Turtles

I do stuff and things, and am unique like everyone else. So unique. Very normal. I write, play games, draw, play more games, work, play all the games to distract my brain from the demons that lurk in the darkness waiting for me to drop my guard- um. Games are fun! I do crochet, play games, work on programs, play games, craft, play games, dream of alternate universes, play games.

If I'm not playing games, I'm asleep or at work. I have an adhd brain that can be distracted by games, but can hyperfocus on an activity that is fully engaging. I have a depressive brain that will, for weeks or months at a time, be completely fine one day, then doom spiral the next. I have some other dysfunctions that feel like wild mood swings to me. I've always thought of them as BPD, but my last therapist said I was missing just one major ingredient to get that diagnosis. I can't remember what it is atm. I also got the 'vid and have some memory loss which will include words I know, names of people I know, locations of things I know. I also have some other brain function that used to bring me visions of a future event. Not like regularly or with any effort. Just random bs. I also have a brain thingy where I can't manage relationships well. Something complex trauma something. I'm working on it though.

I've been trying to find my place in the world, and I'm butting up against my own traumas that inhibit/grant excuses so I can't make progress. I've tried since the 90's to find a place online, and Tumblr has been the most engaging.

"friends, Citizens, countrymen, lend me your patches. I came here to play KotOR, not fuss over it." ~ me

e: fixed??? I reloaded the files, rebuilt the shaders, added the community kit, and started a save from outside the Lower Shadowlands. It blacked out again, but when I encountered Ggrrroowwwrwrewerwer, and "helped" defeat the mandos, the intervening fmv restored the visuals! I hate this! Yay!! (finished out the area, whew)

I was just talking with friends about the sudoku puzzle i was working on, in my phone. It has a detailed hint guide which includes advanced techniques like X-Wing and X-Y-Wing processes. I was just saying i can't grok the concept of the x-wing, specifically how to decide which four corners to choose (btw i think it's the outermost four, not just any four; i will test this hypothesis and discover the truth!).

She said, oh I've tried doing sudoku and it's too hard because i can't do math well enough. And i said, full of ignorance and vinegar, oh there's no math in sudoku. My other friend, who is an educator and took all the maths in college, got upset. She says, with force, that it is math. I'm intrigued and push back. I never use math to solve any of these logic puzzles. And in fact any symbol can be used due to the rules of the puzzle.

She gets mad. I ask for, like, some sort of definition. She finds several which confirm her argument that math is abstraction, math is logic, math is patterns, etc. I push back again, because anything can be a symbol, but numbers are concrete (the beginning of my ignorance, I believe), solid factual. Symbols can be used to represent numbers, but not the other way around. Math is equations, solid solutions to problems, non abstractions.

She's a bit more mad and yelly and wants to throw something at me. Now i pull back, mostly because she is being so passionate, but partly because I don't want my friend to actually be mad at me. Now i ask questions, because i want to understand. But she's still mad, still thinks I'm jibing her. So i shut the fuck up.

We're good. We had a nice hug when i had to leave at three o'fuck in the morning. She felt bad for yelling, and i assured her she was justified in her passion, and that it was okay, that i wasn't hurt by anything she said (i just don't like being yelled at; li'l bi' o' trauma innit?). I hope she's having a nice time with her girlfriend <3

But i still have a conundrum. 'Math as abstraction' i get, but 'math IS abstraction'? I think that's above my pay grade. So i gotta look into it.

The Wikipedia entry for sudoku states it is a logical combinitorial. Combinitorics is a subset of mathematics. I can accept that. But the idea that sudoku IS math is causing me pain. (That's what is meant by cognitive dissonance. After the pain subsides and you can exist with two conflicting ideas, you have resolved the cognitive dissonance, even though people say you still suffer from it.) But logic isn't math. And sudoku is primarily a logic puzzle.

Yes math also uses deduction and reason and all sorts of abstract thinking processes. But math is not those things. (to me) math is a Hard Science. You get absolute resolution from solving math problems. There are no vagaries (except for infinite sets, then you kinda have to hand wave the solution. Okay, within a finite set you get absolute answers. All praise to Mandelbrot!)

I read through Douglas Hoffstedder's (sp) Metamagical Themas and love the shit out of it. So many cool games and concepts. Oh. Now I'm meandering. Sorry.

Fuck off!

The title of the opinion piece is what drew my ire. Virginia has a "Technology Corridor", where colleges, scientists, tech companies, and the government work to develop new industries in technology.

Oh, why so bitter? Because she keeps sticking her ignorant nose in other people's business.

