FILTH

I’m so glad you asked! Let me list off what I’ve got for you:

Books I personally recommend:

- The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

If you’re having kinky sex at all, you need to read at least one of these two books. Point blank. They’ll teach you the very basics of negotiating properly (which is critical!), and help you identify what you are and aren’t into.

- Mindfucking Mindfully, by Sir Ezra Where this book really shines isn’t actually in helping you “mindfuck” people, it’s in taking a close look at how to do so ethically. It’s a great answer to the question “how do I get someone to consent to something and still surprise and shock them with it?”

- Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny This is a slightly niche pick but there simply isn’t a better book on the subject. It’s written from a 24/7 M/s perspective, which is not what I do, but the book itself is an indispensable guide to giving and receiving service. The phrase “if the Master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service” will be burned into my psyche for quite some time. I love this book a lot. Maybe my favorite out of all of these.

- Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation, by Princess Kali This one’s high on my reading list; I’ve heard it recommended by a number of people whose opinions on these things I trust.

- Pretty Much Anything Midori Has Ever Done Midori is a great resource for this stuff - I haven’t personally read much of her work, but she’s a well known sex educator and great at what she does. She’s known for bondage, but has a lot of range beyond that.

- This Negotiations Worksheet from Bex Talks Sex This is what I default to using a lot of the time for negotiations. Forget BDSMtest, you don’t need that, it’s no good. Just look through this worksheet’s wordbank with your partner. Big fan especially of the “how do you want to feel?” section.

Books I can kind of recommend:

- The Ultimate Guide to Kink, edited by Tristan Taormino This book is weird. There’s a lot of good info for experienced players, but some of what’s written here skeeves me out. I think if I had a top that thought the way some of the tops in here think, they would not be topping me for long. But there’s some good techniques and so on to pick up that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I liked the distinction one of the authors makes between being sadistic in the sense of inflicting pain and being sadistic in the sense of doing something your sub doesn’t “enjoy.”

- The Ritual of Dominance and Submission, by David English Man, this book fucking sucks. The writing and editing are garbage, and the fear and protocol play described need way more careful negotiation than he ever lets on, let alone recommends. This is some 50 Shades bullshit. The only time I recommend this book is to tops like me who tend to be very affirming to their partners and need a guide on how to really scare them - when their partner consents and when you negotiate it, which this book sucks at teaching you. Really good content on fear, punishment, and protocol play, really terrible presentation of the topic though. Don’t read this if you don’t already know what you’re doing.

- Paradigms of Power, by Raven Kaldera I love this book. Great book. Very focused on 24/7 M/s play though, and, being an anthology, some chapters are better than others. If you can’t read something and pick out what is and isn’t for you, don’t bother. But some really great inspiration, and generally pretty well written. Big fan of the discussion of leather throughout the book.

Small details to remember or add for writing if you want to bring in some more imagery during a wetting scene :)

Couldn’t Hold It Wetting: 

- Often the legs will go weak, and if not trembling possibly sinking to knees or even shifting feet around slightly to keep control of stance. 

- If legs weaken they may try to hold unto something to stand, possibly leaning against a wall or grabbing unto a table or person 

- Glances down at/away from their accident, often back and forth and quickly 

- Gasps or sighs of surprise from sudden wetting, possible inward groans*  

- A total loss of control usually has the urine jet out of them all at once and the patch will spread quickly and noisily 

- Loud hissing and pattering unto the floor  

- World will slow for them and chances are they’ll remain stuck until their accident is over. Very hard to move while wetting, especially during a full loss of control

- Clumsy and weak before/after an accident. Character may struggle walking or speaking. A lot of trembling and fumbling around.  

- Wherever the urine goes is where it goes. It’s a full loss of control, there is no set area for urine to spread. It’s everywhere.

- Forceful and fast wetting will splatter more

- Once the bladder has less pressure the wetting may start to slow down and be less forceful 

- Shoulders and breathing start to relax over time*  

- Loss for words until accident is almost over/or over with the exception of soft uneven breathing 

Fear Wetting: 

- Skin growing pale/clammy

- Trembling legs/hands (Or completely still hands - palms get very sweaty) 

- Stuttering and voice quiet if they talk  

- Buckling knees* 

- Widened unblinking eyes, possible tears starting to form (Alternatively, eyes clenched shut) If tears happen they’ll likely roll down the cheeks very gently. No real sobbing or bawling would tend to occur until they’re out of their frozen state. 

-Quivering bottom lip  

- Frozen body 

- Patch on the clothing spreads in a slow creep rather than all at once like in a sudden accidental wetting 

- Light pattering sound from the slow wetting, chances are it’ll continue as they remain still for a while 

- Swallowing (throat feels closed and like something is stuck in it) and sniffling 

- Pitiful glances at feared thing or towards someone else  

- Possibly backing/turning away from feared thing, shoes squishing or splashing in puddle, shoulders stiff and chest feeling tight 

- How afraid they are will determine how much attention goes to the wetting, the more afraid the less they’ll notice it 

Laughter Wetting: 

- Uneven and forceful spurts with laughter. Think of putting your thumb on a strong hose that’s turned on and sliding it on and off. 

- Struggling to breathe and throat might go squeaky and voice can go lighter or higher pitched. 

- Second most likely to notice and mention the wetting while it occurs, next to the half-finished stage of the accidental wetting person. May or may not be amused by it 

-  If amused by the wetting, they’ll laugh more and wet faster. If unhappy about wetting, they may try to stop laughing and stop wetting. Both will be hard to control.

- Laughter may or may not stop before wetting finishes.

