you should be able to say “fuck if i know” to customers
“That’s a great question!” = fuck if I know
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@notacatyet
you should be able to say “fuck if i know” to customers
“That’s a great question!” = fuck if I know

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pausing mid thrust to open tumblr.com to delete the celibacy gif I reblogged 2 weeks ago
OH GOD okay bruce creating and encouraging codependency in dick and tim when tim becomes robin justifying it to himself thinking it means timbin will have a reason anchoring him down to gotham stronger than robin (since jason ran away in search for family; bruce... your mind... seek therapy please) and dick will have a reason to visit gotham more often, to come back to him in a way.
and it works. dick and tim are very compatible and like each other a lot, so stretching that to spark codependency isn't difficult, and he can see it ties them both solidly to gotham, to each other, and to himself, too.
and then. steph, cass. babs, returning as oracle. jason coming back. damian. kate, duke... their family grows.
but dick and tim's codependency stays. even though they try to adjust, bruce's meddling in their early relationship worked so well that now - there is no getting better, for them.
dick needs tim. and tim needs dick. and they love others, but something desperate claws at them when the other is far, when they can't be sure of each other's safety. they're terribly attached, cuddling and hugging and pda'ing all over the place; more often than not, tim is on dick's lap, or dick's head on tim's. they kiss. bruce knows they have sex, too, because although he wasn't aiming at a sexual or romantic relationship, at the moment it didn't seem like a problem, if it kept them together and strong. in fact, after thinking about it, he encouraged it, though he never let them know he knew.
and now. now bruce has to live with two incestuous sons who can't separate unless the mission dictates it, because he was the one who made them like this in the first place <3 and the rest don't understand why dick and tim are so--close, and weird. some think they're in love and that's it. that they're each other's favourites (and they are jealous because of it) and the weirdness is just... a vigilante-y side effect. babs has an inkling and tries to confront bruce only for bruce to shoot her a really tired look full of regret and asking her if she can solve it. because dick and tim's relationship isn't healthy and they're obsessed with each other and they're--supposed to be brothers. and they are!! but they're also more. so much more. and bruce now has to live with it <3
(meanwhile dick and tim are very in love and stalking each other and ruining any other suitors/romances before they can happen, and fucking behind the scenes. they both know by now what bruce did but can't find it in themselves to try and correct it beyond one first attempt, because it almost drove them insane. they're living together and being absolutely neurotic about it--they scent each other's clothes and massage their cum onto each other and bite and mark and spend all the time they possibly can together joined at the hip. absolute freaks about each other. living their best life <3)
I saw a similar idea on a different fandom but of course I have to JayTimify everything. Blue collar Jason Rich boy Timmy.
Jason who picked up working under the table construction from a young teen just to help Cat keep the lights on after Willis goes to prison (for whatever reason). He eventually becomes a lead at a legit company. They get hired to do some renovations at WE where Jason meets Tim.
Tim whose parents were close with the Wayne’s all Tim’s life so naturally when Tim graduates college he gets a job at WE working under Bruce. He oversees the construction and the moment he lays eyes on Jason during their first meeting he thinks ‘this will be mine.’
They become close and secretly start dating. Tim admires Jason’s hard work and never talks down on it. He finds it absolutely fascinating. Jason is confused as fuck at first because 1st. Tim 2nd. Why would someone like Tim be so interested in Jason. Together they work Tim gives Jason’s company first dibs on any new project around Gotham so they can make it the city it was ment to be.
Fast forward a year Jason’s crew has been making fun of him for his ‘secret’ girlfriend. Joking that she must be something for Jason to always have a good lunch, clothes clean no matter how dirty they get from a job, and not to mention the hickeys placed just high enough Jason can’t cover them.
One day Jason forgets his lunch so naturally Tim can’t allow his man to go hungry. During the lunch break the crew get nervous when a high end blacked out suv with dark tinted windows rolls up. Everyone thinks it’s one of their bosses and they think only Jason is brave enough to go investigate.
The window rolls down and Jason casually leans against the door uncaring of how dirty he is with a huge smile on his face. “Hey princess, what are you doing here?” He says loud enough for everyone to hear and their jaws drop when Tim smiles back. Tim’s hand grips the back of Jason’s nape to pull him into a short kiss before he turns and hold out Jason’s lunch.
“Can’t have you starving.” Tim says pointedly as Jason takes it. “Bruce’s birthday dinner won’t be until seven. You’ll still need to shower and change before we go.”
Jason kisses Tim again. “Thank you baby. How much time will we have? You think B would mind if we’re a few minutes late.” Tim rolls his eyes and shoves Jason out of the window before putting it back up and leaving.
“What the fuck was that?” One of Jason’s crew is finally brave enough to ask when he comes back.
“What? Oh my girlfriend brought my lunch.” Jason holds up the bag straight faced. The rest of the day is filled with whispers on how the hell did Jason bag Timothy Drake.

