暖陽

Damian: you mean the one that we found in the garbage bin that had rabies, was malnourished and had to get his left hind leg amputated?

Jason: and was fucking ugly and stank

Dick: shut up jason yes! it was super cute, remember?

Damian: if you're trying to use my weakness for small abandoned ungainly animals against me—which is not a weakness—then you're wrong, for nothing about drake even remotely resembles a—

Tim: (digging through the kitchen's trash) has anyone seen my leftover muffins? they were only 2 weeks old, they were perfectly fine

Damian: stares at him in silence

Damian: starts to very subtly tear up

dick grayson not knowing he's actually gay and the reason his heterosexual relationships never last isn't because his love isn't enough it's because his love towards women is platonic and deeply queen to queen coded

dick grayson doesn't need therapy (he does) he needs dick (cheap pun very much intended)

batfamily's reaction of him finally entertaining the thought of being gay would go something like this...

tim: so all these years you just told yourself something is inherently wrong with you and you never just simply questioned your sexuality? understandable have a nice day

jason: that's because he hates himself so much, if he came out, he'd automatically be homophobic

barbara: I already knew and waited for you to figure it out in your own terms I'm sorry dickie but god the way you finger is akin a gay man fingering their lesbian bestie after a bad breakup for emotional support

steph: finally :') that nice ass won't go to waste

bruce: opens up his powerpoint presentation on safe gay sex

duke: say what? ain't no way your flamboyant poses and entrances until now were the heterosexual version because—(wheezes)

damian: I used to think those dramatic coming out videos jon watches and cries over were overly pretentious, but I digress, now I understand the stigma of societal heterosexual expectations is a serious force to be reckoned with...

cass: queer always welcome and safe

alfred: ah yes maybe this would be quite a lovely timing to imply that I've not been but a simple butler to the waynes, well to simply say, dear martha has never been shy to share her husband with me

jason: babs I need you to connect me to everyone except for tim asap

barbara, intrigued: connected

jason: I need all of you in the batcave without telling tim stat something happened

everyone including batman makes it into the batcave in record speed

dick: what? what happened to tim?! is he OK?? jason I swear to god if—

damian: todd this better be worth my time because I literally swung past a non-compromised drake while making haste

jason, in one breath: I think tim killed someone and needs my help to take care of the corpse and I need you guys to know I did not help him with the murder

everyone is too shocked or confused to speak

bruce: hn. explain.

jason: he phoned me 30 minutes ago and he said he wanted to meet up with me, alone, without telling you guys, because he needed help with something

cass, signing: that's it?

jason: what do you mean that's it? he never fucking ever calls me for something personal he can only trust me with!

steph: jason, unless you specifically told him your ways of bonding with someone is by the means of corpse removal, maybe he just wants to spend some time with you

jason: then why the fuck did he not want me telling you guys?

barbara: because tim has the emotional constipation that rivals bruce's and would not want to be teased about it?

jason: ... fuck. you're right

duke: aight, can we figure out fast if this is still an emergency because I ain't losing sleep over this and I'm the only one that patrols during the day, something y'all keep forgetting

bruce: (bad at not showing his annoyance at being called away from patrol for this bullshit) what was the last thing you both talked about that might've prompted his trust in you specifically?

jason: fuck if I know, nothing really... tried to be more casual with him and talked about a recent fling I had with a guy—

steph: bingo! you literally indirectly came out as gay or bi—congratulations by the way—to him, jason! he needs relationship advice, aha!

damian, groaning: someone incapacitate me, I do not want to imagine two of my brothers talking about coitus of any kind

jason: but I'm not the only god damn queer in this household, he could've went to dick about this and it would've been less awkward!

steph, gasps: you can't say that jason! dick needs his time to come out to us, how dare you expose him!

dick: wait what, come out about what?

jason: steph, the only person dick has not come out to yet is himself