stressed out 24/7

for Roast Adam Birkholtz Day:

nursey: i heard a rumour dex is a virgin

nursey: i heard that you had your socks on though actually so it doesn’t count

Jack: Ten years ago I convinced an acquaintance of mine that I had no idea what SNL was. Today I’m hosting.

things i honest to god believed were canon at one point:

op. op i hate to break it to you but holster is canonically jewish.

okay but an AU in which bitty is the one who almost went pro/was on an olympic track for figure skating, before anxiety and an overdose derailed him. and he ended up at samwell feeling like it was a punishment but meets au jack who is a little more lighthearted and just wanted to go to college before NHL (which his parents supported, even if bad bob didnt quite understand and made sure he understood it wasnt certain) but still works harder than god and can be a little bit of a hockey robot. even so, he jokes around more with shitty, lardo, rans and holtz, and is one of the funnier guys on the team. he still helps bitty with checking, but bitty doesnt hang out at the haus all the time because he doesnt feel like he belongs. he uses the student kitchens to bake until some teammate finds him asleep at a gross student kitchen table at like 3 am and convinces him to come hang at the haus. he doesnt really do kegsters because of the issues with substancies/alcohol and his anxiety, but jack starts enticing him into hanging out for a few of them. bitty has an ex who comes to visit and try and get him to come back to train again in atlanta, and jack overhears. jack knows about his crush and has accepted it, even though he thinks it's unrequited. bitty, on the other hand, is so focused on just getting through school and hockey and this whole stage of his life that he doesnt notice until jack graduates, right after buying him a whole oven. bitty almost lets him go, but at the last second misses his airport shuttle to run and find jack in faber one last time, about to leave with george and his parents. he kisses jack in the locker room, once twice three times. says "i'll text you." samwell starts to feel less like punishment and more like home and family. bitty realizes that he loves hockey more than he thought possible. he realizes he loves his teammates more than he thought possible. he gets elected captain. he realizes this is where he was meant to be all along. instead of jack kissing him at the stanley cup game, bitty kisses jack on center ice after they win the ncaa championship.