headstrong and foolhardy medieval king: never shall I bend the knee!!!
physical therapist: okay well if you keep lifting with your back you are just going to get hurt again your majesty

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@michkit
headstrong and foolhardy medieval king: never shall I bend the knee!!!
physical therapist: okay well if you keep lifting with your back you are just going to get hurt again your majesty

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There are a couple but I wish there were more fics of Scott & Kip becoming parents. Can we get a little something portraying them as dads? I hc that when Scott & Kip do welcome a baby, Shane will go out of his way and send the couple a personalized baby gift (because that's what Shane does and also, he respects Scott a lot) and Ilya's all like "Really, Shane? Must you?? Send them both bibs, the grandpa will probably fall asleep before the baby does", in jk mode of course LOL
i love them so much but I, too, am kind of 50/50 on them having kids at all. sometimes i like it, sometimes i don't. but i DO really enjoy writing them as older parents :) thank you for the prompt!!! <3
send me prompts for non-hollanov gc couples :)
-
"Shane and Rozanov sent us a gift," Scott says from the kitchen counter.
"Oh?" Kip glances over his shoulder, which is currently adorned with a burp cloth and Oliver's little head, which Kip is cradling gently in his palm. "Open it."
Scott grabs scissors from the kitchen drawer, carefully cutting the package open. Inside the cardboard box is a layer of high-quality, shimmery silk paper which Scott peels back to find a hand-written card.
He picks it up, reading aloud to Kip (and Oliver).
"Dear Scott & Kip, congratulations on the birth of your first baby Oliver Benjamin Hunter-Grady." Scott gives his husband and baby a soft smile; Kip smiles back, kissing Ollie's little head. "Bringing a new life into this world is an undescribable feeling - we should know, we've done it twice - smiley face." Scott scoffs. "Show-offs."
Kip rolls his eyes with a laugh. "Keep reading."
"We hope you find this gift from us useful when the sleeplessness and the stress of having a newborn plague you. This model is tried, tested and baby-approved. We sincerely wish you all the best for this new and exciting phase of your life and are looking forward to meeting little Oliver in the future. Love, Shane and Ilya with Anastasia, Emilija and Anya."
"That's so sweet," Kip sighs softly.
"Yes, and not a single dig at my age," Scott grins, carefully setting the card aside. Under it, he finds a beautifully wrapped bundle of cloth in blue and brown. When he lifts it up, it reveals itself to be a baby carrier.
Kip gasps, loud enough to startle Oliver. He quickly soothes him again, rocking him back and forth with wide eyes. "This the baby carrier I told you about!" he hisses, trying to keep calm in his excitement.
"The one which is made from, like, one single alpaca in the Bolivian mountains who gets daily deep conditioning treatments?" Scott asks. He runs his hand over the carrier; it IS very soft.
"It's four thousand fucking dollars!" Kip whispers.
"Oh, wow." Scott rubs it against his cheek; okay, it's very, very soft. "It even has Oliver's name embroidered on it."
"Gosh, this is so cute and thoughtful." Kip approaches, reaching for it, feeling the fabric with his palm. There are tears swimming in his eyes, and Scott reaches out for him, wrapping his arm around his hip. The hormone situation is still very up-and-down at the moment.
"We need to call them later and thank them," Kip sniffles. Oliver gurgles on his shoulder, trying to lift his tiny head. Scott reaches out for him, and Kip gently hands him off. It's trippy, the way their baby just fits into Scott's palms so easily, how tiny he is, and yet, how alive. And sometimes, how loud.
"There's more." Kip reaches out, removing the rest of the silky paper. He lets out a little "Ha!" at the small card he pulls out from under it. "Uber Eats giftcard." He turns it around, reads the back. "Wow. One thousand dollar Uber Eats giftcard." He holds it out to Scott. "My god. Is this how life is when both people in a marriage are millionaires?"
Scott snorts. "Evidently."
"It says, 'this was Ilya's idea' on the back." Kip chuckles, showing the writing to Scott.
Oliver, nuzzled into Scott's chest, is slowly drifting off to sleep now, and Scott holds him tightly. He'll sit down on the couch in a minute, or his back muscles will kill him later.
"This is a very thoughtful gift," Kip says, carefully folding the baby carrier again. "And probably the first card which didn't talk about how inspiring we are."
Scott laughs. "They know the struggle."
"They do," Kip agrees, then sighs, rubbing his face. He's shirtless safe for the burp cloth, and there's a milk stain on his sweatpants. Scott is so in love with him.
"D'you want to go shower? I've got him," he offers, and Kip lets out a grateful hum.
"That would be heavenly." Kip leans forward and presses a kiss to Scott's lips.
"Take your time," Scott tells him.
"Oh, I will."
There's this scene in Friends where the girls are talking about which one of them they'd pick to date and Monica and Rachel are both like "I don't think I could choose I like you both equally :)" and Phoebe automatically goes "Rachel".
Anyway, I think Shane, Hayden and JJ get into this conversation only it's the other two asking Shane "which one of us would you date if you had to pick" expecting him to say he couldn't choose or (more likely) he doesn't want to be with anyone but Ilya.
Except Shane, without thinking, says "JJ".
And then he has to immediately backpedal because Hayden's looking at him like he just spat in his face and JJ's going "Mon Capitaine I had no idea you felt this way ~ 😏😘" and now Shane's stuck reassuring Hayden that he's very good looking, I promise and yes, I'm sure you're great in bed we really don't need to call Jackie, it's just that JJ's more obviously sexy - wait no I didn't mean it like - sure, you're sexy too, Hayden - and Hayden's going "Sure??"
And meanwhile JJ's batting his eyes at Shane like "So does Rozanov know you're in love with me? 😚🤭"
happy pride
I enjoy a joke about fucked up German fairy tales as much as the next nerd, but it's genuinely striking how often the source for the really fucked up stuff turns out to be "yeah, this is only in the Brothers Grimm version and doesn't appear in any extant oral tradition, and we're like 80% sure they added it themselves". To a large extent it's not German fairy tales that are fucked up, it's two specific German dudes.
in retrospect we probably should have given the fairy tale writing to the Brothers Happy instead

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teeth are the horses of the body
ohhh look at me i’m not bones i’m Special Bones. i need Special Bone Expensive Insurance. sometimes the Special Bone Expensive Doctor just goes “yeah that’s fucked up” and you have to pay him anyway. don’t brush? gums recede. brush too hard? gums also recede. don’t floss? problems. floss? still problems! sometimes i’ll just break and die for no reason. lots of them at the kentucky derby
if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"
Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!
So...how much of the bad discourse surrounding Steven Universe is just because people were really hoping that the Gems would beat up Andy DeMayo in "Gem Harvest"?
I was astonished to learn that there was controversy around this episode, because I felt like it was just kind of a normal children's cartoon about getting along with difficult relatives; and then I looked it up and learned that it had the extremely inauspicious timing of airing right after Trump's 2016 victory, and, yeah, okay, I can understand why a children's fantasy about reconciling with your obnoxious conservative relatives and getting them to accept your alternate family structure would play rather poorly at the time.
I think that Rebecca Sugar probably assumed, like most of the world that wasn't my specific flavour of extremely online in 2016, that Clinton would crush Trump and that this episode would maybe help to smooth over divisions; but of course what ended up happening is that an episode about how you should be empathetic towards your bigoted relatives ended up airing just as your bigoted relatives were going around victoriously hate-criming people in the street.
Watching it now, though, it ends up feeling wistful more than anything. Like, yeah, sure, it doesn't work like that, and we all know that now...But wouldn't it be nice if it did? It feels like a pleasant dream.
Steven Universe is fundamentally a power fantasy—but the fantasy is being able to get through to people and heal things. The power is love instead of strength.
"Like, yeah, sure, it doesn't work like that, and we all know that now...But wouldn't it be nice if it did?" Yeah....
French-Iranian author and illustrator Marjane Satrapi, best known for the book and film “Persopolis”, has died of "sadness", members of her
This one hurt, her work had such a profound effect on my life, thoughts, and politics.
May her memory be a blessing
not even funny how true this is for me

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Cute activities to do for Pride Month 🌈🏳️🌈:
Attend a parade!
Rip up paving stones to build a barricade!
Use guerilla tactics to counter the forces of the national guard!
Die in the radiance of the future and enter a tomb all flooded with the dawn!
my ferret has anime eyes
ilya voice . marly is ok is not gay unless our balls touch. marly voice right on brother good to know !
English sauce I'm cryinggggg
holster to jack after hearing what jacks major is

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hilarious things happening in newark new jersey
hello pwhl expansion teams. you may be considering making an offer to one Lady Ozzy, as her affections appear to be unclaimed as of yet. however, i regret to inform you that while she will of course be flattered by your proposal, she simply must graciously decline. while the offer has not been made official as of this moment, her glove has already been promised to The Greatest City In The World (newark, new jersey), who would of course be heartbroken if she were to break off the engagement and become betrothed to another suitor. deepest apologies, but these are simply the rules. ❤️ if anyone tells you otherwise or implies Ozzy is seeking offers they are speaking naught but lies. ❤️
~definitely the actual new york sirens