oh fuck

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

not to be horny on main but cuddling in bed would hit so hard right now

oh well i guess ill just be fat and hot

"You could get up early and do it before work" I could also wait for a magic beanstalk to start growing in my living room LMAO. Let's focus on things that happen in the real world

Beware the buttery winds of pierogi madness

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"

May I please have 1 everything

Noah's Ark if every animal reproduced asexually

Interesting I like it

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

The phrase "hell apparently migrated" made me snort juice out my fucking nose oh my god thank you tumblr user introvertathome you just made my entire day I'm so serious