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tim sandwich
[After Kon dies...]
Tim, crying: I can't believe Superboy Prime killed Conner.
Dick: I know it's difficult but time will heal a broken heart.
Jason, holds up a brick: But not that bastard's window! Get in the car, Tim.
Dick: JASON!!
Jason: What? You told me that I need to help cheer up Tim.
[Later...]
Dick: So, how did it go?
Tim: Well, Jason's dating Prime now. It turns out our family have a type.
Dick: I'm not dating a Super.
Jason: You're also the only golden retriever in a family of cats.
i miss my father and daughter
Villain: At last! By killing the Wayne blood son, I’ll finally make a name for myself in the underground.
The Waynes, tied up in a warehouse: …
Damian: Hmph! You think someone as weak as you could- could…
The villain is pointing a gun at a mortified Jason.
Tim fucking loses it as Damian starts screaming bloody abuse in the background.
The paparazzi catches Bruce Wayne taking hospital-grade pain killers right before a gala and the rumor spreads like wildfire. Everybody from Blüdhaven to Central City starts gossiping about whether or not Bruce has finally succumb to party culture and become a drug addict. Bruce obviously doesn't care. If anything, it's better for his secret identity if people think he's too hooked on opioids to do anything vigilante-esque.
Problem is, Bruce has like 7 kids, a butler, and a journalist boyfriend who care about his dignity for him. While tabloid reporters are shoving their cameras in his face, asking how he could desecrate the memory of his parents by pushing pills, Dick kicks them in the stomach and rants about how you wouldn't be morphine free either if you went to work meetings with a broken collarbone. Everyone leaves the topic alone after that.

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Blah blah blah Batman on truth serum blablanla they take advantage of the situation to find out what the mysterious Bat actually thinks of them
Turns out he's the most neutral guy on the team. Someone will ask "But don't you hate Green Lantern?" Cuz the dude keeps trying to ragebait him but the dude just shrugs and goes "Eh. He's alright. Does his job decent enough." Gets asked "Is Clark the person you like to work with the most?" And all they get is "His skills are useful, much like everyone else's." (They asked "work with" not fuck—if he got asked that, it'd be a very different answer)
When asked why he's so damn lukewarm, Batman just says "We hang out sometimes, save the world most of the time, there are billions of people on earth I can't expect every single one to be just like me." Turns out he's just the most chill and open-minded dude and doesn't really take any of the offensive shit to heart cuz like, hello? He's got kids to raise and a city to save 24/7—who the hell has time for all that drama?
When one of the Batkids (Tim) asks who his favourite is, he says "depends on who's not actively trying to kill themselves at the moment." Then when asked who his least favourite is he says no one and then goes on a 20 minute tangent about how much he loves them, how much he adores them—it gets sappy and embarrassing real fast. He'd have gone on for much longer if the kids didn't beg him to stop talking.
Then when he's asked who he hates the most in general, the chill attitude drops real fast and he starts genuinely tweaking out about how much he fucking hates Lex Luthor—but not for the reasons they think.
Instead they learn that when they were 5 Lex, the little shit that he is, fucking pushed his head into his cake on his birthday and Bruce never forgot about it. Oliver's laughing his ass off cuz he specifically remembers this exact incident and at one point his 5-year old ass fell off his chair laughing.
Now Dick understands why during galas Lex would stay as far away as he could when Bruce is attending because whenever there's a cake nearby, Bruce would give him that look.
Bruce : How’s everyone doing?
Damian : I’m breathing.
Dick : Setting the bar pretty low, huh?
Jason : Well, in his defense, he's better than Tim.
Tim, having a panic attack : Honestly? Fuck you guys.
Kid Bruce telling his parents and Alfred that one day he'll have a big family, so they'll never be lonely and always have each other.
Teenage Bruce who tells Alfred that he'll never bring children into this world and that he doesn't want or need a family of his own.
Young adult Bruce, who secretly longs for someone special to come home to but chooses to focus solely on Batman.
Mid twenties Bruce suddenly deciding to take in a child because he doesn't want anyone else to end up like him.
Middle-aged Bruce, who sits back and admires the family he tried so hard to not let himself have.
Bruce introducing his kids to the justice League:
Bruce: and he's my third son-
Hal: so your telling me that you adopted an acrobat that somehow became the heir to the court of owls, a street kid who died, came back to life, became a villan and is now a vigilante, your neighbour who found you when u were lost in time and brought you back to life, and who was the last one? oh yeah, the child of Lady Shiva and David fucking Cain.
Hal: what's next? You babysit for the league of assasins too?
Bruce:
Dick:
Clark:
Damian:
on comms, during a stakeout ,,probably:
Tim: okay so i think a moment that REALLY shaped my brain was reading a superbat hate-love fanfic a week before becoming robin and then years later learning that Jason was the author and the reason the updates stopped was because he died. Jason: i only wrote it was cause bruce pissed me off a lot , i had started one where i made him get pregnant , it was a batman x bruce wayne too,,,,,, i wonder if i still have the draft somewhere.. Barbara: you know what. this explains why you two are they way that you are Dick: was it batman or bruce that was pregnant? Jason: why do you want to know..? Barbara: answer the question, coward

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Dick: look dami, think of tim like... remember how a few months ago you rescued this injured opossum? try to think of tim like that opossum
Damian: you mean the one that we found in the garbage bin that had rabies, was malnourished and had to get his left hind leg amputated?
Jason: and was fucking ugly and stank
Dick: shut up jason yes! it was super cute, remember?
Damian: if you're trying to use my weakness for small abandoned ungainly animals against me—which is not a weakness—then you're wrong, for nothing about drake even remotely resembles a—
Tim: (digging through the kitchen's trash) has anyone seen my leftover muffins? they were only 2 weeks old, they were perfectly fine
Damian: stares at him in silence
Damian: starts to very subtly tear up
Jason: wheezes