The problem wasn’t what I had access to. It was that I didn’t have access to a safe adult I could actually talk to; someone I could trust to help me without immediately cutting me off from everything and everyone. I remember getting messages from strangers on Skype. I didn’t even respond. But when my parents found out, they banned me from using it entirely. That meant losing most of my contact with friends outside of school. So what did I do? I went behind their backs. And once I was hiding, I couldn’t tell them when something actually dangerous was happening, like when I started being groomed. By the time things escalated, I was already alone with it.

I think about an episode of Scared Straight where a girl was dragged through a prison because she’d been talking to adult men online. She wasn’t doing that because she was reckless or malicious; she was lonely. Her parents weren’t present, she was being bullied at school, and these men gave her attention, told her she was pretty, told her she mattered. She was already being harmed. And the adults in her life responded by terrorizing her. Humiliating her. Calling her a slut. Telling her she deserved it. Breaking her to pieces.

What lesson does that actually teach? Not “this is dangerous, come to us.” It teaches: If you get hurt, we will hurt you more. Do you really think that makes her stop, or does it just make the predators look safer by comparison? They might as well have driven her straight into the jaws of those predators with torches and pitchforks. Because when every path back to safety is lined with punishment, kids don’t run away from danger. They run deeper into it.

If you want kids to be safe, stop treating them like problems to control and start treating them like people worth protecting. Stop ripping away their autonomy the second they make a mistake or encounter something risky. Stop teaching them that honesty will cost them everything.

I have gotten so much shit over the years for saying that if my kid read fiction or anything else online that she wasn't ready to see, I'd check in with her on how she was doing mentally and emotionally, and then talk to her about how she saw it, and how to avoid seeing things that she didn't want to see in the future. People have portrayed this as me being A-OK with my kid being exposed to anything willy-nilly, no matter how out-there, both bc I wouldn't have punished her and because I didn't see "my kid got access to something Too Mature For Her online" as a reason to sanitize the internet.

But here's the thing: I've dealt with situations like that more than once. Now, my daughter is in her mid-twenties at this point, and we're far past the question of "can she look at naughty fanfic online?" Clearly she can and whether she does is so not my business. But back in the day, she ran into stuff she didn't want to see more than once, she ran into people who bullied her, she had some experiences that put up my hackles for her safety, she had someone try to steal her identity...

... and none of those things became critical issues. Why?

Because she knew that she could come and talk to me. She knew she could come and talk to me and that my first thought wasn't going to be "oh, you're Bad and In Trouble and I'm going to Punish You so that you're Good next time," but "You have a Problem and we're going to solve it together so that in the future, you know how to solve it yourself, and you know that if you need my help, I will absolutely help you."

And when one of her problems was "I've figured out that I'm a girl and I need your help making my body stop doing the wrong puberty for me," she came to me then, too. And when one of her problems was "I'm having a Weird Symptom that could be nothing or could be Something Big," she came to me, too. And—crucially—all of those things are the same thing, at the core.

My kid had a Problem. She needed my help. There were times when we had to have conversations afterwards about the consequences of the things she might have done, but my first priority was always making sure she was okay, and that she knew that if she had a Problem, my first concern is always going to be helping her fix it.

And you know what? She still calls me if she needs to talk through her problems. These days it's more, "Hey, I don't know what to do about this problem at work," but she still calls me.

Someday, I'm not going to be around anymore to help her fix things, and in anticipation of that fact, it is and was my job to equip her with the tools she'll need to take care of herself when I can't help her anymore. If I'm not teaching her how to deal with things, if I'm cutting her off from resources, if I'm not actually there for helping her solve the problems, all I'm doing is setting her up for a future where her parents are gone and she doesn't know how to fix shit, because we didn't teach her.

(x)

There are a few major points in Country Music’s history that got the entire genre labeled as ‘annoying’

Post 9/11 nationalism

A term that I couldn’t make up “Bro-Country” which intensifies themes of booze, objectifying women, and partying that were present in past decades but not to such an extent

This is Gospel Music But With an Accent

Now looking at the songs op listed there is

A woman pleading to another woman

A woman wrecking a shitheads life

A guy loving the scenery of where he lived

A song that could easily be mistaken for a number of other genres

80s country - power ballads

90s country - pop crossover

This is a mature female spider of the Nephila genus. I’m not sure the exact species, but members of this genus are also known as “golden silk orb weavers.” Their yellow-orange silk can be used to make golden cloth, like in this tapestry.

