you know, if an adult is a nice person that’s not “innocence.” they learned how to actively be a good person. they’re not some eternal child

also i’m gonna be real why is it that being nice in general is seen as a childish or immature trait

trying to convince my roommate not to eat tinfoil

a couple weeks ago this guy posted in the chicago pagan facebook group saying that he’s a djinn and that there’s a portal between here and egypt and only he and one other person had the power to close it and there was going to be a massive sandstorm… like dude, close the fucking portal, why are you even telling us this

remember when linguini brought a rat he found back to his apartment and got all embarrassed and was like it’s not much. to the rat

the F on my birth certificate was the doctor paying respects when I was born

discourse topic of the night: mini m&ms are objectively better than normal m&ms.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again–the real reason they’re better is because its the closest any of us will come to eating a handful of beetles

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a clapping, As of ass cheeks gently clapping, clapping at my chamber door.

“tis a visitor,” i muttered, “dummy thicc, and nothing more”

this post came from a darker universe

If you rearrange the letters in the light it spells alien

If you add in the partial letters touched by the light it’s “E.T. Alien” 👽

Big Time Rush will be touring my labryinth permanently

I’ve started the cats on a diet (gotta get rid of those small saggy bellies), & this has resulted in Pangur shadowing me for the last 2 hours, screaming & biting whatever body part I leave accessible