your head explode

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

Baseball butts drive me nuts n baseball humping gets me jumping

You ought to realize no one on tumblr is punk you knowclike if you were really punk youd be siphoning gas and sexually assaulting people and smelling really bad all day instead of blogging about it and your birthname would be Faggot but you go by Poop for short

shows it my stinky smelly surprise

WHY?

sorry its my first time

econony is fucked as hell so i’m going to try a bunch of gas station boner pills and start a class action lawsuit against which ever one hurts me the most badly

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh