Tumblin' Along

I want to live in whatever world that person is in where So Many Stories have main characters with zero interest in romance.

Nearly blocked someone for a vaguely annoying reply they made in 2017 then remembered 2017 was 9 years ago. They will live. We can change *opens their blog* nevermind they got worse. Guards

The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in

Also the 90-year old hobo that your grandpa beat in a rap battle for possession of the bracelet while hiding from the Romanian secret police really loved the bracelet because it was coated in small amounts of LSD and tried to hunt and kill your grandpa to get it back. He was then apprehended by the FBI and instantly gave them your grandpa’s address. Seal Team Six is about to break down your door and shoot you, says your local congressman who can also do cool magic tricks

There's a guy in NY who MIGHT be capable of destroying the codes but won't coz he simply wants to spend time with his wife. So it's up to your grandpa's old friend in rural Ohio to get you the friends capable of finishing the task.

And we must not, at any point, remember the existence of aircraft and ask aloud why we can't just fly to Arizona

We can't use aircraft because the fbi has access to all the flight data how many times do we need to go over this

This works as a metaphor for children but also it works perfectly well when played totally straight because horse people are actually like this

it literally took me three solid readings through this to realize that it wasn’t necessarily about horse people, because they are exactly like this

Interpreted this initially not as shelves, but as your cat having erected defensive fortifications

While I'm normally against Trump putting his face on things, I think Trump Passports are actually a great idea, because people have to go out of their way to get them by applying in person on one specific date. This means that anyone who presents one at an international customs point will be identifiable as a fervent Trump supporter until 2036, which can only be useful for every other country in the world.

Or as I've always liked to put it, "No matter how suspicious you might find the neighbor who never opens their blinds, they will never be as suspicious as the neighbor who wants free rein to peek in through people’s windows."

World Heritage Post