, even if you need different supports or help from others in your life. The bottom line remains the same.

Tags passing peer review, gonna share.

the idea of shane having a separate small fridge in the garage where he keeps frozen mice for spaghetti, but this means when ilya asks about it in passing while shane is looking for water shoes, he's distracted and just goes, "oh, drinks and spaghetti" and ilya just ??? you have?? freezer just for pasta????? actually no this sounds like a Rule you would make yeah sure why not.

Spaghetti is all curled up and a little stressed out, since Shane so rudely removed him from his favorite piece of bark. But hey, this is nice and warm, and oooh, wow, that's a cave! Spaghetti likes caves.

In less than three seconds Spaghetti has slithered inside Ilya's sleeve. He is standing very still. There is a snake slowly wriggling over his armpit and he is not going to scream because he is So Incredibly Manly. The snake has flickered its tongue over Ilya's chest. He can feel its tiny snake nose poking around his nipple. If this snake bites his nipple he will make Shane sleep on the couch.

The snake climbs up to Ilya's neck and settles in a squiggly-shape on his shoulder, with its head peeking out of his collar. Shane turns around to put the disinfectant bottle away and pauses.

"Awww!" he coos. "You look so cozy!"

"Yes, he is very cozy." Ilya says. His voice is a little high-pitched. "Maybe he should go back now. We interrupted his nap."

"Oh, it's fine for him to be out a little longer," Shane says. "You're warm, he likes you."

"Well, it was rude to disturb him. Probably we should let him rest." Ilya says, trying to dislodge the invader from his shirt. Fucker. It's a good shirt and now he's stretching it out trying to evict a reptile. The things he does for love.

Shane takes pity on him and scoops Spaghetti out of Ilya's collar, then drapes him over a plant and shuts the enclosure door.

"You were very brave, babe." he tells Ilya, and kisses his cheek.

"I was not scared. I am very strong, very cool hockey player. It takes more than a little animal to scare me." Ilya lies.

the idea of this corn snake chilling in the equivalent of a snake mansion is KILLING ME. there are children with less space and enrichment than spaghetti.

also shane at 18 was still making an impression on his team in montreal and knew by then that "hey, i have a snake" gets side eyes he doesn't necessarily want, so only hayden knows about spaghetti on the montreal team, but after he's on the ottawa team, spaghetti comes up because ilya needs someone to understand his pain, and it becomes a superstition that if spaghetti eats his mouse no problem, then they have good luck for the next 10-14 days until he eats again. shane literally get @'d if the team knows it's Spaghetti Feeding Day and he doesn't report in of his own accord.

ilya HATES this superstition. it's not enough that the snake lives in the same house as him where he lays his sweet head each night. now spaghetti is even in the groupchat. he gets ASKED about SPAGHETTI THE SNAKE at his JOB!!!! he has SUFFERED!! more than JESUS!!!

reblogging with my own tags because i'm actually so emotional about the idea of shane like. not expecting ilya to interact with or even like spaghetti. shane knows people don't like snakes. (even his mom put on a good show, but he knows she does NOT fuck with spaghetti as a concept and was happy when he moved out along with shane to montreal). spaghetti gets introduced to ilya at the cottage, but like. the snake has his own room for a reason. a lot of people don't like snakes, and shane has also had the reptile owner experience of people even wanting his pet to be dead or talking about how they would kill him. so shane doesn't talk a lot about spaghetti, and he KNOWS ilya does not like his snake. and that's okay. ilya is willing to be in the same house as spaghetti and not say anything bad about him, and that's good enough.

and i am SO in my feelings imagining ilya getting to shane's house earlier than him one day during the season when they're still long distance and shane finding him in spaghetti's room talking to him. and ilya is clearly a little unnerved by this snake but is just, "if you could do less with the tongue, i think would be better for me, if you can manage this. *pause* see, no, it feels like you just did EXTRA tongue thing just because i asked you not to." and shane is??? hello??? what are you doing???

and ilya is a little flustered getting caught talking to spaghetti but also says he was trying to get used to spaghetti because he knows shane likes carrying him around but doesn't when ilya is over, and ilya doesn't want him to not get to carry his pet around if he wants to just because of him.

@merliren

tears in my eyes laughing at the idea of yuna drinking her wine and thinking, "oh you poor fool," because she senses a kindred "does NOT fuck with snakes" spirit, but that's something shane gets to handle on his own.

First Fuck: Fast, frantic, not much talking except "get your clothes off you don't have to undo all the buttons" because Shane is in his stupid pleaked up shirt. I visualize like Shane shoving Ilya up the bed still straddling him and knee walking and yanking Ilya's pants down to give him his best impression of Ilya's own tornado blowjob for a few minutes and then Ilya flips them so they can do some rough intercural pouring lube between them while Shane moans for him to just put it in he can take it right now but Ilya's too close and he busts before he can even get a condom in their vicinity so then he just sucks his own come off of Shane's dick

Second Fuck: Okay, Ilya's got his wits about him now. "Gonna give it to you right, Hollander, you want it? You've missed this?" putting Shane on all fours and he goes so slow, kissing up his back and telling Shane to say his name "say it, tell me who you want to fuck you" and Shane begs him like "Ilya Ilya Ilya want you to fuck me" but Ilya keeps it slow and deep until they're both dying and then finally moves in for the kill.

It feels like a uniquely American capitalist take to assume these traditions will make you completely self sufficient. You need a lot of people, a lot of time, a lot of knowledge across a lot of subjects, and a lot of luck to provide for everyone's nutritional needs.

So should you even bother trying to be more self sufficient with your food? I argue yes. Foraging and gardening are fun and will teach you so much about many things. They are deeply rewarding activities that can supplement your diet. There are herbs I haven't bought in years because I grow my own. There are dishes I can only make with foraged ingredients because I can't get them in stores.

Buy the cheap stuff - like grains, starchy tubers, and legumes - and grow the expensive stuff, for example:

herbs (mint family always in pots, never in the ground)

garlic, shallots, green onions

ginger (in pots, overwinter indoors)

lettuce, spinach, chard, arugula, kale, and other greens

tomatoes, peppers, eggplant

asparagus

rhubarb

strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries

tree fruit and nuts (if you have room and time for an orchard)

Even living in an apartment and growing in windows/balcony, I saved maybe 25% of my June-November food budget. Now in a house, with mature fruit trees, eight raised beds, bees, and chickens, I save maybe 50% from June-November and 20% the rest of the year. And meals are way tastier and more nutritious!

Don't try to do everything at once. Learning the needs of a lot of plants at the same time is overwhelming. Start with a few simple things and expand from there. Which things are simple depends on your local climate as much as on the plant.

Don't invest money that you can not afford to lose on failed crops. Most people's first years are not that great and even an experienced gardener can lose crops due to unexpectedly extreme weather, a really bad bug infestation, etc.

Trees are investments that take a long time to pay off, nut trees especially but any tree can take a few years. So you don't just need space, you also need to be reasonably confident that you will still live in that place when they start getting good.