care bear stare but it kills you instantly

got my new boyfriend from Ikea. Unfortunately he's made of particle board and with a single thrust of my hips I broke him into five pieces

‘how would other people describe you’ why would i know this

you used to call me on my hands-free talking glove

I’m just wondering how they can possibly market this as hands-free

from the bottom of my fucking heart. how are we supposed to live under these conditions.

environmental storytelling.

Slutty cow print clothes being sold only in sizes that wouldn't fit on a fat bitch is some kinda twisted structurally enforced stolen valor type shit.

white vegans will text their friends stupid shit like do you want cheeseburger salad or sushi bowls for dinner and neither option is what it sounds like at all

meals so strange they snap the trader joes man out of his niceness trance when he asks “what are you making with this” and you say “sushi bowls..kind of” and he says “with fish???” And you say “no with tofu and um. Vegetables” and he says “oh…okay”

Cheeseburger salad wins 🏆

white vegans will text their friends stupid shit like do you want cheeseburger salad or sushi bowls for dinner and neither option is what it sounds like at all

meals so strange they snap the trader joes man out of his niceness trance when he asks “what are you making with this” and you say “sushi bowls..kind of” and he says “with fish???” And you say “no with tofu and um. Vegetables” and he says “oh…okay”