Data-Center is not a new industry (it's literally data storage and conveyance). It's not new tech (storing data has been happening since at least Ea-nāṣir's time). And it's not good business. She doesn't actually lay out a good argument, at points just stating untrue or misleading facts.

She needs to quit doing government work and just go away back to Arizona. Virginia is chasing away something that could damage the ecology and economics for years, and detract from what makes Virginia great: actually tech advances.

@afterdarkrva

I guess I'm joining the the gildervault guild

I guess I'm not writing that substack. Probably a good thing as I don't have a lot to say. I mean really, it's obvious. Just think about it for a minute. Why are we still "reliant" on fossil fuels? The basic answer is Capitalism. And it's not just the lobbyists "convincing" (read as "bribing") congress people to subsidise and support future oil sales. It's a whole cyclical economic... cycle.

Vehicle mfgs create machines that "get amazing gas mileage" (I was so irritated in the early 2010s looking to get a car and they offered "fuel sipping 32mpg!" vehicles for new-used purchase; why so irritated? Because my '92 240sx got 36mpg easy. A thirty y.o. 4 cylinder. Why hasn't mpg efficiency increased?! Here >>)

In order to even have a market for cars, there needs to be fueling stations. Okay, great. Those got established and now we have the cycle: provide petrol, sell cars. No cars, no petrol, and vice versa.

Electric cars? Yes, they need petroleum products, too: gaskets, seals, replacement parts, oils/lubes, etc. But not a daily refueling. The amount of petrol needed is greatly reduced. I've not looked, but I imagine many car mfgs executives have shares in oil. Self interest in making personal capitol. Lots of congress folks also have investments, no doubt some in oil.

If the oil dries up, those companies go bye-bye, several thousands of jobs gone, no more monies flowing like black gold. The economic affect would sting for a minute, then people would move on

To

Renewable energies. Wind, water, thermal, solar, and others. Most systems still need petroleum products, but the profit margin has practically disappeared from the petrol sales.

So mpg hasn't increased because of profits. By buying and driving cars that barely get 32mpg we actively continue the cycle of needing oil products to power our vehicles. I'm betting they (the oil barons in cahoots with car mfgs) did the calculations and figured the best profit range is 32mpg.

Once we finally switch fully to electric this and that, the balance of capitol and power will shift to other companies. Likely Chinese mfgs of wind turbines and solar panels. The U.S. has failed to maintain its status of economic leader by not stepping into the future and adopting new tech for energy harvesting. We could have long term battery storage, solar panels on every home and building, thermal pylons in strategic locations, carefully placed wind turbines, and several other systems, completely removing our reliance on petrol for vehicles.

Nicola Tesla, over a hundred years ago, imagined a future where resonant waves (electrical fields, really) powered every vehicle on the ground, in the air, in/on water. Powered every device in cities, in homes, across the world. It was an amazing dream. Cut short by a capitalist's confusion. What was Westinghouse's confused about with Tesla's dream? "Where's the profit?" Tesla didn't want profit. He wanted comfort and convenience, an energetic utopia with clean air and water.

But here we are. Stuck with an oily substance clinging to everything. Stuck with cowards who only look for profit. Stuck with losers who are dragging us down with them into late stage capitalism where the cannibals live. What they don't realize is we are going to eat them first. When society falls, when people are lost, when leadership disappears, when government doesn't mean anything, there will be so much death. No one will care how much money a person has. Money, as you should know, is fictional. Made up. Only believed in because we share this nightmare. Once we wake up, we can start healing. But only after heads roll.

We need to look out for not just the billionaires, but also the "energy" producers. As long as they have any say in legislation, the EPA is under threat (has been since its creation in the 70s). They will kill our planet for profits. That's why capitalism is bad. They lead us by the nose, gently easing pressure when we complain, guiding us this way and that through a consumerist's life.

Solution? Stop being a consumer (baby steps) by becoming a producer. Small gardens, small coops of egg birds, small barn of slaughter animals. This reduces the need for mass shipment across the state using big rigs that use more petrol (in diesel form) than passenger vehicles. It reduces the need for high production warehouses of slaughter animals (a most inhumane practice). You can also produce wool from llamas, alpacas, sheep, even goats. Pasturize your own milk, cure your own cheese, support a local farmer for grains for the community.

There was a point in time where civilization was simple living, community was important, and life was a daily struggle. Oil was animal based (from fats) instead of from the ground. Yes, lots of death and disease, but we have modernity. We know medicines. We have thousands of years of knowledge still with us.