building a kingdom in a soul requires desire

the battle between wanting to unravel more of this weird murder (?) mystery and... nightfall

had a conversation today that i just have not been able to get past, partly because it happened right at the end of the workday and followed me into the evening, and partly because i have been having a string of conversations with the same person for days now, and he keeps talking like we're in the same place, and i know we're not. he's not hearing me at all. today he came to me in a bluster, demanding backing on a thing, even though all the words would read like he was setting expectations. the thing is, if you are not in a position of authority, you don't really get to do that, because it's not in your gift to do so. but also, thinking about it, the jist came down to if i cannot do this, this will be the outcome. fine. sure. well enough if you agree with the underlying logic which, let's say, is between two plates. but the other implication, however unintended, was that if his demands were not met - if the "boundaries" he was setting were not respected - he would not do the task ascribed to him. except he desperately wants to do the task because he believes there is prestige attached to it, and he wants his flowers. this is Not Great for him, because i am not party to fuckery. if it serves the need to just put him outside proceedings, i will just do that. maybe then he'll hear me.