- Gasping for air and trying to grab unto something because an amused person may buckle into themselves or twist towards the side. If standing and buckling inwards often hands go up toward chest or face and go knees forward 

- Pretty mobile and might move their feet slightly around 

- Tears streaming down their face. If blushing occurs it likely occurs firstly because of the struggle to breathe while laughing

-  Shaking shoulders from laughter 

- Potentially struggling to stop in between laughter which makes them laugh more. 

- Urine pattering will be randomly heard and forceful. Likely to splash everywhere. 

- Skin will be warm all over mainly in the face, hands, arms, and chest (and of course their legs  (  ͡°  ͜ʖ  ͡°) ) 

Embarrassment Signs: 

- Blushing and warmth in face, ears, neck, and possibly arms and hands - Can also have a thin layer of sweat and clamminess in arms and hands. If cold areas and warm areas occur at the same time, it can make the person feel a little sick - Feeling of wetting is the strongest thing they’ll feel. From the bladder pressure to each small stream that courses down 

- Covering the mouth/face often.  - Avoiding eye contact/possibly blinking back tears   - Swallowing and struggling to speak either to defend themselves or apologize  - May try to hide their accident even if not hide-able - May smile or laugh nervously - If very ashamed lips may tighten into a straight line and the lower lip may tremble   - Tucking into oneself, hands cross unto arms and head facing the floor  -  May try to get away from others and make self alone  - May fidget and pick at their clothing  - May stammer when speaking 

* General Details:  

if you are being pissed on

very very minimal safety risks here

close those eyes baby! the second piss is anywhere near the face— close your eyes. that shit stings. have you ever had cum in your eye? it’s like that, but way harder to wipe off.

try not to do this with any fresh piercings, new tattoos, open wounds, or anything else that’s begging to get infected

if you are ingesting urine

what medications is your partner on? can they be passed through urine? (most likely they can be— in very trace amounts. but those trace amounts can be important to be aware of depending on your situation)

has your partner recently ingested something (medication, food, etc) that you are allergic to? or something that interacts with your meds? if they have, is it worth that risk?

has your partner recently taken any drugs? can they be passed through urine? (most likely they can be— in very trace amounts. those trace amounts may or may not be enough to cause a reaction, and may or may not be enough to fail a drug test <- has happened to people!)

on one non-safety note… you’re probably not going to love the taste of piss. regardless. you might! but most do not. it’s piss. really well hydrated piss can be very enjoyable (I like it a lot!), really dehydrated piss might make you puke. diet changes the taste— just like cum, but more directly. coffee, asparagus, lots of meat… all things that can make it particularly strong (and some people love that! some people do that on purpose! but I would maybe not… start there). lots of juice + lots and lots of water can make it very mild. medications and supplements can change the taste. lots of people anecdotally like the way beer or diet soda makes it taste. first piss of the day is considerably stronger and more unpleasant than any other time.

if you are doing internal pissing (anal)

if you are getting it straight from the tap (penis or funneled in): minimal to no risk. pee is not sterile! urine is not sterile. but you’re not gonna run into a ton of issues here. the real concern is if you’re dealing with abnormal abrasions, likely from particularly rough anal sex, you’re going to be more at risk for infection. keep an eye on it, take a shower, etc. you’re probably all good.

if you are getting a larger volume than one normal pee (bottle, etc, any amount of built-up fluid from multiple pees): this is less a safety risk and more just a heads up. chances are this will kind of accidentally enema you. and then you will shit. pretty immediately. if you’ve done a ton of anal prep (including enema) beforehand, you’re likely going to be fine.

if you are doing internal pissing (vaginal)

now we’re looking at pH balances. urine is more basic than the natural flora of a vaginal ecosystem, which can cause problems.

if you are prone to UTIs, yeast infections, or bacterial vaginosis, you should probably prepare for that. if that’s the risk you’d like to take, that’s your choice! but if your pH balance is delicate, piss is absolutely going to disrupt it.

even if you’re not prone, the risk for all of the above is there!

PEE. AFTER. BEING. PEED IN. please 😚 you’ll save yourself so much trouble. and I mean pee, don’t just evacuate the foreign piss. if you’re not already peeing after sex in general… start now!

if you’re doing any kind of holding:

any long-term holding (and I mean, like, having holding your pee for long periods of time become a part of your life for years) can result in slight to moderate incontinence (leaking) and weakened pelvic floor muscles. make sure you’re doing pelvic floor exercises! it’s best to sometimes give yourself an extended break from a holding kink, but I won’t tell you what to do.

there’s no real One Answer for “how long is it okay to hold at one time?”, but it’s better to do high hydration/stronger desperation/shorter hold than it is to do low hydration/less need to pee/longer hold, for hydration purposes. the longer you hold, the more you are at risk for UTIs and potentially bladder infections (cystitis, a kind of UTI). bladder infections have a chance of becoming kidney infections. no, there’s no One Set Time, but no, it’s not safe to hold all day either. listen to your body as best you can.

find your limits and set them. I’m prone to UTIs (and have a weak bladder), so I have different levels of “okay to hold”. I have found the maximum amount of water and its correlating hold times that work for me— and hold time is never over an hour. that’s my risk profile.

if you’re wetting

sitting in your wet mess can be fun and humiliating, but can also cause rashes. I literally cannot speak to diaper instances, I have no experience there, but most fabrics will start to be uncomfortable while wet after a while, and sitting in your piss can cause chafing, rashes, skin irritation… and again, sitting in pissed in underwear (or garments close to the genitalia) can cause UTIs + yeast infections, especially in vulvas.