The bite of a Nephila isn’t serious. Wikipedia describes the worst case scenario - localized pain or a more severe allergic reaction - but most bitten will only experience a little itching. Like any spider, they only bite in self defense or when forcibly pressed against skin, and these big females are especially docile. I’ve held a related species on two occasions, they don’t scare very easily.

They’re so laid back, in fact, and so insistent on remaining in the same web, that these are the spiders some cultures have used as mosquito guards, deliberately setting them up to spin webs in open windows or over the top of a baby’s crib.

(article from screenshots)

also while im here Enemy (the arcane song) is also about queer mormon kids <3

(Frankly I don’t even necessarily think they’re bad, sound wise, either. But I guess music is subjective so if you disagree that’s your right, just don’t treat it as some kind of unilateral truth)

My cousin (who is a christian fundamentalist and a massive homophobe) once mocked me for liking the band as an atheist because they’re religious, and I just went silent because I didn’t feel like getting into an argument, but

Like

Dan Reynolds has been an outspoken ally for a while.

“Believer” is about queer religious trauma. “Love” is about queer acceptance. He called out Eminem over homophobia. He was part of the Loveloud Festival, that raised over a million dollars for queer charities like the Trevor Project.

In court that day, the judge asked the boy, “Are you afraid?” No, the boy said.

Pipes says the judge seemed surprised, and asked, “Why not?”

Chief’s thesis was that a child who has been abused by an adult can benefit psychologically from the presence of even more intimidating adults that they know are on their side. “When we tell a child they don’t have to be afraid, they believe us,” Arizona biker Pipes told azcentral.com. “When we tell them we will be there for them, they believe us.” ( Article)

They go on runs to protect the child if they feel even the slightest threatened no matter where. If the child needs them to go on vacation with them, they do. Bikers come from across the nation to watch over and take shifts for these kids. And the best part is once you’re adopted into this family as a BACA kid, you’re always one. Even when you’re 40 and the perp gets released from jail, they’ll come meet with you and find your best options for avoiding the person and maintaining the life you’ve built for yourself. Once a BACA child, always a BACA child. In Florida, there’s 100% rate for identifying the perp based on the child’s testimony. Why? Because BACA stands with the child and supports the child so they feel comfortable enough to point out their attacker.

They’re in Canada as well and probably other countries. I met and talked with a native guy who runs the place near me. His name is Shaman. I got in, and I’m considered a BACA child now. Despite being 17, turning 18 when I talked to them. They spent time with me when my abuser was over, they gave me therapy resources. They give you something called a ‘level 1′ where they go to your house with as many bikers as they can, i shit you not a solid 20-40 bikers came from even out of province, and met me. I got to choose my biker name and I got a vest with patches on it and my name on it. They all hugged a Teddybear before giving it to me, and told me if I ever felt the BACA bear was running out of love, to give them a call and they’d refill it for me, and then I got a ride on one of their bikes. Just a day or so ago I went to an annual party with them and they we ate food one of them cooked and had a lot of laughs. 

I’ve never felt as loved as I did being a part of the BACA family. They also gave me dog tags with the names, and phone numbers of my 2 workers.  So I can call them whenever I feel scared. 

BACA is an absolutely wonderful group that will do everything in it’s power to help any child whos been abused. 

And it doesn’t end when you’re 18 either. As long as you get in contact/get your level 1 before you’re 18? you’re ALWAYS a BACA kid. I’m 18 now and they still invite me to parties, ask me if I’m okay, and are there for me. They’re still trying to find me resources for therapy. 

BACA has changed my fucking life. 

United States

Canada

Australia

Belgium

Denmark

Germany

Spain

France

Italy

Netherlands

Iceland

Austria

Greece

New Zealand

Portugal

Sweden

United Kingdom

Switzerland

B.A.C.A’s Byline: “Keepers of the Children.” B.A.C.A.’s Motto: “No child deserves to live in fear.”