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I'm alone

I wonder if one day I'll go to bed without hoping I don't wake up the next day.

I keep on chasing something that'll never be mine.

That song is just a song. That place is just a place. That moment is gone. What you believe you need is just an idea, an altered memory; what you miss lies within you. It can't exist without you. You're not tied to it, you're holding it. You can let go.

Is there any ANY reason at all for which I'm still here?

I've never been lonelier than now that I'm supposed to be doing better.

In the middle of the night, when you feel empty, and sad, and lost, when things just don't make sense and you feel utterly inadequate, when you accept you'll never be enough, when everyone is asleep while you cry your eyes out in silence, or even screaming, but unable to ask for help, or advice, or just to be heard...

I'm going to do it tonight.

I'm tired of feeling like my mind is not mine.

I fell for someone just to find out I'm worthless.

Today I overheard my mother and brother talking about me. They talked like I'm a situation, not a person, not their family. I'm just a fcking "something" to keep in control, a problem that can't be solved but has to be endured.